Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 502259

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cognitive psychology?help me please

Posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 13:42:54

What role does transference play in cognitive psychology? My T says this is the type of therapy he uses but what does it mean really? It doesn't seem like he wants transference, he says he doesn't want me to put him on a pedestal. But today he said he thought I was very critical of him. But really I think the best of him and really like him. But really I try to push him away, when I feel I am getting too close to him. People that I have got close to in my past life always disapointed me. So he said he understands now why I SEEM critical, when really I am scared to getting too attached to him. I want to push him away so he doesn't push me away first. We are going to talk more next session, but what do you all think? What should I do? How do I make friends if I push them away by being what seems as being critical of them? My T says he likes that I am honest, so talk about mixed messages. Help! It was a very good and honest session today. I didn't realize I seemed critical of him when actually I like him and think he has helped me so much. Why do I do this? Why am I misunderstood? My mind is spinning! What do you all think?

 

Re: cognitive psychology?help me please happyflower

Posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 14:03:08

In reply to cognitive psychology?help me please, posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 13:42:54

Here is my attempt. I might be wrong

> What role does transference play in cognitive psychology?

---From my experience, not too much. Transference happens for the client in cognitive psychology (CBT), but I think the therapists are not trained too much into dealing with it. My current CBT therapist doesn't encourage even a little bit of transference, she doesn't want it, doesn't want to encourage any liking towards her and she is not going to deal with it. So God help me if I ever develop transference towards her. She is not going to help.

My ex T had little more common sense. He allowed me to tell him stuff and let me feel whatever I felt, but I think he also didn't know how to make too much sense out of it. HE was probably not trained as well for all these confusing projections. If you want to work through your trasnference, and heal, you might want to find some other form of therapy.

My T says this is the type of therapy he uses but what does it mean really?

--- He is more focussed on dealing with the real world as of now - rather than focussing on the past and letting you regress and bring out your emotions, and help you make sense of the way you feel. In other words, he is willing to help you correct your logical mistakes. But not too much into emotional regression and healing.

It doesn't seem like he wants transference, he says he doesn't want me to put him on a pedestal.

----Yeah, no therapists wants to be in a
pedestal. But unfortunately, the client ends up putting them in one anyway. Unless they are brutally distant or same sex therapist (that helps in most cases - like my current T).

But today he said he thought I was very critical of him. But really I think the best of him and really like him.

--- You could be doing both. From your logical mind you are probably evaluating him and sensing his mistakes. We all do that - because it is such an enigma to us - to tell everything to a person whom we know nothing about. You are probably trying to make some sense out of this person.

But really I try to push him away, when I feel I am getting too close to him. People that I have got close to in my past life always disapointed me. So he said he understands now why I SEEM critical, when really I am scared to getting too attached to him. I want to push him away so he doesn't push me away first. We are going to talk more next session, but what do you all think? What should I do? How do I make friends if I push them away by being what seems as being critical of them? My T says he likes that I am honest, so talk about mixed messages. Help! It was a very good and honest session today. I didn't realize I seemed critical of him when actually I like him and think he has helped me so much. Why do I do this? Why am I misunderstood? My mind is spinning! What do you all think?


----- There is a deeper emotional self to all of us which kind of tends to do this pushing away. I have seen it in myself, and in almost everyone around us. Once bitten, twice shy. Same theory. But you need to consciously change that pattern.

 

Re: cognitive psychology?help me please pinkeye

Posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 14:17:26

In reply to Re: cognitive psychology?help me please happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 14:03:08

Wow! Your insite really rocks! I am impressed with you pinkeye! Thanks! So the fact he uses so much disclosure about himself, is it to make him look human, instead of a superhero? I think I am going crazy!

 

any good info sites on cognitive therapy?

Posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 14:19:49

In reply to Re: cognitive psychology?help me please pinkeye, posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 14:17:26

I would like to figure out what he is doing with my brain! :)

 

Babble is the best!! happyflower

Posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 14:24:45

In reply to any good info sites on cognitive therapy?, posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 14:19:49

You read the boards extensively for 4 - 5 months.
Start with a person you identify with who hopefully has had more experience with therapy than you (since you are fresh), and then try to read that persons history as much as possible.

Some posters here are especially good in relating the story very well, and how it helps them etc. And they are good in telling what their therapist told them. (For instance, recently I read through many of Daisy's past posts - when my current therapist told me I have some form of CSA to see what her therapist view is and how he responded to her to get more understanding for myself, since I knew she is going through the same thing and I liked her therapist's views.).

You can do something like that. Reading articles is more intellectual help - reading through therapy experience is more emotional healing. You might want to do both.

 

Re: cognitive psychology?help me please happyflower

Posted by Daisym on May 24, 2005, at 18:23:14

In reply to cognitive psychology?help me please, posted by happyflower on May 24, 2005, at 13:42:54

I'm not sure that your therapist is pure CBT if he is talking about "your" relationship. He doesn't sound analytic with a lot of self disclosure however. Most therapists these days are sort of eclectic in their approach anyway.

Your question: "what is he doing to my brain?" (sorry, paraphrasing) made me laugh. I used to ask that ALL the time when I started all of this. Ultimately I figured out that while there are technics and approaches, our responses to therapy come from inside us. There are no "tricks" that call out certain feelings. It is an unfolding and the things that need to be worked on usually rise to the top. (Usually -- some of us are really good at throwing out red herrings! :)

I think is great that you had such an honest conversation and now you can look at your behavior with others. That is exactly what therapy is supposed to do, provide you with a micro-world in which to build awareness of yourself. I wouldn't worry about transference or anything else. Just be honest with him and yourself as you go through this. Everything else usually takes care of itself.

Not to say it isn't a scary, mind-blowing ride. And this post is definately a "do as I say, not as I do" post. I'm glad you've got a good therapist to help you.

 

Re: Babble is the best!! pinkeye

Posted by Daisym on May 24, 2005, at 18:26:21

In reply to Babble is the best!! happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 14:24:45

Hey pinkeye,

I just wanted to say I'm glad my long, wordy, emotional posts helped someone. I always (always!) worry that I write too much and with too much detail. I think sometimes I write it out as much for myself as for anyone else, but I love the feedback I get. I've learned so much here and made it through some really tough times.

You are right -- Babble is the best!


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