Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 502281

Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

my fairytale is over!

Posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 14:27:37

Yup, today, I realize I can't marry my T! Yes, I am happily married, and yes he is also married. But the fact he doesn't wear a ring, made me fantizize about it. But he mentioned his wife and kid today, so I know my fantazy is over. I am not sad, just relieved. Now I need to work more on my real relationship with my husband. Now maybe therapy will work since I am no longer in love with my T. But I trust him, which means a lot. I have come a long way. I believe he will help me make my life better with real people in it, not people I pay to listen to me. That would probably be the best compliment to give him, make myself whole. I will be sad someday to leave him, because he has made my life so much better. But I can accept it. I will be okay, maybe I will cry, but I will be fine.

 

it happens. hugs. you got a good hubby. be glad :) (nm) happyflower

Posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 14:33:35

In reply to my fairytale is over!, posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 14:27:37

 

Re: my fairytale is over! happyflower

Posted by Annierose on May 24, 2005, at 15:23:15

In reply to my fairytale is over!, posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 14:27:37

happyflower-

just a few thoughts ... your therapist is a real person, and this is a real relationship. it is just a relationship with defined boundaries and some sort of "rules" (so to speak). so don't discount your feelings with or about your therapist.

i'm glad he did disclose that he was married. do you think you'd be able to tell him what you wrote here ... maybe with humor ... "darn, now that i know you're married, is it still okay to fantasize about you?" it would take tons of courage. my therapist is female, so i don't run into that issue, but i have let her know how much she means to me, how much i think about our work, etc. etc.

i agree too, that leaving therapy will be bittersweet. for me, i am hoping that day is long off in the future, and i know my t will not push me out the door in a hurry.

 

Re: my fairytale is over! Annierose

Posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 16:11:52

In reply to Re: my fairytale is over! happyflower, posted by Annierose on May 24, 2005, at 15:23:15

> just a few thoughts ... your therapist is a real person, and this is a real relationship. it is just a relationship with defined boundaries and some sort of "rules" (so to speak). so don't discount your feelings with or about your therapist.
>

I do feel my feeling are real.I respect him very much. In fact I feel there was some mutual feelings of attraction in the beginning. He has mentioned his wife and daughter before, but he didn't wear a ring, so I though maybe they are separated or something. But today, he mentioned something that told told me that they do live together. It was just a fantasy, so I don't feel I need to tell him about my past erotic feelings because they have been disappering over the last couple of months. I did tell him today that I like him and trust him and thats why I am scared, so thats why I push him away ( see my other thread above). I actually feel better that the fantasy is over. I am not really hurting or sad about it. I feel I have more appropiate feelings for him. I feel like I can move into the tuff stuff we need to do without being in la la land of being married to him someday and being his soul mate. lol Reality is good sometimes! I feel better.

 

Re: my fairytale is over! happyflower

Posted by Daisym on May 24, 2005, at 18:01:44

In reply to Re: my fairytale is over! Annierose, posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 16:11:52

This is a sincere question...

How did you manage to just switch off your feelings...make them be something else? I'm struggling with how I feel and how I *think* I should feel. My gut refuses to go along with what my head knows. Reality based thinking hasn't helped. I'm usually such a grounded, logical person. It isn't exactly the same issue -- I don't want to marry him -- but similar enough that I had to ask.

 

Re: my fairytale is over!

Posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 18:59:28

In reply to Re: my fairytale is over! happyflower, posted by Daisym on May 24, 2005, at 18:01:44

> This is a sincere question...
>
> How did you manage to just switch off your feelings...make them be something else?

I really don't know how I swiched off my feelings, maybe I will feel different tommorrow! lol But I guess just hearing him talk about his wife and daughter just made me realize he really isn't available. I think he is a great guy, and I feel I know about as much as a women knows a guys after a few dates. I would love to pursue a relationship if he wasn't married and I wasn't either. Maybe after I told him I liked him and was feeling too close to him and wanted to back away because I was scared, he read between the lines. Letting me know again he was married, was letting me down nicely. Maybe he sensed our attraction already and it is his way of telling me that it couldn't be possible. And he knows I have good values and would never want to break up any marriage. I really don't know, maybe after I admitted to him I was getting too close, maybe admitting it, made it less intense. All I know is I feel so much better getting it out in the open. Any ideas?


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