Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 456004

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all emotional over a book--new realizations

Posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 17:25:44

i have been reading "The Myth of Sanity: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness" by Martha Stout and i am so emotional. i feel like bawling. i am realizing that a lot of my childhood experiences were in fact, traumatic, and i don't know how to handle all the memories. i had just, in the past, thought that what i lived through really couldn't have been that bad, but this book explains what makes certain experiences traumatic and how early trauma can result in dissociation as a knee-jerk reaction later in life. only a month ago i lost four hours--a fugue, i believe you call it. i have no memory of what happened or what set me off. i thought that i had all the childhood cr*p figured out and under control and now this book is tearing me apart. i have no one to talk to about all this and no therapist to call or see in the near future (besides the one that wants to charge me $120 up front). so i called a T that turned me away a month a and half ago b/c her "caseload was too full" and left a message asking if her caselaod had changed and if she could possibly take me on as a client. i know i shouldn't have called her asking that, but she would have been/could be a great T who i could afford to see.

SM

 

Re: all emotional over a book--new realizations smokeymadison

Posted by Pfinstegg on February 10, 2005, at 18:09:02

In reply to all emotional over a book--new realizations, posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 17:25:44

Now that you know that you dissociate to try to help yourself cope with unbearable feelings surrounding childhood neglect and abuse- of whatever kind-try your very best to find a therapist who deals with PTSD and the spectrum of dissociative disorders. I know it's very hard to do, because of your not having worked recently- and also because there really aren't many therapists who are skilled enough to deal well with that- but do try. I just in the last two years finally went to a therapist who specializes in that, and he has helped me SO much more than the other therapists I went to before. Those therapists didn't have any idea that that was what was really wrong with me- I didn't know either, and was keeping myself from knowing anything about the csa that had happened to me. It has been such a relief to uncover at least some of those unconscious memories- almost immediately, a lot of my depression and anxiety went away. I'd say, ask each therapist you see whether they have experience with Complex PTSD- csa and disorders on the dissociative spectrum. It won't be easy to find the right therapist, but, if you keep looking, you will find just the right one for you. Therapists who are knowledeable about all of this really like working with patients who suffer from it, because, serious as it is, it has a GOOD prognosis if treated properly.

 

Re: all emotional over a book--new realizations

Posted by daisym on February 10, 2005, at 18:57:33

In reply to Re: all emotional over a book--new realizations smokeymadison, posted by Pfinstegg on February 10, 2005, at 18:09:02

Sm,

It is not unusual to be triggered by a book. Seeing yourself on paper can be very disconcerting. I wish you had someone to help you with this. I have a few ideas:
Google - "Abuse survivors" or "Courage to Survive" and your city or providence. You may find a support group in your area that is free or very low cost. You might also find an email buddy who can offer support in more personal way than Babble (not that we don't care and we can be very supportive.) There are also crisis lines that can be helpful.

I agree with pfinstegg. A therapist who knows what to do and how to help you is critical. The last thing you need is to be retraumatized in therapy by reliving the events in the wrong way. And there is a "wrong" way --

I'm hoping to get it together enough to post about this a little more. Until then, take good care of yourself. Let us know how you are doing.

 

Re: all emotional over a book--new realizations smokeymadison

Posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 19:08:44

In reply to all emotional over a book--new realizations, posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 17:25:44

I had the same reaction to that book!! Or my version of it at least. I had to read it several times before I could stay awake for more than a few pages.

I think it is one of the few books that have changed my life the most. Most books on dissociation focus on the extremes, both the extremes of abuse and the exremes of dissociative experiences. But that book I read and saw myself as as a child and as an adult. It's the book I offered to pay my therapist to read.

Martha Stout was actually offering online consultations for a while, and I was lucky enough to get one email consult before her web-page disappeared.

Don't be surprised if the reactions to this book last a while. It opened up some really intense stuff for me. Please try to get some real life support, either with a therapist or with your pdoc.

 

Re: all emotional over a book--new realizations

Posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 19:55:09

In reply to all emotional over a book--new realizations, posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 17:25:44

well, i just finished the book. i feel a little better now. i need to go to bed early, i think tonight. i am emotionally exhausted. i am going to try to find a therapist who will accept a copay and let me file the insurance and pay them when i have the rest. i see no reason to start therapy with the lady who wants everything up front when i won't be able to see her again after Monday's appointment for a good month or so. i just don't have the money right now. there are plently of other therapists in town, somebody has to work with me here until i get money coming in from the jobs i start this next week. good night all, and thanks for your support!

SM

 

((((smokeymadison)))) (nm)

Posted by Susan47 on February 11, 2005, at 1:09:50

In reply to Re: all emotional over a book--new realizations, posted by smokeymadison on February 10, 2005, at 19:55:09


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