Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 546039

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Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by Shortelise on August 24, 2005, at 12:22:20

In reply to Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 12:00:08

Kerria, I don't like that your T says those things to you. They sound hurtful, not helpful. I am so so sorry.

(((Kerria)))

ShortE

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 12:29:09

In reply to Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 12:00:08

I don't know if I'm grasping your therapist's comment correctly. If I am, then you probably are better off going to someone else. :( Or speaking to his supervisor and having him sent to remedial therapy.

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by Daisym on August 24, 2005, at 15:03:38

In reply to Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 12:00:08

You have more capacity than you think. You survived it all the first time around, now you just have to survive the feelings. Which is brutally hard and painful, but you can do it. You've done it before. And the feelings WILL ease off. I know. I've been there.

There have been times when I truly felt I couldn't live with what I now know. I thought it was better not knowing. But it wasn't, it felt bad in other ways, I just didn't know what was causing it. Now I can face it, a little at a time, and endure it and conquer it. I'm not always sure I can make it, but I'm trying. Please keep trying.

I wish I understood more about why your therapist says what he says. There have been times when my therapist has said, "but I don't work that way." He was responding to some complaint or comparison I was making. And I've come to respect that he is very deliberate in what he does and I have to trust that he will help me get better.

I wish things were easier for you.

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by cricket on August 24, 2005, at 15:27:32

In reply to Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 12:00:08

((((Kerria)))))

I have a disabled part too. She doesn't walk. But I don't know why. I can't remember.

I'm sorry your part is in so much pain. Can you try and comfort her a bit? Just get yourself in a quiet spot and talk to her.

I don't understand about your therapist :-(

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:(

Posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 15:51:45

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by cricket on August 24, 2005, at 15:27:32

(((((Cricket)))))i don't understand why there's so much of her thoughts now. i'm sharing memory.
tears. i think i know why she's disabled. i hate to have these thoughts.

T doesn't understand. What's outside in therapy is so different than what's inside. He always says he didn't know i was upset. we hide. So many problems with parts.

i don't know why T says things that are so hurtful. He always sounds like he doesn't care about me- that he just met me- i've been seeing him five years.

It feels like i can't go on - i probably lost my job. i got ready to go to work but it didn't seem like the work part would come. i couldn't even call because i'm not saying my name to say i can't come in.

i don't think i can see T again. i need someone to help - no where to go. so afraid about what will happen . So upset with T and he will be defensive.
i'm in so much pain and he doesn't know or he doesn't care.
Maybe i should call psychDR. i wish i had a dr that cared about me . therapy is bad for me.
i don't have inside or outside support and a T that cares what happens to me.
Thank you ((((ShortE))))), (((((Daisym)))))
and (((((Dinah)))))

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by gardenergirl on August 24, 2005, at 19:03:24

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 15:51:45

Oh kerria, that sounds so incredibly confusing and hard. I really don't understand about your T's comments. They do sound very hurtful.

Does he specialize in dissociative disorders? I'm sure that going to him for five years has some kind of small comfort, although it sounds like he has very very strict boundaries. Have you ever thought about seeing someone else? Perhaps the Psychological Association in your State can help with a referral to someone who specializes in DID?

At any rate, please know I hear your pain, and I wish I could help.

Take care,
gg

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 19:32:45

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 15:51:45

Hmm... I have one who is mute. And its not that she doesn't speak (or that she is too young to). Its that she CAN'T speak...

I'm sorry things are hard for you :-(

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by ClearSkies on August 24, 2005, at 19:56:40

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 15:51:45

I'm so sorry for the poor communication between your T and your parts. I have had poor experiences with T's and they can set us back worse than our pasts, if I am making sense.
If your T is not understanding what is going on, do you think that printing out some posts from here (or portions of them) might help?
Otherwise perhaps your p-doc can assist in a search for a more suitable therapist.
I hope things improve soon, let us know how you're doing.
ClearSkies

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:(

Posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 20:04:48

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 24, 2005, at 19:03:24

(((Gardenergirl))) T only works with D.D.- for more than twenty years.
T and one of the known drs for DID research set up one of the first units for DID treatment. My T works in there and probably has seen more patients with DID than anyone else in the world by now.
The APA would just send me to T's hospital for treatment.

Thank you GG, i don't know why T can't help me.
everything is about communication but now that we're getting some communication- i feel forced- it's too hard to live with the results. inside hurts so much. i don't think T thinks that i'm going to make it. it's too hard to find another T else unless someone helps me. we're too apart. i don't feel safe. i don't think safety is a priority with my T. Or T really doesn't know how devastated i am.
tears,
kerria

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 20:06:40

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 20:04:48

Maybe your therapist is a bit burned out? Twenty years is a long time.

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( alexandra_k

Posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 20:09:24

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by alexandra_k on August 24, 2005, at 19:32:45

(((Alexandra)))
i didn't know that everything would change like this. i'm in crisis- i can't work. everything is so different.
i'm worried if i should see T- i need my dr to call back.
take care,
kerria

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( ClearSkies

Posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 21:15:36

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by ClearSkies on August 24, 2005, at 19:56:40

(((ClearSkies)))

It's hard for me to find Ts that understand. My psychDr tried - he gave me two to see but in the end, our parts were hurt. Everything is hard about therapy.

You're right- to be misunderstood is so painful.
So much is so upsetting. it's so hard to live with the fbs and without help. i can't function and T doesn't care. He'll just say, "If you're not happy with me, go to someone else. " It feels exactly like he's abandoning me because we're torn apart because of telling him about the fbs.yesterday. Everything is so different now.

My psych dr didn't call me back.

How does everyone find T's that care and help?

i wish there were a support group or some way. i wish i wasn't always so alone,
kerria

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 21:22:06

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( ClearSkies, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 21:15:36

That really doesn't sound like a very sensitive comment. Does he make insensitive comments often?

I wish everyone had a therapist who cared. I know how lucky I am.

But my therapist didn't always care about me. He used to not particularly like me.

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( Dinah

Posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 21:25:02

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 20:06:40

Yes. i think also that he's so familiar with seeing patients in crisis in the hospital. Most of T's therapy is done with short-term patients that he sees for 2 or3 weeks. it feels like i don't know him any more than the first week i met him:(
so hurt and need real help fast.
i don't know if i have appt tomorrow or not.
He thinks communication isn't upsetting. with me it's a nightmare.
i wish T could understand. if i explain he will get defensive and i will hurt more.
There's no way out.,
kerria

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 21:29:59

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( Dinah, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 21:25:02

Sometimes there are no great choices. But there are usually some choices that are better than others.

If I understand you correctly, it's communication between your parts that you find unacceptable? And your therapist considers it necessary and helpful? And he gets defensive if you try to say that it isn't, because that would mean you think his approach to DID isn't the best one?

I'm just trying to see if I understand the basic problem.

If that's correct, what do you see as the best way to deal with DID? I know there are a lot of different approaches. Cooperation, integration. What would be your ideal? What do you want for yourself?

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by JenStar on August 25, 2005, at 0:13:00

In reply to Yesterday a part came in therapy:(, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 12:00:08

hi kerria,
I'm sorry you're hurting and feeling so bad! I hope it gets better soon!

Is it possible that in your frustration and unhappiness, you're remembering your T's words as being harsher than they are? It's possible that he's doing his best for you, and trying to be honest -- what you see with him is what you get, or at least, this is the most he's capable of delivering to you. It sounds like you're suffering from a very complex and painful disorder, both physically and mentally, and it's possible that your T is having a hard time finding the best way to help you, especially if different parts come to therapy.

I worry that you're putting too much power in your T's hands...I'm not sure that any T is capable of fully fixing our issues. I think we need to do it with their help. It sounds like you've kind of abandoned hope -- you said several times that you can't do anthing, you can't function, etc. Is there anything you have done for yourself in the past that helps you get into a more positive "can do it" attitude?

Kerria, I hope things get better soon!
JenStar

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by JenStar on August 25, 2005, at 0:18:29

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( ClearSkies, posted by kerria on August 24, 2005, at 21:15:36

hi Kerria,
I was thinking about the comments from your T along the lines of "if you don't like my style, you can see someone else." People usually say something like that, in my experience, when they're frustrated or feeling manipulated. Or they might say it if they're getting severe push-back, or if agreed-upon expectations are not being met.

Do you think your T could be feeling any of those things? Is it something you could bring up with him? Clearly the comments have hurt you very much. It seems that it might be useful to talk to him about his comments and exactly WHY he said them. I mean, I was just hypothesizing about what I'd infer from such a statement, but I don't know him -- he could mean anything! But I think it's important to find out. And if he's a bad T, or not helping you at all, it might be time to move on. But if you're at a difficult impasse in therapy, sticking with him through the rough patch and trying to do it "his way" might in the end be extremely fruitful and might be helpful...

IN any case, I'm sorry you're hurting. Take care.
JenStar

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( Dinah

Posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 0:54:47

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 21:22:06

Hi Dinah,
What made the difference- that your T started to appreciate you as a person.?
i don't know why my T is so strange and impossible to get any relationship with. i used to think it was me, i am a mess but once i had a conference call with psych dr and he thought T sounded defensive also.

It feels like he doesn't want me to do well because he gives impossible tasks- --getting to know parts- i honestly try but it's something that a T that knows me would break into smaller chunks - i have never went anywhere in five years.

T tells me he likes things about me sometimes but his actions and lack of empathy betrays him every time i see him. i never met someone so unchanged by another person's trauma and heartache. it's re-tramatizing just to go there. i'm talking myself out of going.
yes i wish he had a personality that demonstrated that he cared if i lived.
i wish i were exaggerating.
kerria:(

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( Dinah

Posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 1:15:01

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2005, at 21:29:59

my T becomes defensive of himself- and the way that he treats me in therapy. The trauma model (about communication) is all he knows that works and if a patient dies because they can't live with that he acts as if he doesn't care.

The method is greater and more value than the patient.

It's Not patient-centered therapy at all.

For me, it's so horrific to live as separated parts. i would choose to communicate if i could. Up until now attempts at communication have driven me to feel s. and if that happened it wouldn't be so good for my kids.


i wish T would come up with creative ways to help communication instead of announcing the deeds of parts when contrary parts are out- which only intensifies internal conflict/ and hated between parts. It would also help if he was a lot less arbitrary and stopped giving me the thought that he thinks i'm not going to make it. He isn't kind. i can sit and use a half box of tissues and he would not be affected. It's eerie. It makes me feel like an alein- that he stopped thinking i was another human like he was. (God forbid).

i hate going to therapy. It's horrible to struggle to communicate with parts and take on their pain when your T acts so unaffirming and make you feel so alone in your pain. Pain is a horrible thing to have to have alone.
kerria

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( JenStar

Posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 1:36:49

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by JenStar on August 25, 2005, at 0:13:00

Thank you, Jen Star.
You're right- things look very sad a lot.It doesn't help though for T to give the same speech about "What you see is what you get" at the lowest point in my crisis though. That's not the time to mention that i should see someone else if i'm not happy with his treatment plan then. i think that he should wait until things are calmed down and more stable because it feels like he's threatening to abandon me.


i hate that he saves that same speech for the time when i'm in absolute despair and says it - sometimes it feels like he wants to drive me over the edge.
i don't know why a T would not be sensitive to the despair of his patients. The only think i can think of is that he works in the inpatient unit and many are in despair that he sees everyday so he's familiar.

i'm doing the best i can with the struggle i have to communicate. Why wouldn't i?

Parts see T all different ways- maybe that happens but i never see him as truly appreciating my struggle and having empathy for all of the pain i have because of all the problems that come with being separate . T has no idea how much it hurts inside.


 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( JenStar

Posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 2:10:13

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by JenStar on August 25, 2005, at 0:18:29


i try to do everything T's way. There is no other way. i have tried to use T's suggestions to communicate but without much success because of the pain it causes or because of switching. There are no expectations that were arranged that i don't do.
i've followed T's suggestions to my hurt- by writing journal emails. T would like me to 'ask inside' more often but it's very very difficult to do that. it's still hard to think of myself as having parts, it's very scary and unsetting to have many opposing viewpoints on everything. It feels like a confusing mess- because when you know- THEN what do you do. Sometimes there's no answer.

If you feel divided there's so much stress and insecurity inside. Especially if it's about major issues in life.

Many times i've talked to T- about why he says "Find someone else." Over and over i told him how horrible it makes me feel when he says that.

If he's frustrated- how do you think i am?
T has to bear with me for just 110 min a week but i have all the time . It's so difficult to be alone with out any help and then have your only source of help say "Go somewhere else, then." during the short time you see him.
He isn't my only source of help- church is. i'm misunderstood a lot though.

DID is a hard disorder to have because it makes people have opposing parts. There's no solution to solve disagreements inside if there is no one in charge. i don't have a 'host' or charge person.

i wish i could sleep.

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by gardenergirl on August 25, 2005, at 6:06:14

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( Dinah, posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 1:15:01

> my T becomes defensive of himself- and the way that he treats me in therapy. The trauma model (about communication) is all he knows that works and if a patient dies because they can't live with that he acts as if he doesn't care.
>
> The method is greater and more value than the patient.
>
> It's Not patient-centered therapy at all.

I think this is very insightful. And I agree with Dinah that he might be burned out. A good clinician also knows that not every technique works with every patient every time. So they need to be able to try other things. Is there someone else on his team who might be more invested in doing therapy?
>
> For me, it's so horrific to live as separated parts. i would choose to communicate if i could. Up until now attempts at communication have driven me to feel s. and if that happened it wouldn't be so good for my kids.
>
>
> i wish T would come up with creative ways to help communication instead of announcing the deeds of parts when contrary parts are out- which only intensifies internal conflict/ and hated between parts. It would also help if he was a lot less arbitrary and stopped giving me the thought that he thinks i'm not going to make it.

It sounds like you two are not on the same page as far as therapy goals. Have you had the time or energy to do some research on other ways to treat DID? Perhaps there is another method that is a better fit for you.

I do know the idea of changing involves more stress and a need to form trust again. But maybe, just maybe, it might be worth the risk?

((((kerria))))

gg

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( gardenergirl

Posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 7:38:36

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 25, 2005, at 6:06:14

Hi Gardenergirl,

Thanks for writing.

T and i do have the same goal- communication with parts but survival needs to be first.
There aren't that many Ts that treat DID and the ones that do don't have room to take on new patients. also- all the Ts that specialize in DID know each other. Every T i would call would know my T- they would know him personally or know his name . Once you have a T it's hard to change even with Ts- i didn't find anyone to take me once they found i was seeing my T. They are worried that we can't make the transition- it is difficult to have internal agreement. i hope someday i move to another state.That's probably the only way. Or even better- that my T would start caring about how it feels to be me in all of this.

i like my T but really dread therapy. i think that the communication method at that place he works is easier for some patients than others, the others- like me are 'bad' patients. T will never stop plugging the program and it worries me because it isn't safe for me.
i know i've been in unsafe places lots of times and there's nothing i can do. T will say i could call him when in crisis but i'll always be sorry i did because it isn't any better when i call.

Stuck.
i'm stuck in t. with my T and if it doesn't work i'm the only one who will suffer. why i hate having this horrible disorder. we're so isolated. i hope i can get better and just quit.
i wish there were a support group - i always am in some degree of crisis because of lack of support.

thanks, gg, for being there.
take care,
kerria

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( gardenergirl

Posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 8:54:01

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 25, 2005, at 6:06:14

No, T won't refer me to someone else at that place. i wish T would try other things to help. It's so hard- i have t. today.

i wish T was more compassionate. i remember last time i sat down in Ts office- and we looked down on the side of the chair and there was a rumpled used kleenex on the floor, hidden by some things.
i said, "Somebody else was crying," thinking about there are other people that go to therapy besides me that cry also.
T said, "That's disgusting." He walked over and dumped the tissue without touching it into the garbage. i said, "No it's not. It hurts a lot to cry."
That's just it- T doesn't know how much it hurts to cry. i never saw him cry. Maybe he never did and doesn't know/remember what it was like when he was little.

How does your T act when you cry?
(you don't have to answer- only if you want to).

love,
kerria

 

Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( kerria

Posted by cricket on August 25, 2005, at 8:57:56

In reply to Re: Yesterday a part came in therapy:( Dinah, posted by kerria on August 25, 2005, at 0:54:47

{{{{Kerria}}}}

> T tells me he likes things about me sometimes but his actions and lack of empathy betrays him every time i see him. i never met someone so unchanged by another person's trauma and heartache. it's re-tramatizing just to go there. i'm talking myself out of going.
> yes i wish he had a personality that demonstrated that he cared if i lived.
> i wish i were exaggerating.

I understand.

So then it gets worse and worse because you just want him to feel just a tiny bit of what you're feeling, right?

And it always seems like he doesn't.

So then you start to fall apart more and more there and it seems like he cares less and less, right?

Therapy itself becomes this incredibly traumatic experience and the bad feelings themselves are in the room and still he stays cold.

Is it anything like that?

It was for me. For months it was.

But then something changed. I don't know what. Maybe I came to see my therapist's scowl more as one of pain than of anger or disgust with me. I think I might have seen him crying once. He tried to hide it, but then I had a dream about it and he halfway admitted it.

So it changed. There are still bad feelings sometimes but they are not swirling around the room so much and I don't hear myself screaming inside F*ck you so much.

I don't know what to say. I haven't figured it out either. But I wish he would make it better for you.


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