Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 509100

Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

It's Getting Dark in Here

Posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 13:19:58

Does anyone know Elton John's It's Getting Dark in Here? Does anyone ever feel like the sun is always setting on their life?
Does anyone just want to forget therapy and just get on with life and forget everything and move forward without looking back? Is anyone just sick of their past life and would like to just start over? Does anyone just want to tell their T to just forget about it all? I am tied of working on my problems. I am tired of therapy. I am tired of trying to figure out everything. Shouldn't one just put up with everyone's bullsh#t and just shut up?

 

Many times I have felt it. happyflower

Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 13:33:36

In reply to It's Getting Dark in Here, posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 13:19:58

If you look at the archives, you can see how many times I have said "it is time to let go and make peace.. whatever happened - happened" kind of stuff.

But I always kept coming back to it. That was the indication that I was not fully cured and there yet.

One thing I learnt, this kind of artificial putting things in the back and trying to move on doesn't work. Atleast not for me. The problem and disturbance is always there. Time makes things dull and makes you cope a little better, but if the wound is big enough, it never really heals. IT only dulls the pain.

The real healing (for big enough issues) is to continue to work on it. Sometimes it takes years, and you dont really know where you are going, but you have to trust the process (and in God if you believe in one) to really cure.

But that does not mean you need to obsess about the problems and ruminate. You need to do very postiive things simulateneously. You should not wait for the bad things to get cured fully before you start your life. Striking a balance is more important ( I failed to do that and instead ruminated a lot - try not to do that).

 

Re: It's Getting Dark in Here

Posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 14:58:16

In reply to It's Getting Dark in Here, posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 13:19:58

I feel like cancelling all my appointments and just forget it all.

 

What is happening?? happyflower

Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 15:13:45

In reply to Re: It's Getting Dark in Here, posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 14:58:16

Why suddenly? I have been there before as well - but usually when my ex T hurt me or I found I just cannot work out the feelings I had.

Did your T say something that made you think it is not worth it?

 

Re: What is happening??

Posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 17:06:50

In reply to What is happening?? happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 15:13:45

I am just sick of NEEDING therapy. This month I can only see my T every 2 weeks instead of weekly. This week I don't get to see him, in fact today is the day I would normally see him. I just hate feeling like I HAVE to go to therapy or my week just doesn't feel right. He sees most of his clients every 2 weeks and they are doing okay. Why can't I suck it up and white nuckle it? I think I am getting addicted to therapy or something and I don't like the dependacy feelings. I want to call him just to get reaccurance that everything is okay, tell me I am okay but I don't want to call, I don't want to depend on him. He is not my friend, he is like an imaginary friend.(not real)Why am I depending on him? Why am I getting myself so attached to him when he isn't "anything". I don't see him missing me when I am not there, I bet he doesn't even think about me. A real friend would call, but he isn't a friend, I know that. Why should I give a sh#t what he thinks, when I am nobody to him. Why do I waste my time and put my energy into someone who won't be there for me in the future? Why do I tell him anything? He is probably just rolling his eyes secretly thinking what a nut he is talking to. She just needs to get over it already. I think he is just sick of me, because he could of seen me this week today, but he lied to me about his schedule. I could of seen him 3 times this month, not 2, I don't know why he lied to me. Maybe he just wants some relief from me. But I hate the feeling like I NEED therapy in my life. I hate the feeling like I NEED him to help me. I hate hate hate NEEDING anything. Why can't I just live in peace?

 

He would have seen so many people like us. happyflower

Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 17:23:13

In reply to Re: What is happening??, posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 17:06:50

Do I have to tell you that it is very very normal to feel what you are feeling? I have been through the same roller coaster ride you are going through right now. For me it was worse - I had to rely on emails and he would write so randomly that I would get confused as to what he was feeling - if I am being needy too much etc.

I wish I know how to help you more. But I don't know.

But you might want to atleast acknowledge that what is happening to you is entirely normal and that everyone (including me) go through it and have gone through it time and again.

Needing therapy, depending on the therapist extremely, constantly thinking about him, wishing he would miss you, wishing he would think of you as special, wishing that you would have made a perfect pair if you had met in any other circumstance, wishing that he would make a special exception just for you and allow you to form a friendship with him, wishing he would like you as much as you do, wishing he would see you and understand you for what you are and will fall in love with you, afraid you are being too needy, afraid of your desires for him, afraid that you are the worst client, afraid that you will never get enough of him, afraid that he somehow wants to get rid of you, wishing that you secretly need to take care of him and teach him to love people or somehow rescue him, that he doesn't know things well enough - all these feelings - everything is normal and every single client goes through it. And therapists know it.

Think of it this way - a therapist would have seen 20 Dinahs, 20 Pinkeyes, 20 Daisys, 20 Shrinking Violets, 20 Susans, 20 HappyFlowers, 20 B2Chicas, 20 Tamars, 20 JenStars, 20 10derHearts, 20 Jazzed, 20 Alexandra, 20 XXXX (all those other people in this board) in his career. So he knows every damn little thing that the client goes through, and every neediness, every nuances in and out of every personality he meets. So it is very hard for him to think of you and miss you and develop friendship with you. Imagine you seeing 100 therapists - would you fall in love with one if you see the 101 st therapist? That is the same state of mind he would be in.

So don't feel bad or don't feel good - just get your stuff worked out. Also attachment is part of the trasnference. How much ever you believe you and him would have been the ones for each other outside, it is not so - the proof - every single client thinks the same thing. So don't fall into the same trap.

 

I am sorry I was pretty blunt :-( pinkeye

Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 17:41:24

In reply to He would have seen so many people like us. happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 17:23:13

I shouldn't have been so blunt.

I think you are still in the early stages of it..I shouldn't have listed out everything right now itself.

Transference has its useful purpose. It helps you identify your problems. So use it to heal more.

 

Re: I am sorry I was pretty blunt :-( pinkeye

Posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 18:05:28

In reply to I am sorry I was pretty blunt :-( pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 17:41:24

> I shouldn't have been so blunt.

> Don't worry I appreciate honesty. :) NO need to sugar coat it for me.

> I think you are still in the early stages of it..I shouldn't have listed out everything right now itself.
>
So if all these things are true, why go through all that stuff? I didn't have those problems before, so what is therapy, more problems to deal with? Maybe I should have just lived with my orginal problems and forget about therapy. Now I have even more things to deal with and more problems to come. AAUUGGHHH!

 

YES...i'm tired, ashamed, feel i should...

Posted by B2chica on June 7, 2005, at 18:15:42

In reply to It's Getting Dark in Here, posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 13:19:58

'suck it up'. but i think that's my mother's voice talking.
b2c.

 

In the hope of of shortterm hit - long term gain happyflower

Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 18:16:56

In reply to Re: I am sorry I was pretty blunt :-( pinkeye, posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 18:05:28

What you have said is true. But that depends on the original problems that you had. If you didn't have too many problem to start with, and you were decently doing well, I would think maybe therapy is not worth the trouble.

But for people like me, I was doing very badly before therapy. I needed to get better, whatever it takes. So I had to stick to the process.

 

Sorry for the above, I am just wigging out right:( (nm)

Posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 18:17:07

In reply to It's Getting Dark in Here, posted by happyflower on June 7, 2005, at 13:19:58

 

Re: He would have seen so many people like us. pinkeye

Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 19:23:33

In reply to He would have seen so many people like us. happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 17:23:13

Beg pardon. But my therapist has met only one Dinah.

And most therapists haven't met any atall.

I am the one and only Dinah, and my therapist knows it.

 

Re: He would have seen so many people like us. Dinah

Posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 19:38:22

In reply to Re: He would have seen so many people like us. pinkeye, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 19:23:33

True.
Sorry about that.
I seem to say sorry lots on this board lately.

Maybe I should stop writing to other people.. I seem to be making lot of mistakes and hurting other people's feelings.

I think it is my upset and frustration and depression talking :-(

 

Re: He would have seen so many people like us. pinkeye

Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 19:39:57

In reply to Re: He would have seen so many people like us. Dinah, posted by pinkeye on June 7, 2005, at 19:38:22

You didn't hurt my feelings. I was merely being playful. :)


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