Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 454139

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 38. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I'm afraid to go to Therapy

Posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

I know this is not that unusual. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. But I can't get the anxiety to go down right now.

This might have to do with the fact that on Friday I decided to take a week off from therapy. I told my therapist that I was emotionally exhausted. He said fine, he could understand that. We've been working really hard. But he wanted to talk it through a little. So he asked me to tell him what my thinking was. We had a harder than usual session on Thursday and I left really upset with him, though for the life of me I can't really remember why. I just felt like he had expectations for me that I couldn't meet, or something like that. But the upset dissipated quickly, so I told him, no, I wasn't avoiding him because of that. I talked about how easily I've been coming apart, reduced to tears often and feeling out of control of my emotions. If I could step back, I could find my strength and resilience again. He said, "You mean throw those walls back up." OK, well yeah, that too. Then he asked that question we all hate, "Tell me what you are afraid of..." So I told him that there has been a shift in my journaling. When I write about the abuse memories, I have been able to do it in broad terms, but I've never been able to stand to write down the details much. A few times, here and there, but usually I just can't. Lately this has changed. I'm writing about all of it, the color of the walls, the smells, the words...and it terrifies me.

He got really quiet and then he said, "We've been waiting for this. We've been waiting for all the details and here they are. It is really important that you share them with someone and I want that someone to be me." So we talked some more and he said that the more we talk about it, the more he thinks taking a week off is a bad idea. He pointed out that avoiding this won't make it go away and if I was doing it to give him a break, he said he doesn't need one. In the end, I agreed to come in on Monday.

I've managed to avoid thinking about it until this afternoon. Now I'm petrified. I know he won't push me to talk about all this if I don't want to. But when I see him, or talk to him, the younger parts of me refuse to shut up. And it is hard for me to believe that he doesn't need a break. I've been so needy and clingy for weeks.

I have this picture of me sitting in the parking lot, letting my session minutes tick by. Sad because I'm not seeing him, but unable to force myself to go in.

I feel pathetic.

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym

Posted by fallsfall on February 6, 2005, at 22:21:55

In reply to I'm afraid to go to Therapy, posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

It is so scary to think about going and getting into all of this.

But you are *already* getting into all of this. I guess it seems to me that your choice is to be in all of this alone (like you were when you were little), or to be in all of this with someone. You know that it stinks to be in it alone...

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy

Posted by Emily Elizabeth on February 6, 2005, at 22:33:29

In reply to I'm afraid to go to Therapy, posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

First, I want to say that you are being very brave and obviously confronting some very hard things. And i think that it is good that your T has a sense of the struggle you are facing about coming in and confronting things.

I know that nothing will take away your anxiety, but I have an idea that might be helpful in taming it a little. Remind yourself that you are the person in control of what is revealed in therapy. You can go to your appointment and share just what you want to share. If you feel that you need to step back a bit, then you can. It might even help to go into your session and tell your T that you are really anxious and need to back away from the intensity. Sometimes it helps me to talk about more superficial things, like how I find my pets calming, what's going on at work, etc. You can tell your T that you just need to do this for a while.

Does that make sense? it made sense in my own head, so if it is unclear, let me know.

Best,
EE

> I know this is not that unusual. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. But I can't get the anxiety to go down right now.
>
> This might have to do with the fact that on Friday I decided to take a week off from therapy. I told my therapist that I was emotionally exhausted. He said fine, he could understand that. We've been working really hard. But he wanted to talk it through a little. So he asked me to tell him what my thinking was. We had a harder than usual session on Thursday and I left really upset with him, though for the life of me I can't really remember why. I just felt like he had expectations for me that I couldn't meet, or something like that. But the upset dissipated quickly, so I told him, no, I wasn't avoiding him because of that. I talked about how easily I've been coming apart, reduced to tears often and feeling out of control of my emotions. If I could step back, I could find my strength and resilience again. He said, "You mean throw those walls back up." OK, well yeah, that too. Then he asked that question we all hate, "Tell me what you are afraid of..." So I told him that there has been a shift in my journaling. When I write about the abuse memories, I have been able to do it in broad terms, but I've never been able to stand to write down the details much. A few times, here and there, but usually I just can't. Lately this has changed. I'm writing about all of it, the color of the walls, the smells, the words...and it terrifies me.
>
> He got really quiet and then he said, "We've been waiting for this. We've been waiting for all the details and here they are. It is really important that you share them with someone and I want that someone to be me." So we talked some more and he said that the more we talk about it, the more he thinks taking a week off is a bad idea. He pointed out that avoiding this won't make it go away and if I was doing it to give him a break, he said he doesn't need one. In the end, I agreed to come in on Monday.
>
> I've managed to avoid thinking about it until this afternoon. Now I'm petrified. I know he won't push me to talk about all this if I don't want to. But when I see him, or talk to him, the younger parts of me refuse to shut up. And it is hard for me to believe that he doesn't need a break. I've been so needy and clingy for weeks.
>
> I have this picture of me sitting in the parking lot, letting my session minutes tick by. Sad because I'm not seeing him, but unable to force myself to go in.
>
> I feel pathetic.

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym

Posted by alexandra_k on February 6, 2005, at 23:15:03

In reply to I'm afraid to go to Therapy, posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

It does sound like you are making progress. I can see why your t doesn't want to be shut out now.

The mind has the ability to push things away when they are too much. That stuff is coming up now means that you have made progress and you are getting stronger.

I understand this must be so very hard for you at the moment.

Hang in there.

Hugs (if wanted)

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy

Posted by Annierose on February 7, 2005, at 6:52:59

In reply to Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym, posted by alexandra_k on February 6, 2005, at 23:15:03

I hope you found the courage needed to go to therapy today. When he said that "this is what we've been waiting for," it leads me to believe that this is a breakthrough, and talking about it may ultimatley bring you relief. However, as we all know, relief isn't always immediate and afterwards we are alone with our thoughts and feelings and that is difficult. But your T sounds like he would check in with you later in the day too. Good Luck. I hope you went. ANd let us know how you are doing.

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym

Posted by bent on February 7, 2005, at 8:31:53

In reply to I'm afraid to go to Therapy, posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

I think I can relate to what you are feeling. When things got very intense in my therapy I felt like I needed a break but my T didnt like the idea. She didnt want me to have time to 'pack up' what I was revealing, even though it was so scary. Instead of actually skipping a session we would have a 'light session.' We wouldnt talk about issues of abuse or anything hard. I like talking about my pets or something that's more on the surface during these sessions. Would your T be up for that? Honestly I think that an actual break from therapy cant be all bad, but when your are in the middle of something tough I think a lighter session may be more helpful than no session at all.

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy

Posted by gardenergirl on February 7, 2005, at 10:12:42

In reply to Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym, posted by bent on February 7, 2005, at 8:31:53

Daisy,
That sounds so scary and difficult. I'm glad you are making progress, but I wish you didn't have to go through this at all. Can you trust your T to know and to guide this process? And he does take care of himself. He did take a vacation this year, if I remember correctly. I don't think he would let either of you go so far that you could not go on with everyday stuff.

But I can only imagine how hard this must be. You are not alone, Daisy. We're with you in spirt, too. And we will not get tired of you. I know your T will not, either.

((((Daisy))))

Take extra special care of our Daisy. We love her.

gg

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym

Posted by mair on February 7, 2005, at 10:53:32

In reply to I'm afraid to go to Therapy, posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

Daisy - my T tells me that the pace of therapy is very important and something that she needs to evaluate all the time. Part of that is knowing, I guess, when to push and when not to. We've worked out a deal that I can refuse to talk about something that comes up and she'll back off if I make it clear enough to her. Generally we'll talk around it and "it" eventually comes out. If it's important enough and I really can't deal with it in a particular session, then it sort of weighs on me until I am ready to discuss it, or until I have to.

I know this is tough, and that you place a lot of trust in your T's skill and judgment. FWIW you have always struck me as a person of particular strength. I know you can do this even if you decide that you really can't attack it right now.

Mair

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy

Posted by rubenstein on February 7, 2005, at 12:36:45

In reply to I'm afraid to go to Therapy, posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

>My thoughts are with you, I am also nervous about going to therapy this week....I hope things go okay
rubenstein

I know this is not that unusual. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. But I can't get the anxiety to go down right now.
>
> This might have to do with the fact that on Friday I decided to take a week off from therapy. I told my therapist that I was emotionally exhausted. He said fine, he could understand that. We've been working really hard. But he wanted to talk it through a little. So he asked me to tell him what my thinking was. We had a harder than usual session on Thursday and I left really upset with him, though for the life of me I can't really remember why. I just felt like he had expectations for me that I couldn't meet, or something like that. But the upset dissipated quickly, so I told him, no, I wasn't avoiding him because of that. I talked about how easily I've been coming apart, reduced to tears often and feeling out of control of my emotions. If I could step back, I could find my strength and resilience again. He said, "You mean throw those walls back up." OK, well yeah, that too. Then he asked that question we all hate, "Tell me what you are afraid of..." So I told him that there has been a shift in my journaling. When I write about the abuse memories, I have been able to do it in broad terms, but I've never been able to stand to write down the details much. A few times, here and there, but usually I just can't. Lately this has changed. I'm writing about all of it, the color of the walls, the smells, the words...and it terrifies me.
>
> He got really quiet and then he said, "We've been waiting for this. We've been waiting for all the details and here they are. It is really important that you share them with someone and I want that someone to be me." So we talked some more and he said that the more we talk about it, the more he thinks taking a week off is a bad idea. He pointed out that avoiding this won't make it go away and if I was doing it to give him a break, he said he doesn't need one. In the end, I agreed to come in on Monday.
>
> I've managed to avoid thinking about it until this afternoon. Now I'm petrified. I know he won't push me to talk about all this if I don't want to. But when I see him, or talk to him, the younger parts of me refuse to shut up. And it is hard for me to believe that he doesn't need a break. I've been so needy and clingy for weeks.
>
> I have this picture of me sitting in the parking lot, letting my session minutes tick by. Sad because I'm not seeing him, but unable to force myself to go in.
>
> I feel pathetic.

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym

Posted by Shortelise on February 7, 2005, at 12:46:28

In reply to I'm afraid to go to Therapy, posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

How did it go today?

Daisy, you are in control now.

ShortE

 

Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym

Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:05:43

In reply to I'm afraid to go to Therapy, posted by daisym on February 6, 2005, at 21:46:34

If you need to back off a bit from the intensity of it, that seems understandable. Today over a far less emotional topic, my therapist gave me the choice of whether to talk about something or not. Sometimes the emotional temperature gets too high, and it helps to sit back a bit from the flames.

But I trust you and your therapist to know what is and isn't right for you at this time.

 

The worst way to Avoid Therapy

Posted by Daisym on February 7, 2005, at 19:41:07

In reply to Re: I'm afraid to go to Therapy daisym, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 14:05:43

Thanks for all the support you guys. I'm going to need some more, I'm afraid.

I didn't get to therapy today. My husband had a mild heart attack and is currently in the hospital until they can figure out what to do next. He's complicated, due to his other illness. I have two kids calm and one freaked out. I walked out of a training (I'm the trainer) to take the call and never went back. It's Monday, it's billing week and all the business finances need review and decisions. God has a wicked sense of humor.

I'm sure it will all be OK, just tough right now. I don't fall apart until after a crisis. Get ready to catch me!

Daisy

 

((((((Daisy))))) Daisym

Posted by messadivoce on February 7, 2005, at 19:53:43

In reply to The worst way to Avoid Therapy, posted by Daisym on February 7, 2005, at 19:41:07

Oh Daisy, I'm so sorry!! Is there someone at work who can pick up some slack while you deal with things?? Will calling your T and hearing his voice help you?

How old are your kids? I know you will get through this. Please let us know how you are later. Many hugs to you, and my best thoughts.

 

Re: The worst way to Avoid Therapy Daisym

Posted by alexandra_k on February 7, 2005, at 19:54:15

In reply to The worst way to Avoid Therapy, posted by Daisym on February 7, 2005, at 19:41:07

(((Daisy)))

Aw, what a crappy thing to have happened.
:-(

 

Oh Daisy

Posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 19:57:44

In reply to The worst way to Avoid Therapy, posted by Daisym on February 7, 2005, at 19:41:07

I understand. I fall apart afterwards too. I suppose that's not the worst way to do it.

I'll be here, arms at the ready.

(((( Daisy ))))

 

((((( Daisy )))))

Posted by Speaker on February 7, 2005, at 21:29:18

In reply to Oh Daisy, posted by Dinah on February 7, 2005, at 19:57:44

Daisy,

It's like an ER nurse...you take care of everything and everyone and when the crisis is over and everyone else has moved on...it catches up to us. I find it a great attribute but very hard as when it finally hits me everyone else has moved on and I feel alone in all of it. Remember, we are here ready when you need us!

Hugs and Prayers,
Marie

 

Re: ((((( Daisy )))))

Posted by mair on February 7, 2005, at 22:08:06

In reply to ((((( Daisy ))))), posted by Speaker on February 7, 2005, at 21:29:18

I hope your staff can rise to the occasion.

I know your husband's medical conditions are complicated. If he's like my husband, he's also not the least bit stoic about it, so you really have to hold it together for him too.

We'll always be here to help.

Mair

 

Re: ((((( Daisy )))))

Posted by fallsfall on February 7, 2005, at 22:18:07

In reply to Re: ((((( Daisy ))))), posted by mair on February 7, 2005, at 22:08:06

3====(*)====E

(Those are my arms reaching out to catch you)

Work will survive. Take care of your family. And we'll take care of you.


 

Re: Sending you hugs and good thoughts (nm)

Posted by Annierose on February 7, 2005, at 22:30:36

In reply to ((((((Daisy))))) Daisym, posted by messadivoce on February 7, 2005, at 19:53:43

 

Re: ((((( Daisy )))))

Posted by gardenergirl on February 7, 2005, at 22:42:57

In reply to Re: ((((( Daisy ))))), posted by fallsfall on February 7, 2005, at 22:18:07

Oh golly, of all the times. I'm sorry that happened. You and your family are in my prayers.

And I'm here, too. Just let me know what you need.

(((Daisy)))

gg

 

((((((((daisy)))))))) (nm)

Posted by Shortelise on February 8, 2005, at 0:19:24

In reply to The worst way to Avoid Therapy, posted by Daisym on February 7, 2005, at 19:41:07

 

Re: ((((( Daisy )))))

Posted by 10derHeart on February 8, 2005, at 0:21:05

In reply to Re: ((((( Daisy ))))), posted by gardenergirl on February 7, 2005, at 22:42:57


As my fomer T. said to me once (had 4 minor/major disasters in 4 days), "I'm so sorry all this is happening, but I like your composure. You can do this."

I like your composure, Daisy. You can do this.

Praying for you and all your family.

Babblers are at the ready to catch you, for sure.
-- 10derHeart

 

Re: ((((( Daisy ))))) (nm)

Posted by mair on February 8, 2005, at 14:03:41

In reply to ((((( Daisy ))))), posted by Speaker on February 7, 2005, at 21:29:18

 

Re: ((((( Daisy ))))) (nm)

Posted by Susan47 on February 8, 2005, at 14:07:02

In reply to Re: ((((( Daisy ))))) (nm), posted by mair on February 8, 2005, at 14:03:41

 

Oh Daisy

Posted by littleone on February 8, 2005, at 15:06:55

In reply to The worst way to Avoid Therapy, posted by Daisym on February 7, 2005, at 19:41:07

So sorry this has happened. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending warm thoughts your way.


Go forward in thread:


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.