Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 396836

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Paranoid about response

Posted by RosieOGrady on September 29, 2004, at 12:40:37

Someone put a comment on a post of mine on ADMIN directed to me that I don't understand. Then someone else came along and posted a smiley to her re her comment directed at me. I don't get it. Are they making fun of me? Did I do something stupid or laughable without meaning to?

I told the original poster I didn't understand .The original poster has been back to the board and added a comment on that thread but didn't answer my post so I assume she isn't willing to explain.

How do I forget about it and go on?

It reminds me of the schooyard where one day everyone stops talking to you and making signs to each other about you but no one will ever tell you why. That happened to me and I think it happens a lot according to 'Odd Girl Out' which was a book about female bullying. It's a particularly female brand of cruelty.

I am aware that this situation is probably not analagous and the connection is in my head. But how do I get it out of my head?

 

Re: Paranoid at Babble? Nahhh RosieOGrady

Posted by 64bowtie on September 29, 2004, at 13:48:59

In reply to Paranoid about response, posted by RosieOGrady on September 29, 2004, at 12:40:37

RosieOGrady

> Did I do something stupid or laughable without meaning to? <

<<< Relax and enjoy. My Mom used to say when I was concerned I might get fired from this or that job, "Relax and enjoy, just as long as they don't hit you!"

<<< And..... Before anyone hits you, duck!

Rod

 

Re: Paranoid about response RosieOGrady

Posted by ron1953 on September 29, 2004, at 14:20:52

In reply to Paranoid about response, posted by RosieOGrady on September 29, 2004, at 12:40:37

Rosie:

I bet this isn't the first time you've felt this way. I used to be very sensitive about what others said or thought. I still often have initially sensitive responses to similar stuff. These instantaneous reactions aren't something you can eliminate completely. They are very deep-seated in our "lizard brains". The "trick" is to recognize it immediately with our conscious, thinking brain and get it under control with reality-based logical thinking. It's taken me a lot of practice, and I still have to practice. Even our own self-critical thoughts can have the same effect. The broader psychological problem is allowing others' opinions, real or assumed, to be more important than our own. For example, if somebody says I'm stupid, does that make it true?
Opinions are like a__holes; everybody's got one. You can please 50% of people 50% of the the time, so why bother trying - you may as well be yourself and let the chips fall where they will. So, don't sweat it. There's always going to be somebody who's critical of you at some time or another. If it hits a nerve regarding something you'd like to change about yourself, you really shouldn't be surprised - you're already working on it. If it's just bull, cruelty or simply something you don't understand, as in the case of the post you're upset about, use your conscious brain and choose to ignore it. Like so many of the thought processes we want to change, it's going to take practice, practice, practice.

 

Re: Paranoid about response RosieOGrady

Posted by daisym on September 29, 2004, at 14:45:55

In reply to Paranoid about response, posted by RosieOGrady on September 29, 2004, at 12:40:37

You might want to bring this up with your therapist...have you talked about these feelings before in therapy?

Ok...that was so this thread doesn't get kicked off this Board and over to social. Not that it is a bad idea...

The hardest thing about Babble is that humor doesn't work sometimes, or sarcasm. Or sometimes people don't read everthing so they don't answer honest questions. Which is why I change the subject line...but I know other posters hate that. They feel like the thread has been
hi-jacked.

It does hurt your feelings when you feel like you've been slapped, or ignored. It is hard to not take it as intentional. Typically it isn't. It is easy to say "let it go" but hard to put in practice. I'm sorry you were made to feel bad.

I surf some of the other boards here, especially social. I stay completely (OK, almost completely) away from Admin. I find it upsetting, and too much like my real life. But mostly I hang out here, because it is much more supportive and easy going. I don't/can't respond to every thread and sometimes I have a lot more time on my hands than others. But I try to add in where I can, hoping that everyone understand it isn't personal when I don't. I guess this is my way of encouraging you to find a balance of what works for you. That is how Babble works best.

 

LOL Thanks Rod

Posted by RosieOGrady on September 29, 2004, at 21:11:06

In reply to Re: Paranoid at Babble? Nahhh RosieOGrady, posted by 64bowtie on September 29, 2004, at 13:48:59

Your mama was a wise woman

 

Re: Paranoid about response

Posted by RosieOGrady on September 29, 2004, at 21:19:22

In reply to Re: Paranoid about response RosieOGrady, posted by ron1953 on September 29, 2004, at 14:20:52

thanks ron

No its an ongoing problem.In someways it's worse online because the comment just stays there and I keep going back to try and figure out what it means. But I am consciously trying to tell myself to STOP

It did kind of hit a nerve because it made me think I was responding too fast without thinking but I don't think that's what she meant. But I guess I should listen to my own brain and think before I post.......

I am practicing thanks for the reminder. I'm terrible to give in to Emotional Reasoning as they say in CBT. I have to keep telling myself just because I FEEL bad doesn't necessarily mean something bad has happened.

Thanks for taking the time to answer me. You all have helped me feel better.

 

Re: Paranoid about response daisym

Posted by RosieOGrady on September 29, 2004, at 21:25:56

In reply to Re: Paranoid about response RosieOGrady, posted by daisym on September 29, 2004, at 14:45:55

> You might want to bring this up with your therapist...have you talked about these feelings before in therapy?
>
> Ok...that was so this thread doesn't get kicked off this Board and over to social. Not that it is a bad idea...

I have actually :) But thanks for mentioning that-at soon as I posted it I thought I should have put it on Social but I didn't want to post an immediate correction because of all the uproar about too many posts

I know I should stay away from Admin. I already stay away from Faith because I don't want to get into debates.

Thanks again for your support. It helped. I feel a little silly for making such a big deal about it. My dog is barking for attention So I am going to end my Babbling for tonight. Thanks again.

>

 

Redirect: comment on a post + please be civil RosieOGrady

Posted by Dr. Bob on September 30, 2004, at 18:54:35

In reply to Paranoid about response, posted by RosieOGrady on September 29, 2004, at 12:40:37

> It reminds me of the schooyard where one day everyone stops talking to you and making signs to each other about you but no one will ever tell you why. That happened to me and I think it happens a lot according to 'Odd Girl Out' which was a book about female bullying. It's a particularly female brand of cruelty.

Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused.

If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil

Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.

> Someone put a comment on a post of mine on ADMIN directed to me that I don't understand...

And other follow-ups should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Social. Thanks,

Bob

 

Redirect: comment on a post

Posted by Dr. Bob on October 2, 2004, at 3:44:02

In reply to Redirect: comment on a post + please be civil RosieOGrady, posted by Dr. Bob on September 30, 2004, at 18:54:35

> And other follow-ups should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Social.

Here's a link:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041001/msgs/398184.html

Thanks,

Bob


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