Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 423305

Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

About the I am not the victim mantra...

Posted by 64bowtie on December 2, 2004, at 9:39:18

Anytime I perceive that what I feel in my gut as an injustice, I recite quietly, "I am not the victim". This allows me to perceive injustice and not risk violence.

I ride the bus, because I can, and it saves on wear-and-tear of that 1964 Chevy "bowtie" pickup I drive. It already has over 300,000 miles on it. Also, if I get run into, it takes six times as long to fix. Furthermore, the bus saves on my not needing a second car, with insurance and all the monthly payment cr*p. So, I ride the bus.

While riding the bus, if I see a Mom slug her child to invoke behavior, I fume, but I remain alert to step in if the childs life is in danger, and I recite my mantra to myself. While in the checkout line in a retail store, if I see two strangers yelling at each other, I stay alert but out of the discussion, and I recite my mantra to myself.

Take the time to picture where you react alot as if you are the victim, and yet you aren't. Now, overlay reciting your mantra. What works for me is "I am not the victim". What works for you?

Rod

 

Re: About the I am not the victim mantra...

Posted by Daisym on December 2, 2004, at 11:32:57

In reply to About the I am not the victim mantra..., posted by 64bowtie on December 2, 2004, at 9:39:18

"Something really sad must have happened to them today."

 

Re: About the I am not the victim mantra...

Posted by sunny10 on December 2, 2004, at 11:57:22

In reply to About the I am not the victim mantra..., posted by 64bowtie on December 2, 2004, at 9:39:18

I think "that child will join us on Babble someday, poor thing".....

 

Re: About the I am not the victim mantra...

Posted by smokeymadison on December 2, 2004, at 12:23:29

In reply to Re: About the I am not the victim mantra..., posted by sunny10 on December 2, 2004, at 11:57:22

i always try to think of that saying that goes something like this:

help me to change the things i can
give me peace to let the things i can't change remain the same
give me the wisdom to know what i can and cannot change

i think that it is some kind of verse or something, i forget, but i always try to think of it when i get angry or overwhelmed with anxiety.

SM

 

Re: About the I am not the victim mantra...

Posted by sunny10 on December 2, 2004, at 12:53:19

In reply to Re: About the I am not the victim mantra..., posted by smokeymadison on December 2, 2004, at 12:23:29

> i always try to think of that saying that goes something like this:
>
> help me to change the things i can
> give me peace to let the things i can't change remain the same
> give me the wisdom to know what i can and cannot change
>
> i think that it is some kind of verse or something, i forget, but i always try to think of it when i get angry or overwhelmed with anxiety.
>
> SM

It's the Serenity Prayer... I THINK it goes...

God grant me the courage to better the things that I can,
The serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Even if I messed it up, that's my mantra, too.

 

Re: About the I am not the victim mantra...

Posted by Joslynn on December 2, 2004, at 13:54:46

In reply to Re: About the I am not the victim mantra..., posted by sunny10 on December 2, 2004, at 12:53:19

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

To change the things you can...in my state, there is a child abuse reporting line if you see something that you really think is abusive. I happen to know the existence of it from my job and they also have it on shopping carts and other areas. Now this wouldn't apply to a little hit, but a major slug, where you think you would have to step in to save the kid's life, would also warrant a call I think.

What they often discover about abuse is that neighbors do sometimes suspect but don't know what to do about it. Of course it's a judgment call. But I just wanted to let people know that in most states, there are agencies to look into these things. They may be overworked but they are there. What happens after you call, I don't know.

 

Thanx guys

Posted by 64bowtie on December 2, 2004, at 22:02:14

In reply to Re: About the I am not the victim mantra..., posted by Joslynn on December 2, 2004, at 13:54:46

Thanx daisy, sunny, SM, and Joslynn. We can this together.

<<< Joslynn, trust me! I have spoken up in the past and been threatenned by other passengers, and even a bus-driver once. I choose to be a little more "hands-off". I might get shot by a mad-bus-driver.

Also, you may make an anonymous complaint, but without a call back # and ID of some sort, agencies tend to be overwhelmed, so nothing gets done usually. I could call the police and have them meet the bus at a given location, the "perp' and their child might get off the bus too soon. If the police get involved, CPS is not far behind, though.

It's a mess out there!

Rod

 

Re: Thanx guys

Posted by sunny10 on December 3, 2004, at 13:26:44

In reply to Thanx guys, posted by 64bowtie on December 2, 2004, at 22:02:14

Rod,

I notice you are very wary of CPS. I wonder if you have been an innocent victim fallen into their trap and lost, like I was?? My ex-husband talked our three year old son into telling his daycare center "principal" that my (now ex) boyfriend had been hitting him. Which never happened. And I would not say that to protect an ex-boyfriend!

There wasn't a mark on my son- and they were never left alone for any period of time- but I lost shared custody and only through $17,000.00 of legal bills did I manage to get him back for partial (less than half) custody. For that privilege, I also had to pay my ex child support although he was earning three times more than I was.

That being said, I do still agree that if you see a child being beaten, or even emotionally abused time after time, you have the "Serenity Prayer choice" to make that something to have the courage to change by utilizing those agencies. Yes, they may come on like gangbusters and be wrong many times (usually when a divorce is imminent), but they are always TRYING to do the right thing. Children's rights first.

If we don't try to help the children, they will be here on Babble later, like most of us.

 

let me clear sunny10

Posted by 64bowtie on December 3, 2004, at 20:47:01

In reply to Re: Thanx guys, posted by sunny10 on December 3, 2004, at 13:26:44

Sunny,

I personally have not been victim at the hands of CPS. I see some cases unfold like tales of Hitler's gestapo. Others are toooo little, toooo late, and the child is dead. Some cases are like poetry; the child survives and thrives and the parent(s) are now convicted criminals. Each case is unique and usually the child is no longer in danger.

Because of the crazy chaos and messy egos out there, I choose to pick my battles..... carefully! If I could manage to carry a useful video camera that would vindicate any action on my part. I might step in more often. I just know I'm not bullet-proof and some folks are "packin'". If I set one off, toooo many folks could get hurt. So, I pick my battles.

Rod

 

Re: About the I am not the victim mantra... 64bowtie

Posted by Gabbix2 on December 4, 2004, at 21:53:26

In reply to About the I am not the victim mantra..., posted by 64bowtie on December 2, 2004, at 9:39:18


*I see a Mom slug her child to invoke behavior*

I really like the way you put that, (yes me!)
It certainly put's a different slant on a spanking.

 

Re: let me clear 64bowtie

Posted by sunny10 on December 5, 2004, at 13:11:30

In reply to let me clear sunny10, posted by 64bowtie on December 3, 2004, at 20:47:01

sigh, I understand what you mean... Guess I don't worry about my OWN safety as much as I should... you're right.

Thanks for enlightening me.

 

sunny Not just one child

Posted by 64bowtie on December 5, 2004, at 14:47:26

In reply to Re: About the I am not the victim mantra..., posted by sunny10 on December 2, 2004, at 11:57:22

> I think "that child will join us on Babble someday, poor thing".....

<<< ...but, sadly, several...

Rod

 

Re: sigh, Rod, I hate that idea

Posted by sunny10 on December 5, 2004, at 15:42:50

In reply to sunny Not just one child, posted by 64bowtie on December 5, 2004, at 14:47:26

unfortunately, you are too right.

 

judging abuse

Posted by just plain jane on December 5, 2004, at 20:23:29

In reply to Re: About the I am not the victim mantra... 64bowtie, posted by Gabbix2 on December 4, 2004, at 21:53:26

is often not agreed upon. However, if someone slugged or otherwise did what I consider abuse to anyone in my presence I would do as I have in the past.

Hard as it is, I try to understand the abuser's thoughts at that moment. I delicately suggest that perhaps the dad had a rough day? Maybe mom needs a break? Some kind of neutral icebreaker which opens the door to a discussion, rather than stepping in as defender and totally pi$$ing off the abuser. Once people start talking about their lives and their kids, I get a feel for the appropriate responses.

The point is, I try to leave the abuser aware of his/her wrongdoing, hopefully ashamed (but not openly), thinking about their behavior and how it effects the abused, many other things, and finally that someone cared about them AND their child enough to listen to what's wrong and perhaps help them think of alternatives and solutions. At least, to think.

Yet one more reason people who know me consider me eccentric (when they're being nice).

And sometimes the abuser is just such an a$$hole that I'll wish it were acceptable for me to twist their head off and shove it up their behind... but WAIT!!! They aleady HAVE their head up there.

just plain jane

 

additionally just plain jane

Posted by just plain jane on December 5, 2004, at 20:25:45

In reply to judging abuse, posted by just plain jane on December 5, 2004, at 20:23:29

My apologies to any abusers out there who are offended by my attitude. Waaaaaah!

 

Re: additionally just plain jane

Posted by Gabbix2 on December 5, 2004, at 20:48:10

In reply to additionally just plain jane, posted by just plain jane on December 5, 2004, at 20:25:45

> My apologies to any abusers out there who are offended by my attitude. Waaaaaah!

*giggle*

It's such a tough situation isn't it? In 90%
of unfair situations I see in public I have no problem getting involved, It's not even something I think about, however when it's parent child or husband/wife, the dynamic is different. I know that if I risk angering them, or come across as condescending in any way, all that anger or embarassment is going to be directed toward the child, or partner later on.
I agree with you that getting them talking is probably the best way, and probably the most reasonable too, there are times where you might be seeing a normally good parent having an exceptionally bad day.


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