Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 502953

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Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 22:44:34

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

I wish you'd give it another try. Sometimes we read the posts that need the most attention without realizing how much pain the person is in. I hope you will try again, and let us know what's going on.

Jazzed

 

Re: Goodbye...

Posted by gardenergirl on May 25, 2005, at 23:09:12

In reply to Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg, posted by Jazzed on May 25, 2005, at 22:44:34

Oh my goodness. I'm shocked. And I suspect that is part of the problem. I have always loved reading your posts, and you are always supportive. Now I'm wondering if I was missing something in your posts. Missing something that let me know how you were feeling?

I of course want you to do what's right for you. But I am selfishly feeling very sad at your goodbye.

((((pfinstegg))))

Good luck on your path to wellness. You will be missed.

gg

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by 10derHeart on May 25, 2005, at 23:37:07

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

I'm shocked, too. I feel much as gg already wrote. Wow. We must have missed something.

I thought...
I thought just yesterday your posts
Above were wonderful, illuminating, warm
I've always eagerly gone to your posts when you pop back in here.

Hope it's not actually something we collectively overlooked, failed to try to help you with...
Maybe just bad triggers right now...?
But you sound more resigned and upset than that :-(

oh dear.
this is very, very sad if it must be this way.
you will be missed a whole, whole lot...

any chance you'd reconsider? tell us more about what's happened?

 

Re: Goodbye...

Posted by JenStar on May 25, 2005, at 23:59:13

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

I'm sorry you feel that you need to go! If you do decide to stay, I'll try to give you as much support as I can. Take care of yourself. You belong here in many ways, and you will be missed if you go. :)

JenStar

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by messadivoce on May 26, 2005, at 0:06:30

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

I hope you don't go!! You are such an asset to this community. What if you took a babble break? But please come back. :-(

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by daisym on May 26, 2005, at 0:35:44

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

I wish you had your babble mail on.

I'm sad because I think we are on such similar paths, and similar in age. Everytime I think I can't keep doing this work, can't keep going this much, I think of you and how far you've come. You've normalize so much of what is happening for me, and I'll love you forever for that. I can't help feeling that somehow your feelings were hurt; selfishly, I hope not by me. I was feeling silly last night because I thought I noticed that you weren't posting to me and then I told myself it was all in my head. And sure enough, there you were this morning on the parenting board to me...:)

I hope maybe you can do what Falls does, drop in now and again and let us know how things are. Take care of yourself, all of yourselves and your sweet therapist too. I will miss you.
(((Pfinstegg)))

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by Tamar on May 26, 2005, at 4:00:03

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

Im really sorry to hear you want to leave. Im sorry that I didnt get to know you better, sorry that I often didnt know what to say in response to your posts, and sorry if my silence was something that contributed to your pain.

Also, I have one thing I really want to thank you for. A few months ago, when I was still lurking, you posted a quote from a book by Judith Herman, where she was talking about traumatic transference. When I read it, it was as if a lightbulb went on. It made so much sense in my own circumstances. It made some of my struggles more tolerable. I hoped that one day I might have enough insight to be able to say something that could be helpful to you.

((((Pfinstegg))))

Thanks for being here.

 

Oh Pfinstegg

Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2005, at 5:34:02

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

I don't know what to say.

You've meant so much to me, and taught me so much about connections and brain activity. As a start only.

I can't help but think that I've failed in empathy or attunement somewhere that you would feel lonely or not to know who to say goodbye to.

I have enjoyed you so very much over the years. I really can't tell you how much you've meant to me. I know that lately there has been some misunderstanding on my part of your therapy experiences, but surely misunderstandings and corrections and rapprochements are part of any relationship?

If you ever decide to try here again, I hope you'll feel free to let me know how I've let you down, and give me hints how to do better, and allow for rapprochement. Isn't that what we've been learning all this time? To learn to ask for what we need? And to learn to give others a chance to give it?

I don't mean to make this about me. And I'm sure it's not.

But because you, Pfinstegg, mean something important to me, Dinah, I have a desire to correct whatever went wrong between us.

If you ever wish to contact me off board, you know my email.

 

Re: Oh Pfinstegg

Posted by annierose on May 26, 2005, at 7:13:40

In reply to Oh Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2005, at 5:34:02

Pfinstegg -

I too always enjoyed reading your enlighting posts. You write from such a personal perspecitve with academic information, I found your posts so illuminating ... light bulbs going off all the time.

You are one of the few posters that occasionally lie down (like me). I really hope you just take a break and decided to come back when you are ready. We need your wisdom here.

Thank you.

Annierose

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by fallsfall on May 26, 2005, at 7:38:07

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

Might I be bold enough to ask if perhaps this is a manifestation of work you are doing in therapy now? You have come and gone in the past according to your needs, and that has seemed to work out OK. We miss you when you are on sabatical, but are always happy to see you return.

I see with Daisy that she will start pulling back from her therapist (because she is feeling too clingy), and simultaneously she pulls back from me and from Babble. Your post sounds unusual to me - not like the pfinstegg I'm used to hearing. What is going on in your life right now? Could Babble be another instance of how you are feeling in general? Can we help you work on it?

Can you tell us why it feels so lonely and painful? Sometimes I think you are a little farther down the road than other people here - sort of blazing the trail. I could see why that would feel lonely. But perhaps if you could talk about it with us, you would find that there really are people here who can understand you, and who can offer things to you.

So I guess that I would echo what the others have said - that you are a valuable member of this community and would be missed so much. But I also want to ask if there is a way that we can help you through this.

Falls.

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by Miss Honeychurch on May 26, 2005, at 8:28:19

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

Pfinstegg,

I have always enjoyed your posts. What happened, sweetie?

 

Re: Goodbye... fallsfall

Posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2005, at 8:31:54

In reply to Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg, posted by fallsfall on May 26, 2005, at 7:38:07

Thank you all, each one, for your warm, kind messages. I have actually been feeling very alone here for a long time- about two years- but I thought I would be able to overcome it. Now, I am realizing that I'm not able to. It's nothing to do with anything anyone has done here; it has to do with my own limitations. I guess some of you know that, in addition to have an alcoholic father who was physically and sexually abusive, my mother broke down and entered a mental hospital when I was born; I coped with that by taking trying to take care of her when she returned (when I was three). In the process, I never learned how to depend on anyone, or ask for things for myself, no matter how badly I might want or need them. I can see I'm just repeating that pattern here. I really don't know how to stop doing it, so I finally decided it would be better to at least stop repeating this behavior. For me, on-line communication has turned out to be kind of unreal and dangerous. I can't emphasize enough that this is only true for me. It's absolutely vital for me to see someone face-to-face- that way, I can get through my fears and make meaningful connections. I can do that with almost anyone, if I can see them! Maybe a few years from now, things like Babble will seem easy and natural to me- i hope so!. Absolutely no blame towards anyone, and heartfelt thanks for your many very kind and warm thoughts. They did get through, and I do deeply appreciate them.

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by Jazzed on May 26, 2005, at 9:00:30

In reply to Re: Goodbye... fallsfall, posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2005, at 8:31:54

I'm so sorry for all that you went through Pfinstegg. No child should have to endure such torture. It makes me very sad, and makes me want to try so much harder with my own kids. I understand that you don't feel this is healthy for you right now, but I do hope eventually you'll feel more comfortable with it. I hope you can work through everything with your T.
((((((((((((((((huggs)))))))))))))))

Jazzed

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2005, at 9:08:08

In reply to Re: Goodbye... fallsfall, posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2005, at 8:31:54

I hope you're right. That Babble will someday feel a safe place for you. I'll always be happy to see your name.

Take care of yourself. I have infinite faith in you.

With great respect,

Dinah

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by gardenergirl on May 26, 2005, at 15:27:18

In reply to Re: Goodbye... fallsfall, posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2005, at 8:31:54

Thanks for explaining about your needs. I think your decision makes sense to me, but I wish it didn't. :(

And I know this is also not face to face, but I wanted to make sure I said this: please feel free to email any time. You can reach me at gardenergirl88 at yahoo dot com

I would love to hear how analysis is going for you, if you feel comfortable sharing that. If you do not, I understand, and I want you to know I always valued your contributions.

Take care,

gg

 

Re: Goodbye...

Posted by happyflower on May 26, 2005, at 16:14:23

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

Please don't leave me and us. You were so wonderful to me helping me today with your supportive words. I need you! But I will respect you doing what you think is best for you but if you deceide to leave, know that you will be missed and that you can always come back to us.

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by TofuEmmy on May 26, 2005, at 16:31:10

In reply to Re: Goodbye... fallsfall, posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2005, at 8:31:54

"I never learned how to depend on anyone, or ask for things for myself, no matter how badly I might want or need them. "

I sooo know this problem. When have you ever seen Emmy post about a problem or ask for support? Um...never. But I stick around to learn from others experiences in that process.

I'm glad you are able to connect in person. I suck at that - unless I am paying $115/hr (that's to my T, not a hooker - although maybe I should try that..... )

Well, if you ever wanna totally not connect with someone via Babblemail - I'm your girl!!

Take care, emmy

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by Aphrodite on May 26, 2005, at 19:43:58

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

Pfinstegg,

I too have been absent and understand your plight. I did not say a formal goodbye, so I could always leave the door open. I hope you return if you need to or if it feels right.

It feels right today to return after months so I could let you know how much you normalized ego state disorder for me, how although it has been lonely on Babble for you, you made me feel less alone in life. I'll always remember how you described it -- one time you said that finding the existence of ego states was scary but better than the depression and anxiety that signaled their unconscious existence. I bet I quoted you almost word for word even though it's been months. That's how much it resonated.

Thanks for turning me on to Allan Schore, to inspiring great right-brained therapy discussions and actions between my therapist and me, and for your support.

I wish you all the best.

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by partlycloudy on May 26, 2005, at 20:33:58

In reply to Re: Goodbye... fallsfall, posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2005, at 8:31:54

I really hope to see you back again. You've been a great source of advice and support for me. I think we started posting around the same time here.
Take good care.
pc

 

Re: Goodbye...

Posted by B2chica on May 27, 2005, at 11:24:02

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

P!
oh hun, i will miss you terribly. i'm sorry if i wasn't supportive. sometimes i just think it's better that i don't reply to some posts cuz i don't know what to say and don't want to say the wrong things.
i hope you change your mind. i wish you nothing but happiness, and you need to do what it takes to get that.
peace be with you.
b2c.

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by All Done on May 27, 2005, at 13:18:36

In reply to Re: Goodbye... fallsfall, posted by Pfinstegg on May 26, 2005, at 8:31:54

You will certainly be missed, Pfinstegg.

I wish you all the best.

Take care,
Laurie

 

Re: Goodbye... Pfinstegg

Posted by shrinking violet on May 27, 2005, at 14:23:31

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

I'll miss you. You've always offered support and insights to my posts, and I always appreciated that. I'm sorry you weren't able to feel the same in return (please don't read that as sarcastic or anything like that, I'm sincerely sorry you aren't able to feel support here). I hope your feelings change in the future and you come back to us. You're valued here.

Take care,
sv

 

Pfinstegg Re: Goodbye...

Posted by 64bowtie on May 28, 2005, at 1:17:09

In reply to Goodbye..., posted by Pfinstegg on May 25, 2005, at 22:21:57

Pfinstegg

Babble is a family... The family will miss you...

Rod

 

Re: thanks to you all

Posted by Pfinstegg on May 31, 2005, at 1:28:41

In reply to Pfinstegg Re: Goodbye..., posted by 64bowtie on May 28, 2005, at 1:17:09

Your messages were all so warm- loving, really. I appreciate every one. I do need to leave, now, but I'll be taking your wonderful messages with me. I need to draw back some right now, and work on the earliest and most painful aspects of my life with just my analyst and art therapist. But I'm taking every one of your messages with me- I won't ever forget them...

 

Re: thanks to you all Pfinstegg

Posted by littleone on May 31, 2005, at 15:49:26

In reply to Re: thanks to you all, posted by Pfinstegg on May 31, 2005, at 1:28:41

> Your messages were all so warm- loving, really. I appreciate every one. I do need to leave, now, but I'll be taking your wonderful messages with me. I need to draw back some right now, and work on the earliest and most painful aspects of my life with just my analyst and art therapist. But I'm taking every one of your messages with me- I won't ever forget them...

Please come back afterwards. I've missed you while you've been quiet.


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