Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 443585

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I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not

Posted by Susan47 on January 18, 2005, at 0:25:48

I'm being pushed into therapy, again.
Today I was in a counsellor's office, we were talking about my children, and suddenly I couldn't understand what she was saying, and all I could think about was the vision in my mind of my father grabbing my three year-old arm with one hand, the wooden spoon was in his other, and the feeling of complete terror.
This woman and I, we just clicked. And after a conversation with her, I realized how much she cares about what she does, how good she is with what she does, and how STUCK I was in my relationship with my ex-T. I also begin to understand what good therapy might look like. AND how EMDR is going to be useful for me. Very, very useful, I hope. I also realize now that I can get therapy WITHOUT having a special relationship with the therapist, as long as it's a useful one. It's the Useful bit, that's Important.

 

Re: I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not

Posted by saw on January 18, 2005, at 0:36:52

In reply to I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not, posted by Susan47 on January 18, 2005, at 0:25:48

This sounds postive Susan. I am sure you will benefit greatly from therapy and the right therapist.

Did your father really do that to your son? That would terrify me too.

Sabrina

 

*Might Trigger?* No, saw

Posted by Susan47 on January 18, 2005, at 0:47:24

In reply to Re: I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not, posted by saw on January 18, 2005, at 0:36:52

...not my son, he did it to me. I remember once but I don't know anything else, other than the memory of terror is familiar, and the time that I do remember, I remember the terror was already an old friend at that point. I think I was very young, maybe three or four, maybe even older, but younger than six, because at six everything changed, I started Kindergarten. I remember the sudden feeling of constraint from my parents, then. I suppose that makes sense, suddenly a child is in school and everything's under closer scrutiny, isn't it.

 

Re: I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not Susan47

Posted by partlycloudy on January 18, 2005, at 9:58:03

In reply to I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not, posted by Susan47 on January 18, 2005, at 0:25:48

Susan, EMDR made an enormous difference to me in being able to put the past where it belongs: a part of who I am, but not something I have to dwell on or that interferes with my life today. I can only say that it really helped me Get Over It. I have only great things to say about how this process worked for me. I also "knew" when I was ready for EMDR.
I'd be glad to help if you have any questions about the process.

 

Re: I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not partlycloudy

Posted by Susan47 on January 18, 2005, at 22:16:26

In reply to Re: I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not Susan47, posted by partlycloudy on January 18, 2005, at 9:58:03

Yes, well I'm in the process of making an appt. with this female (Wahoo, everybody!) therapist....but finance is a prob. so we'll see if I can even get in... maybe she knows someone or some way I can pay a step behind reimbursement or whatever...you know I have extended health coverage but have been so out of it for so long I don't even know how my benefits work...this's never happened to me before.

 

I hope it works out and that it is helpful! (nm) Susan47

Posted by gardenergirl on January 18, 2005, at 23:58:09

In reply to Re: I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not partlycloudy, posted by Susan47 on January 18, 2005, at 22:16:26

 

Re: I Think I'm Ready --- COOL!! :-) Susan47

Posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 1:09:34

In reply to I Think I'm Ready, Like It Or Not, posted by Susan47 on January 18, 2005, at 0:25:48

>I also realize now that I can get therapy WITHOUT having a special relationship with the therapist, as long as it's a useful one. It's the Useful bit, that's Important.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm... yEaHHH...

So, I went to therapy today and we discussed the whole tranference / counter-transference thing, the "special relationship" perception and related subject matter. I've never had an experience of these with therapy. She reminded me that I'm weird (that's ok, guys, for me and mine), which we have discussed numerous times before regarding various subjects, in that I am not reverant of any people. She, and my psychiatrist, know that they are simply people to me. They are practicing their professions (well) and I am participating in the client capacity in those sessions.

Her reminder was of the fact that I'm weird because most clients do revere, look up to, place significance on, et cetera, their mental health providers, and i don't. It is a basic facet of my character which, both of them concur, is fine, just atypical. Good thing they concur it's fine, because it's their problem if they don't.

For me, therapy, as with most aspects of my life is something I am choosing to do. As a child I was taught, quite emphatically, to stand on my own two feet, learn to take care of myself, and on and on, but I was punished for behaving as an individual who had thoughts and wanted to discuss them. (be seen and not heard)

And I learned from experience with my family and their circle of friends that for me to truly trust them (or anyone) was impossible. They always violated my trust, I was an inconsequential, undesirable nuisance for them, simply by my existence.

So, being taught to be an independent individual and learning that trust was NOT something I should/could do, I grew to be the way I am... we are all equal, as in I am no more special or important than anyone else and noone is more important or special than me.
(i stink, therefore i am) lafin @ me

Now, where was I?

She's a person with a reason for you to be there seeking her professional skills, it's her job, and I'll be danged if I don't believe she should be useful at it.

And you are the person with the reason to be seeking her professional skills, and I'll be danged if I don't believe it's foolish to waste time (or money) on someone who is not useful at it, for you.

Oh, yeah, so, YEAH, your therapist should be useful, most definitely!!!

Congrats!!!
(((Susan)))
never let 'em get over on ya.

if I made enough sense here, I'll be danged

;))

just plain ramblin toward the point jane

 

well, you're danged then. just plain jane

Posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 10:13:01

In reply to Re: I Think I'm Ready --- COOL!! :-) Susan47, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 1:09:34

Baby, because you made a lot of sense.
If I hadn't looked up to CW, he would never have become an issue for me. Let me say it here though, that he wants and needs to be looked up to and that's an issue for him, whether he's aware of it or not. He also needs to be loved. I know full well that his needs were a part of my therapy, and I also know they shouldn't have been, but there it is, he's human, so I have to forgive him.

 

JPJ::: Read this please

Posted by Susan47 on January 22, 2005, at 10:15:55

In reply to Re: I Think I'm Ready --- COOL!! :-) Susan47, posted by just plain jane on January 22, 2005, at 1:09:34

My new counsellor is acting out a wee bit with me ... he's trying to get my approval and it's kind of sweet but a tich discombobulating, actually it's great for my self-esteem but don't you think that's a bit of a disadvantage if he's counselling me? What's your advice to that?


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