Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 455431

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Flashback? Feeling (Long)

Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 12:45:32

I used to cut my hair last year, I couldn't stop. But recently I was able to quit, I think I did that while I was a salesgirl, it just didn't seem right to have different hair every time I showed up at work. So I paid $65 which I could ill-afford to have an Aveda-trained stylist cut my hair, razor it actually, on hair that really shouldn't be razored, it's inappropriate and looks Terrible. So I decided this morning I'd had enough, and I found scissors and started cutting, and as I made the first few cuts I had a very strong flashback of last summer, and it was more than a memory, it carried an intense, Intense I tell you, emotion.. feeling, desire, memory.. memory of being loved and wanted.

 

Re: Flashback? Feeling (Long)

Posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 20:37:14

In reply to Flashback? Feeling (Long), posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 12:45:32

Hello? Anybody out there? The reason I posted this is I'm now wondering whether my haircutting could be a form of self-comfort .. rooted in an experience of being cared for while groomed, perhaps. What, what, what? Does anybody know? Another thing I used to drive my ex-therapist mad with, my desire to analyze everything. Oh man, what a pain in the butt. Confession time, I have to confess I did this terrible thing, I'm ashamed not happy about it but what I did I phoned his machine, but I hung up before the beep!! Both times!! BUT I was doing my own talking while the machine was doing its' talking ... I've done this for months but it's the first time I give myself permission to feel it's okay I'm not hurting anybody, not even myself this time, because I know I can let go of this too.

 

I didn't quite understand Susan47

Posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 13:11:43

In reply to Flashback? Feeling (Long), posted by Susan47 on February 9, 2005, at 12:45:32

Your haircutting is a grooming thing? You look better after you cut it than before?

Or is it more a self punitive thing?

 

Re: I didn't quite understand

Posted by Susan47 on February 10, 2005, at 15:17:23

In reply to I didn't quite understand Susan47, posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 13:11:43

Well that's exactly what I'm beginning to wonder, Dinah. I used to think I was punishing myself for something, but then when I didn't do it and went Back to it, it felt somehow, for an instant, so good. I mean, it felt really really Good, internally, like a heart of something wonderful, caring, loving ...

 

Re: I didn't quite understand Susan47

Posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 16:58:53

In reply to Re: I didn't quite understand, posted by Susan47 on February 10, 2005, at 15:17:23

For some reason cutting the hair is not an uncommon urge when you want to punish yourself or hurt yourself somehow.

And obsessions and compulsions do feel really really good when you give in.

That doesn't necessarily mean they're healthy. A lot of times there's some tension or anger or something that can bear some examination.

Do you cut your hair well? Do you look good after? If you do, I envy you. The time or two I did it, it very much looked like a distressed individual took scissors to her hair.

 

Hair Colouring *poss si trigger*

Posted by littleone on February 10, 2005, at 19:49:54

In reply to Re: I didn't quite understand Susan47, posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 16:58:53

> For some reason cutting the hair is not an uncommon urge when you want to punish yourself or hurt yourself somehow.

I used to have my hair coloured on a regular basis. I have brown hair and would put a bit of a red tint in it. When I was trying to stop cutting and was in a bit of a bad place, I was due for a colour and picked out the loudest red possible. The hairdresser kind of kept trying to get me to tone it down a little, but I was pretty insistent.

Inside I knew I was punishing myself and if I couldn't cut, then this was the next best thing.

However, the hairdresser basically kind of refused to do that to my hair and ended up giving me a much more complimentary shade. Which I then hated because it wasn't harsh enough or punishing enough.

 

Re: Hair Colouring *poss si trigger*

Posted by Susan47 on February 11, 2005, at 1:17:55

In reply to Hair Colouring *poss si trigger*, posted by littleone on February 10, 2005, at 19:49:54

I don't do the haircolouring to excess but I do a little and it's not to punish myself. Dinah, about the punishing aspect of haircutting I'm just unable to know what it is that makes me cut my own hair, I know I first took the scissors to it well over a year ago to signal a change in my inner self. I know that. It was a tremendous act of rebellion. I just disappeared into the bathroom and thirty minutes later came out... different. My children were, like, "What did you do to your hair mom?". It just kept on going from there, it got shorter and shorter and displayed little variations, nothing overt, but not too subtle either when I got a bit too close to the scalp, and once I cut the skin of my knuckle very badly. Hasn't really stopped me. But this latest haircut by a professional, well, honestly I really can do better than that. I guess I'll just keep doing what feels good, and not worry about it too much. Hopefully I'll have the ability to stop if I want to one day. Thanks for your input, both of you, you were really helpful to me.


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