Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 507991

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you know what......

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:50:31

In reply to For some reason I talk in circles, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:35:16

I just got a very firm email from fallen4myt who says that I need a T and to listen to her and get my a** in some serious therapy becasue I avoid everything with laughter HAHAHA!!! thats so funny. Me? yeah right. I hope you see this Dr fallen

Fallen you are the greatest BTW the boards miss you!!

how do you stop laughing??? i heard somewhere that laughter was the best medicine.

 

Re: For some reason I talk in circles rainbowbrite

Posted by shrinking violet on June 5, 2005, at 19:43:08

In reply to For some reason I talk in circles, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:35:16

>>I just figure there must be others that understand what Im saying. I dont like therapy, I dont care if I have it, but I know its needed. Make sense?


--Yep, a lot of sense.

 

Re: you know what...... rainbowbrite

Posted by annierose on June 5, 2005, at 21:23:48

In reply to you know what......, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:50:31

Rainbowbright -

Agreed that we all missed Fallen -- COME BACK!

I guess it is scary to let someone get close to you. For me, the theraputic relationship also seems selfish. I am uncomfortable talking only about myself all the time, enough already, b-o-r-i-n-g. My T gently reminds me that is "our contract" (i.e. it's about me). It's a risk. But well worth the fight!

I think if you find a T you connect with, someone that intellectually challenges your thinking, you'll want to stay and get close to that person. That closeness is scary (for all of us that didn't have that as children). But if you accept it, you'll come to love it.

At dinner I started telling you that the first time I did therapy, I was quite young (18) and scared. I didn't want to like her, depend upon her, g-d forbid "need" her, etc. etc. When she went on vacation, I would say "no problem" and meant it. And I fought with her over everything.

Now, doing this again, I feel so completely different. I cringed when she announced her first summer vacation ("No, you can't leave me for 2 weeks) and I tell her how important she is, and how much I depend upon her. It feels so good to be able to tell someone that.

What I'm trying to say, those scary feelings are pushing you away from therapy. But they are worth exploring. The rewards are great.

Annierose

p.s. I like your new name for Spoc, "Sparkles" or "Spark" ... much more her

 

Re: you know what...... annierose

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 21:42:34

In reply to Re: you know what...... rainbowbrite, posted by annierose on June 5, 2005, at 21:23:48

Hi annierose

yup sparkle suits her more.

well I guess I worry therapy will make me feel bad. But I guess the attitude that I have about it isnt going to help the situation if I do try again.


thanks

 

Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL rainbowbrite

Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:20:38

In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL Poet, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 17:32:05


> I make it a social thing and completely steer clear of anything that could potentially bring a tear to my eye. I laughed a lot when I went...just didnt seem 'normal'
>

Ah ha, that hits a chord with me! I don't want to be perceived as abnormal, bad, sick, or defective. I want to be in control, or appear to be in control of my life, and most of all I want to appear incredibly competent and itelligent to the people who matter most to me. Could that have anything to do with the way you "do therapy" poet? I definitely think it's worth giving therapy another shot, what have you got to lose? And there's so much to gain if you can just let down your cover for just a bit at a time.

This was a good topic, thanks Poet!
Jazzy

 

Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL rainbowbrite

Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:26:05

In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL pinkeye, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 17:35:02

> Well see I hate talking about stuff that bugs me UNLESS it is currently a problem. I have thought about writing but?? when I write or talk about stuff I get down. Im starting to think I maybe am an emotionally detached person and that might be my problem. I hate any feeling of discomfort. does that make sense?
>
> Thanks

It makes a lot of sense rainbow. Who wants to feel bad?! I agree, I also want to deal with things as they occur, and once past, it's past, don't want to go there again. I think we protect ourselves by detaching, if we can, which is usually hard in the midst of whatever dilema we're in. I wish I could detach more.

Jazzy

 

Re: i'm the biggest shrinking violet

Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:28:47

In reply to i'm the biggest, posted by shrinking violet on June 5, 2005, at 18:16:09

If they can't handle it, they shouldn't be a T, ShrinkingViolet. Don't blame yourself, you are not bad, you were just in therapy with the wrong T, which is very unfortunate for you.

(((((HUGS)))))))
Jazzy

 

Re: you know what...... rainbowbrite

Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:33:11

In reply to you know what......, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:50:31

Was the email from Fallen recent, or was it from b4 she left? I wish she'd come back. Did she get married?

And, as for this post and the last, I think the fact that you admit you say things and then regret them, even though they are your true feeling, says alot. And, I think that the fact that you want to hide your true self says a lot. Maybe that's where you start in therapy.

Jazzy

 

Re: i'm the biggest pinkeye

Posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:34:46

In reply to Re: i'm the biggest shrinking violet, posted by pinkeye on June 5, 2005, at 18:24:12

> Maybe the key is finding someone who is able to get things out of us. Some of us suit some of us. Mabye if you go to someone else - older, younger, male - maybe then you would have opened up more.
>
> Therapy relationship - like any other depends on both the parties. Sometimes they are just not the right fit for us.

You are SO right pinkeye. Nothing is more important in therapy than finding the right T for you.

Jazzy

 

Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL Jazzed

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 6, 2005, at 10:36:19

In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL rainbowbrite, posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:20:38

to me or poet?

 

Re: you know what...... Jazzed

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 6, 2005, at 10:38:57

In reply to Re: you know what...... rainbowbrite, posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:33:11

It was very recent, last night. she thinks Im a dork about therapy :-)

>>I think the fact that you admit you say things and then regret them, even though they are your true feeling, says alot. And, I think that the fact that you want to hide your true self says a lot. Maybe that's where you start in therapy

Ugh! did I say that? :-)

You may be right....but I want to be perfect, and not be vulnerable LOL

you made a good point

 

really bad T

Posted by Shortelise on June 6, 2005, at 11:36:04

In reply to Just curious about therapy failures LOL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48

About eight years ago, when I had first decided that I needed help dealing with my work anxiety, I went to a counselling psychologist who works with people in the business I work in. I told him about the problems I was having, talked in depth about how the anxiety was getting in the way of me doing my job, etc.
He was very offhand. Are you working right now, he asked. No, I said (I work on contract and when I am working I wouldn't have time to see a therapist.) It was as if he hadn't heard a word I said. He told me to come back when I was working. Idiot! I work 16 hours a day for a few days, then I wait for the next call... how...??

That was a failure. I never bothered to return to him.

ShortE

 

Re: Just curious about therapy failures LOL rainbowbrite

Posted by messadivoce on June 6, 2005, at 12:21:49

In reply to Just curious about therapy failures LOL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48

Well, I'm glad that people here can laugh at their therapy "failures". I had my own therapy failure when I was 16. I was experiencing the hallmark signs of depression/sucide and my folks found me an MFT. Being ignorant I didn't know what questions to ask, I just went with the process. My dad is in the clergy and there is a deep suspicion of psychologists/therapists in my denomination, so this woman was "safe" b/c she ascribed to our beliefs.

She certainly avoided certain issues (such as family history) and focused mainly on stuff I was experiencing at school and church. I think it would have only taken one or two probing questions to get to the heart of my sadness, but there were unspoken boundaries in there about what we would and would not talk about. I thought, okay, maybe this is the way therapy is supposed to work.

I think I got a moment of clarity that she was not the right T when before a session, I ran into someone I knew in her waiting room (she shared a waitingn room with other Ts). I went into my session feeling uneasy and embarrassed about seeing this person, and mentioned it at the beginning of my session. I told her I was embarrassed that someone knew I was here in therapy and she actually ROLLED her EYES at me and then refused to even discuss it!! Had she had any discernment at ALL she could have picked up on the guilt and shame I felt about...everything.

She terminated me 2 months later, claming I was okay again, but unfortunately she didn't leave me with any "tools" (except bad CBT techniques) and I soon lapsed back into depression. Only this time I got better at hiding it, and it was a good 3 years before I was able to admit to myself that it was NOT normal to, for example, cry over the spaghetti while I was cooking it.

That was my therapy failure. But even though I may get a C for effort, she gets an F.

That was when I found my 2nd T, and I did absoutely no research on therapy, but it turned out okay. Mostly because he was the right one for me. I lucked out. But I think it was God, too.

 

Re: Just curious about therapy rainbowbrite

Posted by partlycloudy on June 6, 2005, at 12:52:47

In reply to Just curious about therapy failures LOL, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 13:44:48

Rain, I am so glad you started this thread. I know my current therapist is a dud, as nice as she is. I'm back from our wonderful babble trip and feel more depressed than ever and had a panic attack at the grocery store this morning... and my therapist didn't offer me another appointment because I'm doing "so much better", eh?

So far no therapist has really addressed my depression and anxiety except for the portion of EMDR treatment that helped with performance anxiety at work. Oops. Except, I'm not working anymore so I guess the treatment didn't really get to the heart of THAT problem.

I do understand that maybe I've been seeing T's that might help when you're in a crisis, but not for addressing long term life issues.

At least we know it's not us!
partlycloudy working on a better name.

 

no it WASNT her Jazzed

Posted by shrinking violet on June 6, 2005, at 13:03:35

In reply to Re: i'm the biggest shrinking violet, posted by Jazzed on June 6, 2005, at 8:28:47

She *was* the "right" T. I don't mean "perfect," as there are no super-perfect-just-the-right T out there (some who think they are, but that's different!). She was definitely the right PERSON, at the very least. I remember my T asking me once, if I thought there was a "super T" or something along those lines out there for me. I told her no. I didn't mean that no T's are any good (which is how she took it), I just meant something like that "perfect" people don't exist, whether T's or not, and I'm such a horrid client that no t could deal with me. Then we seguayed into something, I can't remember how, and I told her she always reads me wrong. And boy that was a stupid thing to say, she said it must be hell sitting with someone every week who reads them wrong. She asked if I had any responsibility in her feeling that way. I told her yes. She was glad I said that. Then not long after that, in the same session, she said we should have one or two more sessions and that's all. This was back in March. So, yeah, it IS/WAS me. All b/c I couldn't manage to say what was really in my head, and in my heart, and in the pit of my stomach, and squirming in my chest. Instead I sat there, and let her project onto me, and it got worse and worse. And now I'll never fix it, and I'll never forgive myself for it. :-(

Yeah, um, advice: Don't go reading detailed notes you've made on specific sessions when you're still raw from an experience like this. *cry*

Anyway, I just wanted to defend her some. I feel like too many people are "bashing" my T lately and it isn't fair (not here, per se, more in-real-life, but it spills over, I guess).

Thanks,
sv

> If they can't handle it, they shouldn't be a T, ShrinkingViolet. Don't blame yourself, you are not bad, you were just in therapy with the wrong T, which is very unfortunate for you.
>
> (((((HUGS)))))))
> Jazzy

 

Re: Just curious about therapy

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 6, 2005, at 13:52:54

In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy rainbowbrite, posted by partlycloudy on June 6, 2005, at 12:52:47

Thanks everyone for your input, im going to try to soak it all in and figure out what I should do. Ick therapy!


you know, partlycloudy i think it was our names that made it rain hehe

Thanks guys

rain

 

Re: Just curious about therapy rainbowbrite

Posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2005, at 15:08:22

In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on June 6, 2005, at 13:52:54

When I think of your name I see the "rainbow" part of it, so it surprised me that you shortened "rainbowbrite" to "rain", not "rainbow"...

I think many people have trouble being honest and open in therapy. None of us want someone else to know about all our shortcomings and failures! I was convinced for a very long time that if anyone really knew me that they would hate me - that it was critical for me to keep people from seeing the real me. Only by being honest with my therapist (and now Babblers, and a few IRL friends) am I starting to believe that people might know the real me and still like me.

I am pathologically honest. I'm honest when I should be quiet. I'm honest when it feels dangerous (because it is worse, for me, to be dishonest). But, at the same time, it takes force each time to admit things. I "do" the forcing because I know that in the long run it will be better if I do.

This is a place where babysteps works well. You need to tell a small secret and find out how it goes over. Then you can tell a slightly bigger secret. Eventually, hopefully, you can tell the big secrets. Keeping secrets is very dangerous.

Since you "know" that you need therapy, can you find a therapist who you are comfortable with and then push yourself to take those baby steps? It really is better to start when you are younger (then you don't have to spend so many years being unhappy) if you can.

What kind of therapy were you doing? How long? Sometimes building this trust takes a long time.

If you KNOW you have issues to work on, then perhaps you can decide to "just do it". You deserve to be happy.

 

Re: Just curious about therapy fallsfall

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 6, 2005, at 15:30:31

In reply to Re: Just curious about therapy rainbowbrite, posted by fallsfall on June 6, 2005, at 15:08:22

>>When I think of your name I see the "rainbow" part of it, so it surprised me that you shortened "rainbowbrite" to "rain", not "rainbow"...

you know I dont know why it got shortened....I think fallen started calling me that....and then it stuck lol

thanks falls, I think i do need baby steps. im not sure that I *need* therapy I just think I must need it, if that makes sense. I must need something but it is hard.

If you get me in a position to talk about stuff I generally will but I am very very emotionally detached and it just flows out like its nothing...you know..like the most depressing thing I can kinda brush off as nothing. Lets just say Im not comfortable with sad emotions. Even in others. See I am even having a difficult time writing this with a 'serious' tone.
And recently I got sad news and it totally freaked me out...I was driving and I had to blare the music and start belting out the song because it hurt so much and I didnt want to think about it...so I think I am really uncomfortable with pain.
But maybe that is where I should start, thinking about why I have such a hard time sitting with uncomfortable feelings ..icky

>>What kind of therapy were you doing? How long?

some sort of talk therapy, I would say it was probably was more cbt it lasted 6 mths. But I did go under duress when I was younger for awhile...but I dont do anything well when I dont want to do it....see at that point Id rather dodge the issue and hmmm hide behind cars after being dropped off to not have to go in :-)

But the 6mths was an honest as much as I could do try...It was when I started posting here. I just couldnt relate to anything anyone sai dreally and I wanted to. Then I thought that maybe i just wasnt meant for it and Id solve my own problems in time. but Im not so sure Im that talented :-)

Thanks

 

Re: no it WASNT her shrinking violet

Posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 18:40:24

In reply to no it WASNT her Jazzed, posted by shrinking violet on June 6, 2005, at 13:03:35

I can understand the frustration of not beign able to reach out when help is offered.

I also think I should have told my ex T about my problems with my father when I still had a chance. That would have helped him understand me a lot more. I didn't say it for all those 2 and a half years. And now I feel bad.

But sometimes even if the T is personally very good and well intentioned and tries to get things out of us, it takes a long time for some people to talk. You have seen people here who are in therapy much longer than you. And many issues come out at a longer time - it takes years for some people to talk and trust. Maybe it is just a matter of time with your Ex T. And she couldn't wait for you long enough. (because of university considerations etc). And now that you are ready, you should find someone else.

 

Re: For some reason I talk in circles rainbowbrite

Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 6:30:43

In reply to For some reason I talk in circles, posted by rainbowbrite on June 5, 2005, at 18:35:16

Why do you think it's needed?

For some people therapy isn't the answer.

What about yourself would you like to change, and how, ideally, would therapy help you change them.

 

Re: For some reason I talk in circles Dinah

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 7, 2005, at 7:14:24

In reply to Re: For some reason I talk in circles rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 6:30:43

>>Why do you think it's needed?

im crazy :-)

>>For some people therapy isn't the answer.

Oh thankyou for saying that! It truely is music to my ears. I get told by people that I *need* it....just the odd person who see me when Im stressed or whatever. Im pretty hyper (esp off meds) in general but when Im stressed Im a NUT case lol But I guess when you keep stuff inside and dont get it out you can explode...Im worried about that. do you think its true?

>>What about yourself would you like to change, and how, ideally, would therapy help you change them.

I want to be more content with life, I feel hollow, I feel like Im superficial. I feel like I am afraid of getting too *close* to people and so there must be something wrong with me. I want to be able to grow up and have a happy family ....but I cant even allow myself to grow up. I want to find some meaning in my life. Im lost. I think this sounds like Im kidding... but I am being totally genuine.
Theres more to it but I supose I just want to feel more complete...oh I do sound so cheesy...but Im serious.

I dont know if therapy would change anything...I guess im just wondering if I will always be a lost soul without it.

 

Re: For some reason I talk in circles rainbowbrite

Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 7:26:43

In reply to Re: For some reason I talk in circles Dinah, posted by rainbowbrite on June 7, 2005, at 7:14:24

Well...

My husband and his family seem to be perfectly content living on the surface of life. It was an astonishing thing to watch when my mother in law got sicker and sicker and then died.

But if you aren't, therapy might be able to help. I've found that my therapy, which frequently focuses on building and maintaining a relationship with my therapist, is especially good for that.

Of course, timing is also an issue. I went to therapy when I was a teen and got nothing from it. I just happened across it at the right time. And no significant results were to be seen for years, even so.

Do you think this is the right time in your life to pursue therapy, even if in general you think you would benefit from it?

 

Re: For some reason I talk in circles Dinah

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 7, 2005, at 7:43:20

In reply to Re: For some reason I talk in circles rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 7:26:43

>>Do you think this is the right time in your life to pursue therapy, even if in general you think you would benefit from it?

Possibly not. I guess I never really thought of there being a good time. Maybe there never will be and I need to go along as I am and things will fall into place.

I was extreme about myself in that previous post. I actually dont think all those things about me...its more I guess Im feeling Im at an empty place right now. Im not unhappy. Im just lost I guess. So maybe I do just need time.

 

Re: For some reason I talk in circles rainbowbrite

Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 9:29:23

In reply to Re: For some reason I talk in circles Dinah, posted by rainbowbrite on June 7, 2005, at 7:43:20

I'm not trying to discourage you. :)

It's just that even though I'm obviously a big therapy fan, I do understand that it might not be right for every person at every time.

It's a big investment of time and money, and I think it's wise for anyone with any doubts at all to think about it a bit.

 

I didnt find you discouraging at all (nm) Dinah

Posted by rainbowbrite on June 7, 2005, at 9:59:15

In reply to Re: For some reason I talk in circles rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2005, at 9:29:23


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