Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 504573

Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

How Do I Tell My T

Posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

I've been seeing my T for the past almost two years for social anxiety. After limited results from CBT, we're now trying Schema Therapy. So far i've managed to avoid, delving into the subject of past relationships. In my last session the topic i've been dreading has finally surfaced. I told her I didn't want to talk about it. Due to extreme social anxiety, I have very limited experience with relationships and am so ashamed and embarrassed to tell her. I'm also gay, which makes me feel even more of a freak, and has contributed to the lack of relationships and fuels my anxiety. She was very persistant in wanting to discuss the subject, and has now set relationship history as homework. I don't know how to tell her, I'm scared she's going to tell me i'm disgusting and ask me to leave. I feel so inferior to her, and the thought of her knowing, makes me squirm with fear. I've have never told anyone about it before, I don't know if I can put it into words without ending up in tears. I've thought about writing it down, but still, I'll have to sit there while she reads it.

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ Soxy

Posted by Tamar on May 29, 2005, at 4:50:54

In reply to How Do I Tell My T, posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

Oh, thatís hard. Iím not sure itís ideal for your T to pressure you to talk about something you find so difficult, but perhaps she means to be encouraging and supportive?

I also used to be very afraid that my therapist would find me disgusting when I told him certain things. He never did, though. Every time I decided to trust him with something embarrassing he handled it sensitively. It built a lot of trust between us, and helped me think of myself with less disgust.

I imagine that if your therapist wants you to discuss this topic with her, she is probably prepared to hear absolutely anything. I donít think you can shock or disgust her. And itís not particularly unusual to have limited experience of relationships.

I especially think she shouldnít be shocked or disgusted by your sexual orientation. I hope she would see her role as being (in part) to help you to experience being gay as one of lifeís joys. Exploring how your sexuality works should be exciting and beautiful and fun, whatever your orientation.

I think writing it all down is a very good idea. Itís what I had to do when I was preparing to talk about difficult topics. In the end I was able to say it out loud, but I probably could have given it to my therapist to read. He was very patient with me, and Iím sure yours will be too.


 

Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ Soxy

Posted by Dinah on May 29, 2005, at 9:20:38

In reply to How Do I Tell My T, posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

I can't add much to what Tamar said. Other than to tell you that it has been my experience that no matter how shameful I think something is, my therapist never seems to find it that way. Even when I told him my last remaining secret.

And nothing you've expressed here on the board seems shameful at all.

So her reaction will probably be very reassuring to you.

 

Also, welcome to Babble! (nm) Ľ Soxy

Posted by Dinah on May 29, 2005, at 10:19:14

In reply to How Do I Tell My T, posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T

Posted by Jazzed on May 29, 2005, at 10:22:21

In reply to Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ Soxy, posted by Dinah on May 29, 2005, at 9:20:38

> I can't add much to what Tamar said. Other than to tell you that it has been my experience that no matter how shameful I think something is, my therapist never seems to find it that way. Even when I told him my last remaining secret.
>
> And nothing you've expressed here on the board seems shameful at all.
>
> So her reaction will probably be very reassuring to you.


I can't agree more with what's been said by Tamar and Dinah. You are not disgusting and neither is your sexual orientation. It's a part of what makes you who you are. Would it be easier to write your feelings down in a letter to your T, to let them know how threatening this feels to you, and how you're just not ready to discuss this, and tell them how you fear being rejected, or that they'll feel disgusted by you? I don't think for one minute that will happen though. Being gay is so normal now, I don't think there are too many people who give it undue thought, and a T should be esp. sensitive to your feelings. When I was researching T's on our insurance web site, there wasn't one who didn't have gay lesbian bi-sexual and sexual orientation as one of the issues they deal with. I hope you can become more comfortable with discussing this with your T. I mean do you really think there's nothing they haven't heard before? I know everyone has their really sensitive issues, but I also know it would be a bad (and rare) T who would find anything you've said disgusting.

(((hugs))) and good luck!

Jazzed

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ Soxy

Posted by messadivoce on May 29, 2005, at 11:12:19

In reply to How Do I Tell My T, posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

Hello Soxy,

First, welcome to Babble. I hope you stick around.

I can't add much to what Tamar, Dinah and Jazzed said, except that I had similar fears in therapy, and lots of shame and secretiveness as well. I too felt disgusting at times and was sure my T was going to be repulsed and make me feel even worse. But I can assure you that opening up and making myself vulnerable to my T with my "secrets" was okay, and in the end very healing.

If your T ever makes you feel more ashamed or disgusting, then it's always THEIR problem and the client should never stick around. I know that's easier said than done, but it's not something that should happen in therapy, and any T worth his or her salt knows that.

Voce

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T

Posted by sleepygirl on May 29, 2005, at 13:41:54

In reply to How Do I Tell My T, posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

oh yes, I too have felt the terror of the horrible 'thing' I dare not utter. But I must say, once released that fearsome dragon may not seem so big, and at least it won't hang around inside you, terrifying you.

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T

Posted by sleepygirl on May 29, 2005, at 13:47:00

In reply to How Do I Tell My T, posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

more to what I said, I don't mean to really suggest that whatever you have to say is all that 'horrible', but I REALLY wanted to say I know that it can feel that way. You my friend will surely find acceptance here, even if you can't find it in yourself, take a chance you'll find it with your T. Mine continues to impress me with not running out of the room in horror. It seems I am not nearly as objectionable as I imagine, and I'd gather neither are you.

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T

Posted by Poet on May 29, 2005, at 23:14:26

In reply to How Do I Tell My T, posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

Hi Soxy,

I have a hard time talking about anything in therapy. It's okay to write it down and hand it to your T as you run out the door.

I have social anxiety, too, I so understand how hard it is to try to open up to anybody.

If your T tells you you are disgusting, then you really need to find a new T. Ts should be able to discuss anything without being critical. You are not a freak, try hard not to think of yourself that way, okay?

Take care.

Poet

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ Poet

Posted by littleone on May 30, 2005, at 0:52:12

In reply to Re: How Do I Tell My T, posted by Poet on May 29, 2005, at 23:14:26

Hi Poet,

> I have a hard time talking about anything in therapy. It's okay to write it down and hand it to your T as you run out the door.

I remember you had/have a really tough time passing your writings to your T. Have you found it has gotten any easier?

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T

Posted by Soxy on June 1, 2005, at 3:26:42

In reply to How Do I Tell My T, posted by Soxy on May 29, 2005, at 3:26:19

Thanks everyone for your replys. I'll try and write something for my next appointment and give it to her on the way out the door.

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ littleone

Posted by Poet on June 1, 2005, at 19:03:47

In reply to Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ Poet, posted by littleone on May 30, 2005, at 0:52:12

Hi Littleone,

It's getting a little easier. Two sessions ago I let her read what I wrote in front of me. I hid behind a pillow, coward that I am.

Last session she asked me to read her what I was comfortable reading. I only read a paragraph or two, but she seemed happy that I was sharing that much.

I wrote a poem this week, I may hand it to her on the way out, but I'll let her see it.

Poet

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ Poet

Posted by littleone on June 1, 2005, at 20:52:16

In reply to Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ littleone, posted by Poet on June 1, 2005, at 19:03:47

> It's getting a little easier. Two sessions ago I let her read what I wrote in front of me. I hid behind a pillow, coward that I am.

This made me smile :) I certainly understand the need to hide. I've just never been brave enough to actually do it :)

> Last session she asked me to read her what I was comfortable reading. I only read a paragraph or two, but she seemed happy that I was sharing that much.

That's a paragraph or two more than what I've read. That took courage. I'm glad you're making little steps forward.

 

:-) That's terrific! (nm) Ľ Poet

Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 6:42:22

In reply to Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ littleone, posted by Poet on June 1, 2005, at 19:03:47

 

Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ Poet

Posted by Daisym on June 7, 2005, at 15:32:35

In reply to Re: How Do I Tell My T Ľ littleone, posted by Poet on June 1, 2005, at 19:03:47

I pull the pillows in my lap all the time. Sort of hiding I guess. I think of them as a shield...

I read stuff to my therapist. He likes it better that way too. I'm glad you could do it. You are really pushing yourself, aren't you?

I posted a poem on writing. If you want to share yours, I'd love to read it. No pressure though.

I hope this week is going well.
Daisy


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