Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 439682

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Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? LG04

Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2005, at 5:22:39

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by LG04 on January 11, 2005, at 23:28:11

Chuckle. Well, in your case I can provide an answer about myself if no one else. :)

The topic of losing your therapist is such a button pusher to me that I have to be in a really really stable mood to tackle it in more than a general commiserating short reply. And I usually think my comments would be more unhelpful than helpful.

That's usually the reason for my responses or lack thereof. I've got a big mouth and find the topic of therapy fascinating. So if I don't reply it's usually because a) I'm in a bad place (in which case I usually catch up eventually and reply late) b) By the time I get there, others have replied comprehensively and I don't feel I could add anything c) It's not a topic that I can really relate to or d) It's a topic that I can relate to a bit too well.

:)

I can't think of a single PB Psychology poster that I choose not to reply to based on who they are. No, not a single one. I can, however, think of a few that no matter how bad I'm feeling, I try to read because they've been such a steady and constant source of support in my life.

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? LG04

Posted by mair on January 12, 2005, at 7:01:13

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by LG04 on January 11, 2005, at 23:28:11

I don't think it's childish at all and probably more typical than you might think. I sometimes think that the best way for a thread to end is for me to post on it.

And I don't think that those of us who have insecurities about fitting in, park those at the door when we come to this site.

Mair

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? LG04

Posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 8:01:11

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by LG04 on January 11, 2005, at 23:28:11

> My buttons get pushed when I start a thread and only get a few answers. It makes me feel sort of rejected or something like that, or like others belong here and i don't. Or "unpopular," i.e. no one likes me *sniffle sniffle.

Me too, even though intellectually I know it's not true.

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?

Posted by LG04 on January 12, 2005, at 22:48:51

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? LG04, posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 8:01:11

everyone's responses were very sweet and reassuring. i'm glad i posted what i did. thank you.

 

Re: Did that actually happen? judy1

Posted by Joslynn on January 16, 2005, at 17:21:36

In reply to Did that actually happen? Joslynn, posted by judy1 on January 11, 2005, at 17:56:11

Yes there have been cases on this board and I believe social about Ts getting sexually involved with clients. And I do remember some congratulatory posts. However, I realize now that it probably isn't fair or helpful for me to bring this up now, after the fact, about posts I don't really remember well.

In my own past sitch I felt like some boundaries were crossed by a professional--some compliments and inappropriate self-disclosure--so I am probably projecting my anger at him onto the other Ts here who made much worse errors. Of course what I should do is focus on my OWN sitch and feelings.

I still think that it's wrong for Ts to have sex with clients, but I think I should stay out of this in the future and focus on myself.

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?

Posted by gardenergirl on January 16, 2005, at 21:10:43

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by LG04 on January 12, 2005, at 22:48:51

I don't like it when it starts to feel like Jr. High or High school. Did that once. Don't want to go there again.

gg

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? gardenergirl

Posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 9:41:40

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by gardenergirl on January 16, 2005, at 21:10:43

GG - are you sort of thinking of the occasional admin board disputes, or did you have something else in mind?

Mair

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? mair

Posted by TofuEmmy on January 17, 2005, at 10:25:51

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? gardenergirl, posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 9:41:40

I'm SURE she's talking about me. See, I passed this note to AllDone about meeting me after school, and Dr. Bob caught me! And now he knows I have this HUGE crush on KK, and I'm afraid he's gunna tell like EVERYONE!! Egads!!!

I'm WAY embarrassed....

Emmy

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?

Posted by Dinah on January 17, 2005, at 10:36:23

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? mair, posted by TofuEmmy on January 17, 2005, at 10:25:51

:-)

Gollly, I miss those days. And I wasn't even popular!

 

P.S. compliments

Posted by Joslynn on January 17, 2005, at 10:50:01

In reply to Re: Did that actually happen? judy1, posted by Joslynn on January 16, 2005, at 17:21:36

By the way, I don't think that a compliment is a boundary crossing, but if it's from a T or pdoc man to a woman client about her being pretty, nice eye color, etc., and repeated a lot, combined with self-disclosure about problems from that professional's own personal life, it can feel somewhat romantic to the younger single woman. This creates an illusion and intrigue, for me anyway, which can end up being quite painful.

(I don't think that a compliment like, you are a very strong/smart/funny etc person is wrong, just the types of compliments above combined with other things.)

I do like a compliment!

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? mair

Posted by gardenergirl on January 17, 2005, at 10:58:03

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? gardenergirl, posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 9:41:40

Mair,
I'm not sure I'm thinking of anything in particular, although the admin board disputes can be annoying. I guess I'm thinking of things that affect me personally that remind me of high school dynamics, but I don't really have a good example to share.

gg

Although ha ha on tofuemmy for getting busted! ;)

 

High School Dynamics

Posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 11:21:15

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? mair, posted by gardenergirl on January 17, 2005, at 10:58:03

I have a soon-to-be 17 year old daughter, so I'm not sure I can distinguish between high school dynamics and normal life since I'm exposed to those high school dynamics on a daily basis.

What I have noticed is that PB can generate for me a lot of the same sorts of feelings I recall from middle and high school - feeling invisible or not a part of a group, or wanting someone else's approval too much, or perceiving a slight where none was intended. I'm pretty sure these arise totally independently of anything anyone else is posting here so I think of them as my issues and not the result of high school type dynamics. And really those feelings probably pre-date those wonderful middle school years anyway.

Mair

 

Re: High School Dynamics mair

Posted by gardenergirl on January 17, 2005, at 13:46:02

In reply to High School Dynamics, posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 11:21:15

That's a good description of what I meant. And yeah, it's definitely my own issue, but sometimes Babbler behavior triggers it. So I guess for the most part, it's not something that will change, but I can change my reaction to it. Or at least recognize what I'm feeling and where it might be coming from.

gg

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? gardenergirl

Posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 14:52:58

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by gardenergirl on January 16, 2005, at 21:10:43

> I don't like it when it starts to feel like Jr. High or High school. Did that once. Don't want to go there again.


Yeah that's mine too I think, passive agressive comments, and barely hidden shots at other posters between posters. I'm also with Joslynn in that I hate info mercial type spiels that pop up every now and again on how "my cure" is good for everyone, it's so presumtuous, I mean how do they even know I want to BE like them-- maybe I don't even think they're better.. : )

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?

Posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 14:54:36

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? gardenergirl, posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 14:52:58

Although I have to say, I think sometimes the strictness of the civilty rules sometimes encourages passive agressiveness.

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Gabbix2

Posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 15:08:16

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 14:54:36

>" Although I have to say, I think sometimes the strictness of the civilty rules sometimes encourages passive agressiveness."


That's a really interesting observation, because I've noticed that some people are just way more adept at making remarks that have a way of putting someone else down than are others. Lots of times, the ones I'm thinking of are directed to the person who might be most offended.
Since Bob tends to take things so literally, there's nothing he can do about certain types of remarks which are not objectionable on face, but which may be intended to insult when taken in a certain context.

And as much as I bristle when I see this kind of post, it may not be up to me to question the intent to begin with. It's possible I'm reading way more into a post than I should be.

Mair

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 15:58:28

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? gardenergirl, posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 14:52:58

I don't like when people make comments directly about me and or my posts and then act like it was just a group or others they were referring to when we know who and what thread they were referring to, as mine was the only one in many months...Like you said Gabbix.."passive-aggressive and barely hidden". It seems to me one could say I do not like to read about T boundary crossings and leave it at that....I do not presonally like a lot of the subject matters in here but as they MATTER to the poster I refrain from comment and judgement..But thats just me

> > I don't like it when it starts to feel like Jr. High or High school. Did that once. Don't want to go there again.
>
>
> Yeah that's mine too I think, passive agressive comments, and barely hidden shots at other posters between posters. I'm also with Joslynn in that I hate info mercial type spiels that pop up every now and again on how "my cure" is good for everyone, it's so presumtuous, I mean how do they even know I want to BE like them-- maybe I don't even think they're better.. : )

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Fallen4MyT

Posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 16:36:42

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 15:58:28

> I don't like when people make comments directly about me and or my posts and then act like it was just a group or others they were referring to when we know who and what thread they were referring to, as mine was the only one in many months...Like you said Gabbix.."passive-aggressive and barely hidden".

Yeah, ugggh, my mom used to do that and it drove me nuts, she'd always say, well you know "some people" live like this, or do this, and she'd criticize it, and it was obvious she was talking about me, but she wouldn't ever be direct about it. I really find directness is so much more respectful, and although I think it appears harsher to some, it's really liable to cause fewer hurt feelings.
If someone says to me "Gabbi I disagree with what you did or said and this is why.." I really appreciate it, either I'll agree to disagree, or I'll have a new way of looking at something, and I love that.

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? mair

Posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 16:38:00

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Gabbix2, posted by mair on January 17, 2005, at 15:08:16

it may not be up to me to question the intent to begin with. It's possible I'm reading way more into a post than I should be.
>
Hmmm, you're right there, darn, now I have more to think about. : (

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Gabbix2

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 16:51:25

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Fallen4MyT, posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 16:36:42

I agree with you wholeheartedly, it's also not as if I do not know who said postive things on it all...But with some having ONCE said they do not approve I see no point in going on and on and telling me and every corner directly and indirectly and using my posts as examples . I hear you on your mom. It makes me feel very put down and silences me for what I would like to talk about yet I listen to them. One need not approve to allow others to speak. I am sure once your mom told you you knew and maybe didnt ever agree but knew what she meant...I had a discussion on this like a year ago. Directly now I seem to get the indirect. It's not like we are stupid Gabbix....

I don't like when people make comments directly about me and or my posts and then act like it was just a group or others they were referring to when we know who and what thread they were referring to, as mine was the only one in many months...Like you said Gabbix.."passive-aggressive and barely hidden".
>
> Yeah, ugggh, my mom used to do that and it drove me nuts, she'd always say, well you know "some people" live like this, or do this, and she'd criticize it, and it was obvious she was talking about me, but she wouldn't ever be direct about it. I really find directness is so much more respectful, and although I think it appears harsher to some, it's really liable to cause fewer hurt feelings.
> If someone says to me "Gabbi I disagree with what you did or said and this is why.." I really appreciate it, either I'll agree to disagree, or I'll have a new way of looking at something, and I love that.

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Fallen4MyT

Posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 17:16:36

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Gabbix2, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 16:51:25

But with some having ONCE said they do not approve I see no point in going on and on and telling me and every corner directly and indirectly and using my posts as examples

I really do not understand that at all, if it were any other behaviour that people thought was potentially destructive, like rage or S.I or promiscuity or something that wouldn't happen, I don't think, or if it did it would be nipped in the bud pretty quickly.

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Gabbix2

Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 17:30:22

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Fallen4MyT, posted by Gabbix2 on January 17, 2005, at 17:16:36

I do not understand it myself Gabbix, I feel put down and singled out.

> But with some having ONCE said they do not approve I see no point in going on and on and telling me and every corner directly and indirectly and using my posts as examples
>
> I really do not understand that at all, if it were any other behaviour that people thought was potentially destructive, like rage or S.I or promiscuity or something that wouldn't happen, I don't think, or if it did it would be nipped in the bud pretty quickly.

 

Re: thanks for reflecting on that (nm) Joslynn

Posted by Dr. Bob on January 17, 2005, at 19:33:24

In reply to Re: Did that actually happen? judy1, posted by Joslynn on January 16, 2005, at 17:21:36

 

Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?

Posted by Joslynn on January 18, 2005, at 9:36:09

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons? Gabbix2, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 17:30:22

Fallen, I am not sure if you mean that you thought my posts made your felt put down or something else? I miss a lot of posts because I pop in and out during work. To clarify, when I was thinking of the boundary violations by Ts, it wasn't just one poster I recalled. It was you, plus TMP, who seems like such a sweet but vulnerable person whose T really took advantage of her, now her future has been permanently changed. And there was someone else, but now I don't remember. I thought there was a third person and I apologize if I don't remember this correctly.

Please understand, I don't think you or other victims of therapist abuse did anything wrong. It is the Ts who are in the wrong. And I think that other posters should not be afraid to say that, because there are lots of other people reading and lurking who may really be unsure about this subject. And when other posters say things that sound congratulatory, that could be really confusing for someone.

It's one of those gray areas. We all know driving recklessly, SI, etc is harmful to us, but to accept the romantic attention of a professional who knows your heart and mind....I can see how that could feel so good even if it ended up hurting someone in the long run.

This is going to be my last post on this board, because for one thing, I am obviously just making posters feel criticized and not Ts, and two, I really do need to stay off the internet at work because we are entering the busy period. So this seems like a good reason to stay off here. The last thing I meant was for the victims to feel blamed.

I do wish you luck. You have posted some nice things to me in the past and I never meant to make you feel hurt or criticized. I am sure I will not be able to resist lurking from time to time, but I will refrain from posting, so as not to hurt more feelings.

 

oops, above for Fallen (nm)

Posted by Joslynn on January 18, 2005, at 9:38:34

In reply to Re: What about PB pushes your buttons?, posted by Joslynn on January 18, 2005, at 9:36:09


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