Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 425521

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won't take no

Posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 1:20:22

t2 won't take no for an answer. When I tell her that I think that it is best if I stop seeing her she just smiles and says no. What am I supposed to say to that?

It is nice that she wants to keep working with me.
I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I do get something out of seeing her.

But I am really bad at remembering to go to appointments and I have never had that before. I have missed them quite regularly, and sometimes I turn up quite late because I forgot.

She says she doesn't mind, that it is fine. Then she schedules another time. But ...

 

Re: won't take no alexandra_k

Posted by littleone on December 7, 2004, at 15:04:02

In reply to won't take no, posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 1:20:22

> t2 won't take no for an answer. When I tell her that I think that it is best if I stop seeing her she just smiles and says no. What am I supposed to say to that?

> But I am really bad at remembering to go to appointments and I have never had that before. I have missed them quite regularly, and sometimes I turn up quite late because I forgot.

I'm not saying this is the case in your situation, I know you have had geniune concerns with your T (or is it T's?) in the past. But I thought I would share my experience just to give you (and others I have seen post in a similar vein) some food for thought.

I tend to intellectualise everything, probably because I am so unstable emotionally. So I will tend to want to stop seeing my T, so my head comes up with all these logical reasons why I should. Things he has or hasn't said or done. Then the clouds will part for a few minutes and I'll see all the reasons why I should keep seeing him. Then I'll want to ditch him again and it just keeps going back and forth like that.

In my case, when I don't want to see him, it is re-enacting the patterns in all my relationships. It's exactly the reason why I need to keep seeing him. My defences are to cut people off. Avoid. Emotionally divorce (Dinah, that phrase is so spot on).

When I'm trying to ditch him, it is very hard for me to see that I can't trust myself and that I am wrong.

The other thing is, I'm pathologically punctual. So when I run late, that is a sure sign that my resistences/defenses are at work. I can see that now because it always happened when I wanted to ditch him or I had really hairy stuff writtten out for him or whatever.

Only you know for sure, but it kind of sounds like your lateness/missed appointments are a bit of ugly old resistence. If that's the case, it may also be worthwhile to consider your resistences/defences when you're thinking about staying with or leaving your T.

It's hard to tell because some T's are bad for you, but likewise, one of the main things about resistence is that it's sneaky and hides a lot.

 

Re: won't take no littleone

Posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 18:43:51

In reply to Re: won't take no alexandra_k, posted by littleone on December 7, 2004, at 15:04:02

Thanks very much for your response, it is food for thought...

I guess that the main reason why I think I should stop seeing her is because it feels a bit like cheating on t2.

But I do get something out of seeing her.
And he is going away for a month in Jan at any rate.
I know that the 'forgetting' is related to my not really wanting (on some level) to go. But I am suprised because i have never encountered that before. I am usually very punctual and I would never forget about an appointment because I look foward to it all week! I do think of her a lot out of sessions, though.

I think I will raise this issue with her.
I think I should keep seeing her.
She really is not bad for me in any other way.
Thanks.


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