Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 546696

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Therapy is just too hard

Posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

Sessions aren't long enough, I'm in tears half the time now and I'm sure I'm making my therapist nuts. Tuesday I pitched a hissy about losing a session and today I told him I didn't want to come because I left upset yesterday. Upset with him. Upset with this stupid process. Upset with being upset. I hate this!

We were talking about my mother. Of all the subjects we talk about, this is one of the most painful. And I don't really know why it hurts so much. But it opens this cavern of longing and neediness and well, anger, that is so vast it is frightening. The worst part is that I can't hang on to my connection to my therapist when we talk about my mother. We tried to figure out why today. I said it is because I feel the need to hide so much of myself from her. It is automatic. So there isn't enough of me to hang on to him. He asked me if I'm worried he will judge me, or dismiss me, like she always did. I don't think so. I think it is because he allows my anger to erupt and thinks it is just fine. I want him to help me shut it off. Instead I shut him off. He wondered if I'm fleeing to the ceiling again (dissociating) and that is why the connection is hard to feel. What I realized after I left is that I don't want him to be angry at her. If I say all the things I'm thinking about her, won't he be upset with her? On the other hand, I don't want him to defend her either. I want to ask him questions he can't possibly know the answers to, like: "how could she not have known? And what if she did and didn't do anything?!" I want him to tell me that HE would have known and HE would have done something. But I also know that HE isn't my mother, he can't undo what was done and this isn't an OK thing to want from him.

I just don't think I can face knowing any more of my own story. I don't want to be suicidal again. I don't want to be angry and bitter and lash out at anyone, especially not my therapist. I really, really don't want to lose my connection to him. It feels so horribly empty and I'm so lost when the connection gets severed. He said it isn't ever really severed, just harder to feel sometimes. He maintains that he will keep the connection alive and well until I can do it for myself again. But can he? And isn't he eventually going to get fed up with having to work so hard at keeping me connected?

Therapy is just too da*n hard. Tell me again why I keep at it?!

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by fallsfall on August 25, 2005, at 21:51:50

In reply to Therapy is just too hard, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

Because life without therapy is hard, too.

>And isn't he eventually going to get fed up with having to work so hard at keeping me connected?

No. He isn't.

Stay with it, Daisy. You are working on important stuff. The stuff with your mother is really hard - you need to accept that it is hard, but know that you need to do it. Then gently keep pushing yourself. Know your limit - and do not go beyond it (that is a quote from my yoga tape...).

I know it is hard. But you ARE making progress. He can help you.

(((((Daisy)))))

How about some PP&M - I'll get my guitar out. What would you like to sing?

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard fallsfall

Posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 21:58:34

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by fallsfall on August 25, 2005, at 21:51:50

I want "I am here" (Why are you crying my son). Seems to fit tonight.

I don't think he can help with this. At least I don't see how he can. And I've reached my limit. But it is still pushing on me. I want to call and say, "please don't leave me." But I don't want to call too much and have him actually leave me.

See...it's too hard. Or maybe I'm just not strong enough. I sound like I'm wallowing, don't I?

I still hate this.

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard

Posted by gardenergirl on August 25, 2005, at 22:02:57

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard fallsfall, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 21:58:34

How about that one about if you're going to San Francisco and wearing flowers in your hair?

I'm imagining we are all in our pj's with chocolate, flowers, wine, and the peace of being surrounded by those who love you.

And Daisy, it's absolutely okay to want from your T. You just do. The very sad thing is that the want is probably related to a void that needs to be mourned, regardless of whatever other feelings you have for your mother.

Hums softly....

gg

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard gardenergirl

Posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 23:55:20

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard, posted by gardenergirl on August 25, 2005, at 22:02:57

Humming is good.

He said yesterday that the longing might never go away. It is so primal that there will always be times that it hurts and gets reactivated. Like right now, as I let one of my children slip away, I realize how precious the bond between mother and child is. It is painful for me, though I'm very excited for him. It wasn't painful for her, she had complete confidence that I would wow the world. I was, after all, her daughter. She has complete confidence now that I can move from being a mom to being "so much more." She says I've done my job well, but I have so much potential. So I definately (still) can't cry to her. Another ironic thing -- my therapist goes on vacation the week my son leaves. I said I'd be fine. He said he knows, he is just worried about me being alone with my grief (again) and putting up huge walls. I told him I had you guys. :)

Mostly I'm struggling with struggling. I feel myself getting dragged down and tired and anxious. I want to quit, without quitting. Does that make sense? I feel like I sort of got past the huge waves of separation anxiety and now they are back again. I can't go forward if I keep going backwards.

I realize I'm whining. And I'm not the only person struggling, by any stretch. It is all fear driven. If I can stay stuck right here, on this part, maybe I don't have to sort out the dreams and new memories and new sensations. Not much chance he'll let me do that, is there?

Hum louder, GG. I'm hearing only my own dark thoughts again.

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by LadyBug on August 26, 2005, at 0:28:41

In reply to Therapy is just too hard, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

Oh Daisy, My heart goes out to you. I know how painful this is as I've been doing this dance for so long. Just when I think I'm pulling myself together, I slide back so far I wonder how I'll ever heal.
A post about insecure atttachment that you wrote last week really got me searching. I talked to my T. about it this week. She told me about *ambivalent insecure attachment*. This is me all the way!!! I understand what it is, now how the heck do I work through it??? I love my T., I want her to love me back, but I'm angry at myself for loving her.
Anger is fear!! I have many fears. Fears of rejection!! She won't love me the way I want her to so I try to DETATCH which will only bring me more pain.
I just want her to give me all the nurturing and love I long for!!! She will offer it but it doesn't feel quite right. It makes me nuts!!! And I agree.....THERAPY IS SO DANG HARD!!!!!!
Let's hang on together, this is a journey and we have good therapist's to help us through.
And we have good people here on BABBLE!!
If you haven't read about "ambivalent insecure attachment", read about it and see what you think.
I'm finding it really interesting, especially the ambivalent part!!!

More Hugs for you (((((((DAISY)))))))
LadyBug

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by LadyBug on August 26, 2005, at 0:42:32

In reply to Therapy is just too hard, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

Daisy,
Here is a web site I found interesting. I want to search and gain knowlege of everything I can to make things easier in Therapy.
Check it out, maybe you'll find some ideas here like I have. Or maybe not??
http://emotionalfeelings.tripod.com

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard

Posted by LadyBug on August 26, 2005, at 0:44:07

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by LadyBug on August 26, 2005, at 0:42:32

Oops try this one
http://emotionalfeelings.tripod.com/emotional_feelings/id122.html

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by fairywings on August 26, 2005, at 9:21:36

In reply to Therapy is just too hard, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

Hi Daisy,

((((hugs))))
Your post makes my head spin because a lot of it sounds so familiar, and yet because it sounds so familiar I don't understand it enough to offer any help. All I can say is don't quit. Painful as it may be, in the long run, we hope to come out of it more complete, happier, and able to live more fully.

fw

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by LittleGirlLost on August 26, 2005, at 10:56:29

In reply to Therapy is just too hard, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

(((((Daisy))))) Can't say much as I had a rough session last night also. I almost cried.
Just wanted you to know I hear you and am thinking about you.

~lgl

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by gardenergirl on August 26, 2005, at 14:43:07

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard gardenergirl, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 23:55:20

> Humming is good.
>
> He said yesterday that the longing might never go away. It is so primal that there will always be times that it hurts and gets reactivated.

Although I'm sure this was very painful to hear, I like his honesty. And doesn't knowing this help just a tiny bit?

>It wasn't painful for her, she had complete confidence that I would wow the world. I was, after all, her daughter. She has complete confidence now that I can move from being a mom to being "so much more." She says I've done my job well, but I have so much potential.

Oh sweetie, what a mixed up message this is. You are already so much. You are already enough exactly as you are. Mother's are "supposed to" get that. I can tell you do with your own boys.

>Another ironic thing -- my therapist goes on vacation the week my son leaves. I said I'd be fine. He said he knows, he is just worried about me being alone with my grief (again) and putting up huge walls. I told him I had you guys. :)

Sounds like the concierge at Camp Comfort needs to get your room ready.
>
> Mostly I'm struggling with struggling. I feel myself getting dragged down and tired and anxious. I want to quit, without quitting. Does that make sense?

Yes, this makes sense. It sounds like you are just fatigued with it all. Perhaps during the week off you can do some self-care stuff? Really just pamper yourself and recharge. Or better still, do nothing. Any chance of taking a day or more off work? When is the last time you had a vacation?

>I feel like I sort of got past the huge waves of separation anxiety and now they are back again. I can't go forward if I keep going backwards.

I would hazard a guess that even if it's going backwards, you move forward quicker and easier now than you did before. Kind of like what my T says about projective identification. It pretty much always knocks you down when it's thrown at you, but you get better at picking yourself up and dusting yourself off faster and easier. Or so he says, anyway.
>
> I realize I'm whining.

You're not whining. This is what you feel, and it's real. You are allowed to express that. It's okay.

>And I'm not the only person struggling, by any stretch. It is all fear driven. If I can stay stuck right here, on this part, maybe I don't have to sort out the dreams and new memories and new sensations. Not much chance he'll let me do that, is there?

You have the power in that choice, even if it doesn't feel that way. And I know that's not what you want to hear deep down. But it's a paradigm shift to know that you do have choices in this. Choices come with consequences, of course. So you might very well choose what your T recommends. But choosing it is important. Because it means you choose YOU. That's a big thing.
>
> Hum louder, GG. I'm hearing only my own dark thoughts again.

Humming away.....

((((Daisy))))

gg

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by annierose on August 26, 2005, at 22:49:33

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard gardenergirl, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 23:55:20

I know that feeling of wanting to quit without quitting. That need is almost as close as wanting to quit but, wanting to go 5 days a week, and double sessions at that (hmmm, wonder what that bill would be).

I know you are writing down all your new dreams, memories and sensations (I remember that you like to journal). You'll have access to those thoughts whenever you feel you can discuss it. I sense an urgency that you have to do all of this right now.

Your therapist vacation (again?! ... how dare he!)
and your son leaving for college at the same time, oh Daisy, that will be tough. GG is right. Try to pamper yourself. And you do have us.

Thinking of you (hey, your baseball team beat my baseball team royally while they were in town! But I knew my team wasn't any good. Your team are nice guys, they threw some balls up to my nephews, made their day).

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by kerria on August 27, 2005, at 1:30:22

In reply to Therapy is just too hard, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

(((((((daisym))))))))
i'm sorry it's so hard now. it's really difficult to have to relive and relive the pain. i hope that you will find comfort - that your T will find a way to help.

love,
kerria

 

Re: Oops, I was wrong ---

Posted by Annierose on August 27, 2005, at 8:29:10

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by annierose on August 26, 2005, at 22:49:33

The O team was here, forgot about the other one.

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by Pfinstegg on August 27, 2005, at 17:08:32

In reply to Therapy is just too hard, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

Do you try to think in terms of which age part is feeling what? I'm very slowly learning to ask myself which part is afraid of being so closely attached, and which part is either ambivalent or longing to be as close as possible. My analyst often says things like, "I think (this part) appreciates that you are trying to understand how she is feeling." Then, of course, a lot of the work we do is talking in detail about all the experiences and feelings of that particular part, in relation to my mother and father. I'm finding, too, that talking about my mother is the most painful- neglecting me emotionally, sending me to my father for severe beatings, not protecting me from sexual abuse by him. At first, my distress was mostly about him, but that has changed some. It hurts an awful lot to have such rageful, disappointing feelings about our own mothers, doesn't it? Mine sounds kind of like yours- she always thought I could do "anything", but she never helped or supported me. She was actually jealous and veangeful even when I was very young, considering that I was smarter and prettier than she was, so why help me, and make herself feel even more inadequate? Was (is?) yours like that?

I am finding that identifying "who" is in the most distress at a given moment enables me to calm that part down- often by remembering understanding and comforting things my analyst has said to that part, and sort of repeating those to her. It's really a full-time job, but I do feel "we" are making progress slowly but surely. I do hope the same is true for you, Daisy. Overall. it sounds like you really are. I guess the hardest thing is accepting how much pain there is with this kind of emotional ilness, and how quickly we can just get stunned by it.

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard LadyBug

Posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 19:56:49

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard, posted by LadyBug on August 26, 2005, at 0:44:07

Thanks for the links and the support. I've known for awhile that I'm a classically insecurely attached patient -- at least I don't call at 2am in a panic! I just don't know what to do about it. I think I'm past it, I can sink into the attachment and let go of the fear and should's and the shouldn'ts. But it rolls around again and we go through another attachment crisis.

When I worry that we spend too much time in therapy talking about my attachment struggles, and not on my *real* issues, he always looks incredulous and says, "Daisy, this IS your real issue..."

 

Thanks. Support helps. (nm) kerria

Posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 19:57:24

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by kerria on August 27, 2005, at 1:30:22

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard fairywings

Posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 19:59:56

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by fairywings on August 26, 2005, at 9:21:36

Sorry - didn't mean to make your head spin. I know I'm far from the only one who struggles with this. If I get closer to the answer, I promise to share.

I'm holding onto your hope, OK? I can't quit now, I know. It just feels good to fantasize about it.

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard LittleGirlLost

Posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 20:00:56

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by LittleGirlLost on August 26, 2005, at 10:56:29

I hope you can post about the session and let us help. I know almost crying is huge for you. Thanks for reaching out to me even in your angst.

(((LGL)))

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard gardenergirl

Posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 20:20:19

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by gardenergirl on August 26, 2005, at 14:43:07

> Humming is good.
>
> He said yesterday that the longing might never go away. It is so primal that there will always be times that it hurts and gets reactivated.

Although I'm sure this was very painful to hear, I like his honesty. And doesn't knowing this help just a tiny bit?

***Not yet it doesn't. Intellectually I get it. And it reminds me that he'll never lie to me, even when I want him to. and that is a good thing.

>It wasn't painful for her, she had complete confidence that I would wow the world. I was, after all, her daughter. She has complete confidence now that I can move from being a mom to being "so much more." She says I've done my job well, but I have so much potential.

Oh sweetie, what a mixed up message this is. You are already so much. You are already enough exactly as you are. Mother's are "supposed to" get that. I can tell you do with your own boys.

***I just wish my being a good mother mattered to her. Because then in some small way I would think she wanted to be a good one too. It isn't a question of love, it is about priorities. Kids weren't her priority. My youngest said to me today, "You spoil me." (I made him cupcakes) Then he turned back with his mouthful and said, "I guess all kids should have mothers who spoil them." Wise beyond his years, isn't he?

>Another ironic thing -- my therapist goes on vacation the week my son leaves. I said I'd be fine. He said he knows, he is just worried about me being alone with my grief (again) and putting up huge walls. I told him I had you guys. :)

Sounds like the concierge at Camp Comfort needs to get your room ready.
***I bought lots of kleenax and we are spending lots of time together. All of my friends are offering me places to stay and ride out the storm. I think I want to hide in the back of my closet. Curled up in the fetal position. Can you imagine my first session after vacation this time? Aren't you glad you aren't my therapist??!

> Mostly I'm struggling with struggling. I feel myself getting dragged down and tired and anxious. I want to quit, without quitting. Does that make sense?

Yes, this makes sense. It sounds like you are just fatigued with it all. Perhaps during the week off you can do some self-care stuff? Really just pamper yourself and recharge. Or better still, do nothing. Any chance of taking a day or more off work? When is the last time you had a vacation?
***Nope, not now. Next year, maybe.

>I feel like I sort of got past the huge waves of separation anxiety and now they are back again. I can't go forward if I keep going backwards.

I would hazard a guess that even if it's going backwards, you move forward quicker and easier now than you did before. Kind of like what my T says about projective identification. It pretty much always knocks you down when it's thrown at you, but you get better at picking yourself up and dusting yourself off faster and easier. Or so he says, anyway.
**Mine said that yesterday. He thinks it is a good thing. I said the swings are making me crazy. But we do seem to get back on track more easily. And he gave me his speech (again) about therapy being a spiral and how we go round and round the same things looking at it from different angles and at closer range each time. I swear, for Christmas I am going to find him a spiral to hang in his office!

>And I'm not the only person struggling, by any stretch. It is all fear driven. If I can stay stuck right here, on this part, maybe I don't have to sort out the dreams and new memories and new sensations. Not much chance he'll let me do that, is there?

You have the power in that choice, even if it doesn't feel that way. And I know that's not what you want to hear deep down. But it's a paradigm shift to know that you do have choices in this. Choices come with consequences, of course. So you might very well choose what your T recommends. But choosing it is important. Because it means you choose YOU. That's a big thing.
***That's what my therapist said about all this upset about cutting back. I wanted to choose what was right for me, not what someone else thought was the right thing. He seem to think this was huge. But you are right, a huge part of me is afraid to see that I have control because this means I have to be responsible for me too. And I don't like me very much right now. It's just darn hard.

> Hum louder, GG. I'm hearing only my own dark thoughts again.

Humming away.....

((((Daisy))))

***Thanks GG. For the hug and everything else.

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard annierose

Posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 20:26:11

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by annierose on August 26, 2005, at 22:49:33

Annie,

I've tried to imagine double sessions. Sometimes I think it would be great, because I get warmed up and have a lot to say. But often I think I could get really fragmented or emotionally overwrought if it went that long. I guess because we settle in so quickly now and get right to work.

I am journaling a lot. He wants me to bring it when I'm ready. We talked about journaling on Wed. I asked if he expected me to eventually give up bringing in pages and reading them. He said if he thought I was using them as a shield, he would try to get me to put them away and just talk. But since we use them to start conversations and I write in a brutally open and honest way, he likes having these jumping off points. He said it really lets him see what I was thinking or feeling, especially in the middle of the night. So I'll keep writing, it really helps me.

I'll be at a baseball game on Monday night. Should be fun. We are in the skybox. :)

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard Pfinstegg

Posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 20:46:18

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on August 27, 2005, at 17:08:32

>>>>Do you try to think in terms of which age part is feeling what? I'm very slowly learning to ask myself which part is afraid of being so closely attached, and which part is either ambivalent or longing to be as close as possible.
***I can usually tell how old I feel. Sometimes I just feel myself going young and I resist. Then I get a headache. And it is strange that different ages are more attached than others. But each one wants to be heard...and each one wants to try to convince our therapist that it wasn't the other ages' fault. This is relatively new, the need to defend what happened at a younger age.

My analyst often says things like, "I think (this part) appreciates that you are trying to understand how she is feeling." Then, of course, a lot of the work we do is talking in detail about all the experiences and feelings of that particular part, in relation to my mother and father.
***My therapist still has to ask if it would be OK for me to just let little daisy talk to him. He does remind me that the goal is that I feel more seamless and I can tolerate the parts of me as me, and they don't have to feel separate. New lately is more than one state being there at a time, talking about each other.

I'm finding, too, that talking about my mother is the most painful- neglecting me emotionally, sending me to my father for severe beatings, not protecting me from sexual abuse by him. At first, my distress was mostly about him, but that has changed some. It hurts an awful lot to have such rageful, disappointing feelings about our own mothers, doesn't it?
***It does hurt an awful lot. More than I ever expected. I keep trying to label it inappropriate and every time my therapist stops me and says, "maybe not." I wonder if I had done this work before I had my own kids if I would feel the mother stuff at the depth that I do. I can't help but ask, "How could she not have known? I would have known."

Mine sounds kind of like yours- she always thought I could do "anything", but she never helped or supported me. She was actually jealous and veangeful even when I was very young, considering that I was smarter and prettier than she was, so why help me, and make herself feel even more inadequate? Was (is?) yours like that?
***I don't believe my mother ever felt inadequate a day in her life. EVER. She is the original glass ceiling breaker, ball-buster, woman in a man's world LADY. All of this done in a skirt, pumps and make-up. She is really, really nice and much beloved in her field. All that said, my therapist is convinced that she was jealous of how close I always was to my dad. I went to him for comfort and support and he gave it usually. And he wasn't like that with very many people. So maybe that is why she didn't see...she couldn't bear to look to close at the two of us.

I am finding that identifying "who" is in the most distress at a given moment enables me to calm that part down- often by remembering understanding and comforting things my analyst has said to that part, and sort of repeating those to her.
I*** think this is something I need to try. Because I'm always surprised at how anxious I feel, or how sad, or how lost over the weekends. But it rotates. Instead of shoving it aside, maybe I should try to listen a little.(and then shove it aside!)

It's really a full-time job, but I do feel "we" are making progress slowly but surely. I do hope the same is true for you, Daisy. Overall. it sounds like you really are. I guess the hardest thing is accepting how much pain there is with this kind of emotional ilness, and how quickly we can just get stunned by it.
***Yes! Dropping into that hole suddenly still surprises me. Or, how emotional I can get over stories I've already told. Last week we agreed that it is a good thing I'm the boss because sometimes it is impossible to work with all of this going on. I end up going in on the weekends or in the evening to catch up.

I know I'm making progress. I can see a difference. I guess I'll just have to remember that this just can't be forced into a fast track. I've tried that and the result is emotional flooding that is too hard to handle. I'm glad you feel you are making progress too.

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by fairywings on August 27, 2005, at 21:22:29

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard fairywings, posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 19:59:56

> Sorry - didn't mean to make your head spin. I know I'm far from the only one who struggles with this. If I get closer to the answer, I promise to share.
> I'm holding onto your hope, OK? I can't quit now, I know. It just feels good to fantasize about it.


Oh Honey, LOL, don't worry about making my head spin! Doesn't even take a mild breeze! Sometimes my thoughts are like a train wreck in my head, and then I can just forget it, there's no unjumbling them.

I know when things look scary or hard that's the time when I want to quit most, but know I should quit least. I don't want to be exposed, I'm scared to death of it, but there's just too much to learn and I guess too much to gain to quit.

Yes, please let me know when you have the answers!
fw

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by Pfinstegg on August 27, 2005, at 21:43:34

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard Pfinstegg, posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 20:46:18

I guess we are talking about pretty much the same thing on two threads! But still, I very much appreciate your long and thoughtful post. It gives me important things to try to think about- calmly, I hope. although calmness is not too easy to come by these days!

My older son, who is 29, is being married October 8th in Princeton. I have been telling my analyst that I am hoping to feel happy and involved with him and his wonderful bride that weekend- But! Our work together is getting more and more intense, and although I'm so glad for the progress I'm making, I'm less and less sure about keeping things together in public situations. A couple of times recently, I have suddenly burst into tears in public without knowing I was going to- so embarrassing. In strategizing for the wedding, my analyst and I have agreed that perhaps some tears will be OK. If anyone wants to see them, you can look for two Princeton physicists marrying one another in the New York Times on October 9th- there are bound to be only two!

 

Re: Therapy is just too hard Pfinstegg

Posted by daisym on August 27, 2005, at 23:04:06

In reply to Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on August 27, 2005, at 21:43:34

oh, the crying in public thing. I left a session and went to Costco. I still felt 9 years old. I couldn't find the frozen fruit. I just couldn't find it. I had tears running down my face because I couldn't find it. Several people asked if they could help...I didn't even remember what i was looking for!

The other thing that has popped up is anxiety for my kids. My youngest had an upper GI and he was in the room with a (male) technition, alone, in a gown. I just couldn't stand it and had to be let in. They let me watch behind the little lead corner while they took the x-rays. I've never felt like that before -- terrified for him.

I have this big fundraiser coming up in two weeks. If there was anyway out of going, I'd take it. My mother will be there... But I have to speak so I have to go. I wish tears would be appropriate there.

The wedding sounds fun. I hope the weather cooperates.


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