Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 419312

Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Why do I keep coming back here?

Posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 11:36:43

I have to let it out, some of it. My father won't speak to me anymore, he says to my mother that he can't stand me.
My therapist refuses to see me anymore, because he says my transference is too strong.
I've disappointed the two of the most important men lately, and I don't know how to deal with it, although I seem okay most of the time there's a deep feeling of sorrow. And strings that may follow me to my grave. Do I have a right to be angry with these men? Because that's how I feel. I'm sorry, I just have to have someplace to deal with this.

 

Re: Why do I keep coming back here?

Posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 11:42:36

In reply to Why do I keep coming back here?, posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 11:36:43

I just want to phone my ex-T and say "You Prick. You Inadequate, Dishonest Prick." Is that transference? I need somewhere to spill, sorry everybody for being so blatant, but sometimes I just feel so angry with these silly stupid transferring men in my life. When I was born, I became one of the most important things in my father's life and I still am, and I HATE THAT. He's a brilliant, twisted man and he just can't seem to stop suffocating me, that's how I feel, like he's suffocating me, even after he dies I'll be suffocated, if I don't go first, I suppose there's always that possibility. Thank you for being here PB.

 

Re: Why do I keep coming back here?

Posted by messadivoce on November 23, 2004, at 11:53:37

In reply to Why do I keep coming back here?, posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 11:36:43

Huh? Your transference is too strong?? Isn't that his job? That's like a policeman refusing to work because there's too much crime!

Wanting to call him (your T) up and tell him what a bastard he is seems like a pretty reasonable human response to me. Don't let yourself be gaslighted! Just because we experience transference doesn't mean we don't have our heads on straight!

 

Re:becuz we care...love to Susan47 (nm)

Posted by B2Chica on November 23, 2004, at 13:19:16

In reply to Why do I keep coming back here?, posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 11:36:43

 

Transferrence d'jour Susan47

Posted by 64bowtie on November 23, 2004, at 13:54:07

In reply to Re: Why do I keep coming back here?, posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 11:42:36

Susan,

There is a cancer amongst us all. The symptoms are griping, grumbling, gosipping, complaining, and general disgruntled-ness . When folks aren't disgruntled and don't gripe, grumble, gossip and complain, wellness sets in......., where the cancer was before.

Practice on people important to you in this way:
when they act disgruntled and are griping, complaining, gossipping, and grumbling, say, "I heard your complaint. What is your request?" Common sense takes over and they either go away grumbling which leaves you with piece of mind, or they slate their desired remedy.

If the remedy has nothing to do with you, point them in the appropriate direction. If the remedy is beyond your pervue and capabilities, ask them to rethink/reword their request, letting them know that it is beyond your pervue and capabilities. If their remedy is, however, dead-center in your bailiwick and thus your responsibility, be accountable and produce the appropriate information and/or behavior change required for resolution. When accomplished, thank them and go on. Graciousness embraces beauty.

This is resolution without violence and bloodshed! This is resolution before there is really even a conflict!

Rod

 

Re: Why do I keep coming back here? Susan47

Posted by fallsfall on November 23, 2004, at 19:41:37

In reply to Why do I keep coming back here?, posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 11:36:43

What kind of therapy did your therapist do?

I got into quite a mess with transference with a CBT therapist. But my Psychodynamic therapist handles it so much better, and we have been able to make some progress (some of the progress was pretty hard, but it is progress none-the-less).

 

Re: Why do I keep coming back here?

Posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 21:03:24

In reply to Re: Why do I keep coming back here? Susan47, posted by fallsfall on November 23, 2004, at 19:41:37

I have no clue. He never said and I don't know enough about therapy to know.

 

Thanks B2C. (((B2C))) (nm)

Posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 22:17:39

In reply to Re: Why do I keep coming back here?, posted by messadivoce on November 23, 2004, at 11:53:37

 

Rod, honey, if you turned on your Babblemail?

Posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 22:20:13

In reply to Transferrence d'jour Susan47, posted by 64bowtie on November 23, 2004, at 13:54:07

I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this, as it's all going over my head in your current format.
Thy brain is better than mine.

 

Rod,

Posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 22:21:15

In reply to Re: Why do I keep coming back here?, posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 21:03:24

Do I take it correctly that you like me more when I'm all sweetness and light?

 

Re: Transferrence d'jour 64bowtie

Posted by TofuEmmy on November 23, 2004, at 23:09:18

In reply to Transferrence d'jour Susan47, posted by 64bowtie on November 23, 2004, at 13:54:07

Did you just say that their "cancer" is venting? My friends call me to vent all the time. Sometimes they groan and complain, and I'm all ears! Cuz, I love them, and I'm their friend. And I know they need to talk. Talking to me may not cure what ails them, but when they hang up they will feel more loved. That will surely help what ever problems fall their way.

I hope my friends always feel welcome to call, to talk about the good stuff, and the bad stuff. Talking (typing) out the bad stuff sometimes helps people simply organize their own thoughts so they can put these thoughts into action.

IMHO

emmy

 

Re: Transferrence d'jour TofuEmmy

Posted by gardenergirl on November 24, 2004, at 1:12:41

In reply to Re: Transferrence d'jour 64bowtie, posted by TofuEmmy on November 23, 2004, at 23:09:18

Hey sweetie, you listening/reading my venting tonight really helped. So I thank you for that.
Take care!
gg

 

Re: Transferrence d'jour gardenergirl

Posted by TofuEmmy on November 24, 2004, at 10:19:34

In reply to Re: Transferrence d'jour TofuEmmy, posted by gardenergirl on November 24, 2004, at 1:12:41

You can vent in my direction any time! Cuz, you KNOW I've done in to you like a gazillion times! And then there are those times you make me laugh til I pee my pants. They count too. :-)

Kisses, Your Target, emmy

 

Re: Transferrence d'jour (long) 64bowtie

Posted by Gabbix2 on November 25, 2004, at 21:53:50

In reply to Transferrence d'jour Susan47, posted by 64bowtie on November 23, 2004, at 13:54:07

I guess I'm recanting my Do Not Post to me request here Rod.
>
When folks aren't disgruntled and don't gripe, grumble, gossip and complain, wellness sets in?

"Wellness sets in?"

How did you come by this theory? science has found the opposite to be true, and well most people women especially, innately know the importance of being able to speak about their troubles, gather, and gossip a little.

Even during the 1600's when women were forbidden to gather in groups (it was suspected they were plotting against men) they would gather after dark and hide in the forest in order to share their problems, even though they knew if they were caught they would be branded witches, it was THAT important.
(This is where the idea of witches gathering to brew spells during the night came from )
Men tend to self medicate more than women partly because they are still socialized to tough things out.
In "The Noonday Demon" Andrew Solomon talks abou the northern community of Illuminaq, where life is so unbearably harsh due to weather conditions, the 6 months of darkness,(among other things) that it is considered a breech of etiquette to complain about ones own difficulties, it's simply not done. Virtually the entire community suffers from depression, many from P.T.S.D.
How was this alleviated? One woman changed the health of many people by opening a
house where people could come and talk about their troubles, and it had a significant impact on the wellbeing of those who did.

It's interesting that you used the analogy *cancer* because keeping things inside is more likely to cause disease rather than prevent it.
I suppose learning to look at things in a more positive way so you dont have constant complaints
would be even better, but you hadn't mentioned that aspect.

 

Thanx for removing your estoppel... Gabbix2

Posted by 64bowtie on December 1, 2004, at 0:20:13

In reply to Re: Transferrence d'jour (long) 64bowtie, posted by Gabbix2 on November 25, 2004, at 21:53:50

Gabbix,

I do mean that... I am forever grateful...

Rod

 

Re: Rod --- lemmee think................ Susan47

Posted by 64bowtie on December 2, 2004, at 7:56:45

In reply to Rod,, posted by Susan47 on November 23, 2004, at 22:21:15

> Do I take it correctly that you like me more when I'm all sweetness and light?
>

<<< Aha! Graciousness embraces beauty...!

Rod

 

Re: Rod --- lemmee think................

Posted by Susan47 on December 3, 2004, at 23:37:40

In reply to Re: Rod --- lemmee think................ Susan47, posted by 64bowtie on December 2, 2004, at 7:56:45

I like that, Rod, but I'm starting to have you popping up in my dreams.

 

Re: Rod --- lemmee think................ Susan47

Posted by sunny10 on December 5, 2004, at 15:40:12

In reply to Re: Rod --- lemmee think................, posted by Susan47 on December 3, 2004, at 23:37:40

hmmmm, what does he look like in your dreams, Susan???!!!

 

Re: Re: Rod --- lemmee think Susan47

Posted by 64bowtie on December 6, 2004, at 14:06:32

In reply to Re: Rod --- lemmee think................, posted by Susan47 on December 3, 2004, at 23:37:40

Susan, I blowdit. I got in a hurry and didn't see these posts on this thread...
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/419521.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/419523.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/423275.html

 

Re: Re: Rod --- lemmee think

Posted by Susan47 on December 6, 2004, at 17:38:17

In reply to Re: Re: Rod --- lemmee think Susan47, posted by 64bowtie on December 6, 2004, at 14:06:32

Ah, well then ... can I tell you just between us that I'm feeling crappy today, physically I'm exhausted from work and school, emotionally I'm bereft for several reasons, I have a headache, an exam tonight, need to get myself together and I just can't seem to do it thanks for letting me complain and before you click to post, don't give me any advice just how you yourself are doing today would be fine enough. And welcome. Lovey :)


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