Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 395117

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Re: Completely lost faith Dinah

Posted by just plain jane on September 26, 2004, at 21:17:05

In reply to Completely lost faith, posted by Dinah on September 25, 2004, at 23:04:29

I have managed to avoid transference.

It's probably because I don't truly trust anyone.
That started with my parents and siblings and has pretty much ruled my life, with reinforcing experiences in the process.

I'm not the suspicious type, and I confide without hesitation in my Ts, but I know all too well how easy it is for someone you know well, love, and trust, to violate you psychologically.

In the end, no one is alone but the unbeliever.

 

Re: faith

Posted by gardenergirl on September 26, 2004, at 21:17:56

In reply to Re: faith tabitha, posted by Dinah on September 26, 2004, at 2:32:26

Dinah,
I'm replying without reading rest of thread at the moment, so I hope this isn't redundant. It sounds like no fun at all feeling like this. I am wondering, though, if perhaps there might be something going on with your T that it feels like the magic is gone? Is it necessarily something about you? I ask because it feels like my T is not quite "on" lately. Still good, but I feel like I'm finding myself clarifying and/or correcting him more and more as he seems to jump in too quickly lately. He also has been a bit forgetful. I as attributing it to beginning of the term stress, but there might also be something personal with him. I have the luxury of knowing someone else who sees him, so I can compare notes. This helps me to not personalize it so much.

Just a thought?

gg

 

Re: faith gardenergirl

Posted by Dinah on September 26, 2004, at 21:22:32

In reply to Re: faith, posted by gardenergirl on September 26, 2004, at 21:17:56

Unfortunately I don't think that's it. He has his good days and less than brilliant days as always. And when he's at the top of his form, I admire his technique. But there's a big difference between admiring technique and feeling magic.

He seems to be in a good place personally right now. And believe me, I've seen him when he wasn't in such a good place. I can read that like a book. (Poor guy. I bet in his line of work he's surrounded by clients with sensitive antennae, and he's not really sensitive in that way.)

 

Re: faith gardenergirl

Posted by Annierose on September 26, 2004, at 22:12:29

In reply to Re: faith, posted by gardenergirl on September 26, 2004, at 21:17:56

gg -
This question isn't directly related to this particular thread, sorry if it's inappropriate.
Is it difficult for you to know someone that sees the same T? Are you a close friend? That would cause problems for me if it was someone I considered close.

 

Friend seeing same T Annierose

Posted by gardenergirl on September 27, 2004, at 0:17:40

In reply to Re: faith gardenergirl, posted by Annierose on September 26, 2004, at 22:12:29

Hi,
I found out after the fact that my friend was seeing this T also. We are classmates, and our options for seeing someone on campus are a bit limited, so there are several of us who all go to the same center, but we are divided among 3 or 4 T's. In this case, because I doubt very much that either of us talk about the other in therapy, it's okay. One time I felt kind of sorry for our T because he was hearing the same work-related issues from both of us about another co-worker. I imagine it was hard to hear it over and over (the conflict went on for a few weeks) and to keep track of who said what.

But otherwise, we sometimes laugh together about him and his habits. We commiserate that he is always running late, and we both are quite happy with him.

Good question, though. I would not recommend that a T see close friends. I think there is too much potential for less objectivity if he hears about one from the other. Something similar happened at the clinic where I worked last year. In processing sessions with another co-worker, we discovered that we were seeing friends. And that the friendship was an integral part of each client's issues. So we had to be very careful not to talk to each other about these particular clients. It was hard, though, because I found out before my colleague did that her client was cutting again. I had to keep that to myself to protect my client's privacy.

It sure is complicated. I would imagine it's hard in small towns or rural areas where there are fewer T's.

gg

 

Re: Friend seeing same T gardenergirl

Posted by Annierose on September 27, 2004, at 6:05:47

In reply to Friend seeing same T Annierose, posted by gardenergirl on September 27, 2004, at 0:17:40

Thanks for your reply. I do think it would be very interesting, on the one hand, to be able to share notes on the T. Otherwise, I can see it being very difficult.

 

Re: Friend seeing same T Annierose

Posted by Annierose on September 27, 2004, at 16:10:35

In reply to Re: Friend seeing same T gardenergirl, posted by Annierose on September 27, 2004, at 6:05:47

And I wanted to add, potentially competitive.
But I do fantasize (and I hate that word choice here) about being able to chat about the T with someone else.

 

Re: Completely lost faith Dinah

Posted by mair on September 27, 2004, at 16:56:02

In reply to Completely lost faith, posted by Dinah on September 25, 2004, at 23:04:29

Dinah, I know I'm jumping into this late, and haven't read all of the responses, but I'm wondering if this is not a loss of faith, but a loss of hope.

I know we're different but when I am depressed, and feeling overwelmed everything in my life looks wrong, and worse, my many problems seem to be interconnected in a very complicated way. I also know when I'm spread out to the max and rather overstressed, I tend to obsess about all the tasks I'm not getting to instead of those that I am.

You're trying to deal with so much between your dogs, your parents, work, insulating your son, and whatever relationship issues seem to continually come to the fore in times of stress. I can well imagine that you're overwelmed, and that you may not be able to see that things can get better with this particular therapist. And maybe, rather than leaning on him as you might have in the past, you're circling the wagons and drawing back from him.

I've read alot of emails and posts where you talk about your therapist, hardly always in the most favorable terms. Your relationship with him has always seemed very human to me; I've never known you to describe the dynamic between you and him as being the least bit magical. It always has seemed that you have put alot of energy and just hard work into your relationship with him. It's certainly one which has evolved.

It could well be that the 2 of you have gone about as far as you can go, and that you need to go in a different direction. But I don't think you can know that right now, when you have so much to contend with. Try to use him in the best way that you can, and go to work on the harder issue of whether he's giving you what you need, when things have settled down.

I'm rereading this and see that it's the epitome of mindless babble. But I hope you get the point. (-;

Mair

 

Re: Completely lost faith mair

Posted by Dinah on September 27, 2004, at 17:02:04

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith Dinah, posted by mair on September 27, 2004, at 16:56:02

Thanks Mair. I agree that depression might be the cause rather than the result of the loss of magic. It's hard to tell.

But I always felt the magic. It's why I worked so hard on the relationship. I felt bad, I went to see him, I left feeling better than when I arrived. We didn't seem to say or do anything that would account for my feeling better, but I did anyway.

If you ever want to chat, my old email address is still good. That goes for everyone, although I'm not really good at returning email.

bully for you 77 at yahoo.

 

Re: Completely lost faith Dinah

Posted by Annierose on September 27, 2004, at 19:13:39

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith mair, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2004, at 17:02:04

Sometimes I just think that the T and client are just "on" and that is the magic you may be describing. I love those sessions! Consciously and subconsciously, you are both in total sync.

 

Re: Completely lost faith Dinah

Posted by Pfinstegg on September 27, 2004, at 23:14:28

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith mair, posted by Dinah on September 27, 2004, at 17:02:04

Dinah, I'm being a complete pain in the neck on this thread, and I'm probably going to dig myself in even deeper now, but what you're expressing sounds like *negative* tranference. You've worked so hard, and successfully, on getting a secure attachment, and a lot of positive feelings for your T. But we all have negative feelings too- coming from parts of us which experienced pain and disappointment in the past. Those come into the relationship, too! I find those BY FAR the most depressing, isolating and difficult to deal with, but they are there, and my T reminds me, "I want ALL of you to be in here". I just have to force myself to deal with it honestly (he helps, too). I don't know if I am alone in this or not, but I find it very hard to hold in my mind at the same time that parts of me feel very loving and attached, and other parts distrustful and hateful- I want it to be only positive- but it just isn't.

 

Yes, exactly! Beautiful description! (nm) Annierose

Posted by 10derHeart on September 28, 2004, at 17:18:50

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith Dinah, posted by Annierose on September 27, 2004, at 19:13:39

 

Re: Completely lost faith Dinah

Posted by ron1953 on September 28, 2004, at 23:50:13

In reply to Completely lost faith, posted by Dinah on September 25, 2004, at 23:04:29

Dinah:

My T often reminds me that I need to be my own best parent. She's right. Rarely is there someone who's gonna pat us on the back, give us a big hug, etc. when we do well. So, when I realize I've handled a stressful situation better than I might have in the past, done a good deed, whatever, I try to stop and take the time to give myself credit for the success. It's a good reinforcement that I don't need from the outside.

Ron

 

Re: Completely lost faith ron1953

Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 29, 2004, at 13:49:05

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith Dinah, posted by ron1953 on September 28, 2004, at 23:50:13

Ron, that is such a great practice. My T wants me to do this all the time and I wish I could do it better. He also wants me to give credit to myself about things I have NOT done (such as drinking, drugs, etc.) I'm getting better at this. But the self-congratulatory thing is a hard thing to do.

 

Re: Completely lost faith Dinah

Posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 0:17:14

In reply to Completely lost faith, posted by Dinah on September 25, 2004, at 23:04:29

hi Dinah,
maybe this could be a positive thing? Instead of needing to TALK about life, you're out there LIVING it -- doing the hours at work instead of being in the T's office? (Forgive me if I'm misrepresenting the situation!)

I don't think it's bad to stop needing the T so much. Maybe you're ready to stand on your own...which would be a huge victory and goal! :)

Maybe the magic can come from you and from things that you do. YOu seem like such a neat, intelligent and interesting person. Do you think you're outgrowing the T?

Anyway, I wish you the best!
JenStar

 

I sure hope not. (wry smile) JenStar

Posted by Dinah on October 1, 2004, at 1:10:06

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith Dinah, posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 0:17:14

It's good to see your name again. Believe it or not, I was about to post a "Jenstar how are you post" tonight.

 

Re: Completely lost faith ron1953

Posted by Dinah on October 1, 2004, at 1:11:21

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith Dinah, posted by ron1953 on September 28, 2004, at 23:50:13

I'm embarassed to admit that I'm rather good at that. (blush) (grin)

 

Re: Completely lost faith Annierose

Posted by Dinah on October 1, 2004, at 1:16:08

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith Dinah, posted by Annierose on September 27, 2004, at 19:13:39

That is definitely part of it. I've definitely had those sessions and they're absolutely fabulous.

But there's something more. Something that operates even when we're definitely not in sync. Something solid and calm in him that reaches out to me and envelops me in a peace I find difficult to come by. Even when I'm angry with him. :) Something that kept me coming to therapy during the first few years which neither of us would describe as good ones.

Magic.

I felt it yesterday. Maybe it'll come back.

 

Ok, Dr. Bob. I understand that this is ok Pfinstegg

Posted by Dinah on October 1, 2004, at 1:21:02

In reply to Re: Completely lost faith Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on September 27, 2004, at 23:14:28

Since I'm replying individually to those who were kind enough to reply to me? If not, let me know.

Ok, Pfinstegg, now that I've covered my rear by doing my best to comply with the new rule...

This is a single state problem. My rational self has never felt particularly positive toward my therapist. :)

I am angry with him, but only because he sees my growing up as a good thing, while I see it as a major problem. And growing up is what's causing the loss of faith. And I'm not going to let it happen, because I can't bear to let it happen.

 

Re: I sure hope not. (wry smile) Dinah

Posted by JenStar on October 1, 2004, at 11:16:22

In reply to I sure hope not. (wry smile) JenStar, posted by Dinah on October 1, 2004, at 1:10:06

thanks! It's nice to be missed. I've been very busy with work deadlines, creating materials for classes I teach. I think I'm ahead of the game for a while, so I can hang out & chat again.

I've missed a lot! -- I'm going to have to read back-logs of babble to catch up.

I hope things are going well with you & your life.

take care! :)

JenStar

 

Re: right, no problem (nm) Dinah

Posted by Dr. Bob on October 2, 2004, at 2:59:21

In reply to Ok, Dr. Bob. I understand that this is ok Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on October 1, 2004, at 1:21:02

 

Faith coming back

Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2004, at 9:34:17

In reply to Completely lost faith, posted by Dinah on September 25, 2004, at 23:04:29

I'm clearly not ready to grow up, thank G*d.

 

Re: Faith coming back Dinah

Posted by Aphrodite on October 5, 2004, at 10:25:02

In reply to Faith coming back, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2004, at 9:34:17

I'm so glad:) Why should you ever have to?

 

I certainly see no reason or purpose. :) (nm) Aphrodite

Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2004, at 11:10:02

In reply to Re: Faith coming back Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on October 5, 2004, at 10:25:02

 

Grown Ups get to wear high heels and accessorize! (nm)

Posted by daisym on October 5, 2004, at 13:54:23

In reply to I certainly see no reason or purpose. :) (nm) Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2004, at 11:10:02


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