Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 425126

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six hours 'till therapy...

Posted by Bent on December 6, 2004, at 5:28:27

I wrote my T a letter last night in hopes that I can share it with her today. Its more open and honest than I've ever been about how I feel about her. It's about how I see her as my perfect mother, and how mad I am that she cannot love me the way I want to be loved, and how the thoughts of termination are breaking my heart. Its causing me so much anxiety. I dont want to chicken out and not read it but I am nervous. I think she will handle it ok (i think). She encourages me to talk about ANY feelings i have towards her. I think i just feel embarassed anf stupid for feeling this way. I dont know.

 

Re: six hours 'till therapy...

Posted by vwoolf on December 6, 2004, at 7:38:57

In reply to six hours 'till therapy..., posted by Bent on December 6, 2004, at 5:28:27

I think it's great that you can express these feelings, and I'm sure she will welcome your letter. I know how hard it is and how threatening it feels to uncover such vulnerability and neediness. My anxiety is always enormous before I do, but the relief and warm fuzzy feelings of comfort afterwards make it well worth it. Good luck for later. Let us know how it goes.

 

Re: six hours 'till therapy... Bent

Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 6, 2004, at 14:00:45

In reply to six hours 'till therapy..., posted by Bent on December 6, 2004, at 5:28:27

I hope you let us know how it went I hope well and I think it will go well...we are here

 

How'd it go? Bent

Posted by Dinah on December 6, 2004, at 19:12:49

In reply to six hours 'till therapy..., posted by Bent on December 6, 2004, at 5:28:27

And please don't feel foolish about it. No feelings are foolish. They just *are*.

 

Re: six hours 'till therapy... Bent

Posted by Aphrodite on December 6, 2004, at 19:28:15

In reply to six hours 'till therapy..., posted by Bent on December 6, 2004, at 5:28:27

You are SO brave! I admire you. You are going to feel so much better. I am anxious to hear how it goes!

 

Re: six hours 'till therapy...

Posted by Bent on December 7, 2004, at 6:22:53

In reply to Re: six hours 'till therapy... Bent, posted by Aphrodite on December 6, 2004, at 19:28:15

Well...I did read the whole thing, the entire four pages, typed no less. :) When ever I have something to say about how I feel about her I usually write it so she is used to that. And usually the sessions where I read something I am really nervous but then feel so much better afterwards - reassured and more comfortable with my T. This time wasnt like that. Its not that it went badly. My T welcomed all that I had to say, but I wanted her to say more. I didnt get that reassuring feeling. I think she has stopped being so reassuring because we are moving closer to termination and its like she expects me to be able to reassure myself now. So its not that it went badly, but i didnt feel good afterwards. I thought that i wished i hadnt read it. I just felt cheap, like it didnt matter to my T. I dont want to go back - that's how i feel right now. I cant help but wonder if maybe unconsciously perhaps, my motive in telling her these feelings was to elicit a reaction from her and then when I didnt get it I found it upsetting?? Shouldnt getting those feelings out in the open and seeing that she is accepting of them be enough? Maybe I am thinking too much.


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