Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 442463

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Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by Skittles on January 15, 2005, at 15:19:10

In reply to Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Poet on January 15, 2005, at 14:48:56

Apparently mine doesn't think one should sit in any room that isn't brightly lit (and I hate her office because it is). Anyway, one day last week one of the overhead fluorescent lights in her waiting was burnt out (but 3 others were still going strong). When she opened the door to call be back to her office she said she was sorry I had to sit there in the dark (it wasn't dark at all). I told her there was no reason to apologize, that I actually liked it better. As we took our seats she said, "I guess this is where I repeat, I'm sorry you had to sit there in the dark."

What the heck? I know it's stupid, but it's still eating at me. Why on earth should I be made to feel bad because I dislike harsh lighting??? lol What I wanted to tell her was that her office is very unwelcoming because of those fluorescent lights and that she'd do well to make it more warm and cozy by using lamps. Honestly, I do feel really exposed by all that bright light.

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by Susan47 on January 15, 2005, at 15:19:37

In reply to Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Poet on January 15, 2005, at 14:48:56

Hmm, I just wondering if maybe the "dirty look" was more one of concern for you, maybe? D'you think maybe that's possible? Although I know it's easier for us to go, oh sheesh s/he's disgusted with me.

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet

Posted by Skittles on January 15, 2005, at 15:55:57

In reply to Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Poet on January 15, 2005, at 14:48:56

Wasn't this a joke? Couldn't your T have just chuckled with you? Seems to me that sometimes we should be able to have a tiny moment of fun with our T's without having every little thing analyzed.

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet

Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2005, at 21:48:43

In reply to Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Poet on January 15, 2005, at 14:48:56

Apparently "I'd like to fly you to San Francisco so that Daisy's therapist can teach you to be a better one" is one of those things. :)

But I was a bit annoyed with him at the time, so I didn't worry about it.

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by lifeworthliving on January 15, 2005, at 22:35:04

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Skittles on January 15, 2005, at 15:19:10

i always turn off the lights in t's office. if i forget and laydown first i ask her to get up and do it. she has a basement office so the windows are like mail slots... it's cozy.

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet

Posted by Shortelise on January 15, 2005, at 23:59:08

In reply to Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Poet on January 15, 2005, at 14:48:56

Poet, I am absolutely certain that there must be some sort of especially painful punishment for shrinks who laugh at our self-denigrating jokes. Perhaps a bolt of lightning? Or maybe some kind of auto-destruct mechanism? Don't ask me, but I do know that mine T would not ever, ever laugh at such a joke.

Was it Shakespeare -- what was is exactly that he said about "things said in jest"?

ShortE

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 13:41:03

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet, posted by Shortelise on January 15, 2005, at 23:59:08

"I can't tell you that"

"You have no idea what this is like!"

"I don't want to talk to you"

I've said all of these things in recent weeks, the last one was a phone message I left on Friday. Of course, all these statements end up being an invitation to talk about whatever I'm avoiding. I need to learn to keep silent at the front end if I really don't want to talk about something. Da*n that honesty promise!

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist daisym

Posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 14:38:09

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 13:41:03

Add to it "I didn't want to come today."

I started to preface a statement to my T recently with "you have absolutely no idea," and I caught myself because it sounded critical or judgmental. I was going to tell her how worthless I felt, and then it occurred to me that since we had spent an abundant amount of time talking about how worthless I felt, it wasn't a fair way to couch my statement. The "you have no idea" was more for emphasis than it was a statement of what I believed.

Mair

 

Oh Daisy, I think I needed to have your Therapist

Posted by Susan47 on January 16, 2005, at 19:22:20

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist daisym, posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 14:38:09

Is it a male or female?

 

Re: Oh Daisy, I think I needed to have your Therapist Susan47

Posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 22:40:01

In reply to Oh Daisy, I think I needed to have your Therapist, posted by Susan47 on January 16, 2005, at 19:22:20

He is male...

Can I ask why? I'm getting worried about this. I've been trying to think of something to post that would offer a balanced picture of my therapist. I want to point out that he works me to death...he doesn't let me slide (at least almost never) when I want to avoid subjects and he is forever talking about "us" and "our relationship" and the "space between us." Sometimes those are the hardest topics! Let's see, he shares an answering machine, which was hard to get use to, he doesn't wear a pager and he says, "right on!"

I'll keep thinking...

 

Re: Oh Daisy, I think I needed to have your Therapist

Posted by Susan47 on January 16, 2005, at 23:23:39

In reply to Re: Oh Daisy, I think I needed to have your Therapist Susan47, posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 22:40:01

I still want him, even after all you've said and your concerns and all. Remember, you have an honest relationship with this guy AND HE ISN'T AFRAID TO SHOW HE CARES!!!!
That's all that matters to me.
Everything else, don't worry about, you can still post if you're disappointed in him in future... I won't be let down. The important part, he already did.

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Susan47

Posted by Poet on January 16, 2005, at 23:49:57

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Susan47 on January 15, 2005, at 15:19:37

Hi Susan,

Everytime my therapist says she cares about me I argue with her and give her reasons not to, so her dirty look was probably a combination of concern and frustration.

I just took it that she hates me, but I expect everyone to hate me. You are so right that some of us (me, me, me) expect therapists to be disgusted with us (me, me, me.)

I mean how can she not be disgusted with somebody who has sat there for over two years and still won't open up? The money is not her motivation, believe me.

Poet

 

Re: Oh Daisy, I think I needed to have your Therapist Susan47

Posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 23:53:41

In reply to Re: Oh Daisy, I think I needed to have your Therapist, posted by Susan47 on January 16, 2005, at 23:23:39

Ok, you've got me there. He does care. And he shows it all the time. I'm bursting with good stuff but afraid to post it...the harder it is for me the more I am aware that I'm lucky to have found him. It is a good fit.

However, I'm sorry to say that he has made it clear that he won't take anyone connected to me. Remember the thread about my space being invaded and the silly tantrum I was having because my friend's child was seeing one of his partners? It got worse, their whole family was referred to my therapist's wife for family therapy. I tried hard to not let it bother me, but ultimately I had a melt down about it, and this was BEFORE they even followed up on the referral. He took it out of my hands, said he was going to ask his wife to tell them she was full and give them other referrals. I said I felt horrible about that, like a brat. He said it wasn't my decision, it was how he runs his practice. That I need to feel completely safe to do the work we are doing and I won't if this situation persists. I was so relieved and yet I felt so stupid. I'm glad he could see how important this was to me.

So I guess the truth is I don't want to share and he won't make me. :) Sorry...

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by Poet on January 16, 2005, at 23:54:38

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet, posted by Skittles on January 15, 2005, at 15:55:57

Hi Skittles,

I am very sarcastic and so is my therapist, usually she'd laugh when I said something like liposuction would make me feel better.

This time she didn't. It might be because she's been trying to get me to talk about trust, talk to her about what I really need to. Maybe she had a bad day. Or she's finally so frustrated with me that she let her anger come out.

All I know is don't use body image for positive self esteem. I'll spare you the lecture.

Poet

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by Poet on January 16, 2005, at 23:56:12

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet, posted by Dinah on January 15, 2005, at 21:48:43

Hi Dinah,

I couldn't afford the airfare for my T. She'd have to take the train. Or the bus. Or hitch a ride. (LOL)

Poet

 

How Absolutely Lovely for You, Daisy :) (nm)

Posted by Susan47 on January 16, 2005, at 23:58:36

In reply to Re: Oh Daisy, I think I needed to have your Therapist Susan47, posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 23:53:41

 

First above for Skittles, Second for Dinah (nm)

Posted by Poet on January 16, 2005, at 23:58:58

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Poet on January 16, 2005, at 23:54:38

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet

Posted by Susan47 on January 17, 2005, at 0:00:56

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Susan47, posted by Poet on January 16, 2005, at 23:49:57

You know, I've just been thinking, what if you agreed with her next time and said something like, "I care about you, too"?
How would that feel for you, could you try that for size? It might be mind-blowing for you. Mind-blowing is always nice.

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by Poet on January 17, 2005, at 0:02:33

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet, posted by Shortelise on January 15, 2005, at 23:59:08

Hi ShortE,

Usually mine does laugh at my sarcastic comments. This time she really seemed ticked off, so maybe the frustration of me being a rotten therapy client finally got to her?

I can see if that's the situation, as I don't open up, but I really didn't need the lecture. Even if it was the condensed version.

Poet

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Susan47

Posted by Poet on January 17, 2005, at 0:08:41

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Poet, posted by Susan47 on January 17, 2005, at 0:00:56

If I said I cared about her, it wouldn't just blow my mind it would cause it to motivate my body to run out of the room. I can't see myself doing that. I don't know what would happen, because I'm too afraid to say it.

Something to think about, but do, I don't know if I can.

Poet

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Skittles

Posted by B2Chica on January 17, 2005, at 16:32:43

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by Skittles on January 15, 2005, at 15:19:10

i AGREE skittles. my first T's office had huge windows and it was always shining right in and So bright. i felt exposed enough talking, the light made it worse, one day i noticed he had blinds closed and as i walked in he was opening them-i even told him he should leave them closed, i liked it darker but he smiled and finished opening them...dang it.
b2c.

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist B2Chica

Posted by mair on January 18, 2005, at 7:57:02

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Skittles, posted by B2Chica on January 17, 2005, at 16:32:43

I trust the light wasn't shining in your eyes. That would be truly cruel.

Mair

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by pretty_paints on January 21, 2005, at 6:42:30

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist Skittles, posted by B2Chica on January 17, 2005, at 16:32:43

Hi, I don't post on this board much but thought I'd give it a go!

A couple of weeks ago I was in therapy talking about an old boyfriend from YEARS ago when I was 16 who I absolutely cannot get over.

I was rambling on and then said "Oh my god I know it sounds desperate but I'd do ANYTHING to sleep with him"...

My therapist replied "Mmm yes that does sound desperate!"

WHAT?!

My T is a real femminist I think. Maybe she's even a lesbian. I can just imagine her doing loads of "I hate men" chants and dancing around. She's into Bridget Jones style books like "Learn To Love Yourself", "You Too Can Live Without A Man". She has wild black hair and wears head scarves. And her clothes are quite often hippy. She totally loves it when I act independent and strong and announce that I don't need this guy from my past. And then when I break down and tell her the truth, that I'm totally in love with him and want him to love me and take care of me, ah no no no. That is NOT what she likes to hear!

He he.

And of COURSE I got that same self esteem lecture!

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist

Posted by pretty_paints on January 21, 2005, at 6:46:43

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by pretty_paints on January 21, 2005, at 6:42:30

Oh and another thing.

When I was really ill a psychiatric nurse said to me that maybe it was a good idea to take some time off from therapy. "You can't keep always looking in the past, you have to move forward at some point" she said. Of course I think this is rubbish, most of my problems ARE biological, but still I have issues, and therapy is not about *not wanting to move forward*, in most cases it is absolutely about moving forward!

Anyway, I told my therapist anyway about what this nurse said, and of course she jumped up onto her high horse and started going on defending the whole community of therapists worldwide. Hmm

 

Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist pretty_paints

Posted by gardenergirl on January 21, 2005, at 21:06:07

In reply to Re: Things NOT to say to your therapist, posted by pretty_paints on January 21, 2005, at 6:46:43

Sounds like she was a bit touchy on that issue?
:)

gg


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