Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 373917

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Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop pegasus

Posted by gardenergirl on August 4, 2004, at 19:31:40

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop, posted by pegasus on August 4, 2004, at 11:34:56

You know, more and more, I think an arrangement like what you describe is what I need. It's what I wanted going in. Just got sidetracked somehow by the force of her personality.

Yeah, I will see my T before I see her again. Just obsessing right now. It's what I do. :)

Take care,
gg

 

Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop gardenergirl

Posted by mair on August 4, 2004, at 22:11:03

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop pegasus, posted by gardenergirl on August 4, 2004, at 19:31:40

Maybe I missed something but how did it come about that you agreed to therapy with this woman anyway?

I see a pdoc periodically for meds management. Since i see her so infrequently, she asks me a lot of questions which seem like they ought to be coming from a therapist, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. Although I guess part of her evaluation is to review whatever symptoms seem to be plaguing me at that moment.

I did the 2 therapist thing for awhile, really at the behest of therapist #1 (a male) who thought I might be more comfortable talking about some issues with therapist #2, a woman. They worked in the same office. I think therapist #1 was hoping therapist #2 could do some CBT with me, which really wasn't his forte at all.

After awhile it was confusing in the extreme, because what each of them did with me wasn't different enough. Also, at some point they had a falling out and I felt sort of pulled between the 2. I don't think I'd go down that road again. Unfortunately, the experience ended up souring me on both of them, so that rather than having 2 therapists, I ended up with none.

As for her attitude - try to imagine how one of your own clients would feel if you proceeded to sum her up in the first session. I think we all like to think that we're a little more complicated and multi-layered, and that neither our problems nor the solutions are so totally transparent.

Mair

 

Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop mair

Posted by gardenergirl on August 5, 2004, at 8:17:49

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop gardenergirl, posted by mair on August 4, 2004, at 22:11:03

Thanks for your input. I agree, if I had said something like that to a client I would not be establishing rapport. I think that I just got kind of sucked in by the force of her personality. And I suppose the "wish" that there is something I can do to get well quicker.

Sounds like your experience was, er a learning opportunity? :) Thanks for sharing it.

Take care,
gg

 

Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop gardenergirl

Posted by Poet on August 5, 2004, at 18:16:16

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop Poet, posted by gardenergirl on August 4, 2004, at 19:29:57

Hi GG,

My T said that if I want to start therapy with pdoc that I could still see her monthly or on as needed basis. She wanted to get into why I thought I wanted to see him more, but I told her that it's something that I'm just wondering about and not ready to do it.

Poet

 

Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop gardenergirl

Posted by antigua on August 5, 2004, at 18:57:07

In reply to Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop, posted by gardenergirl on August 4, 2004, at 9:38:44

Well this is kind of funny. Overkill, maybe. I have a Pdoc and two therapists. My Pdoc is meds only (bi-monthly or monthly) but he likes to check in on how I'm doing. He focuses on my ability to function as well as possible in life--his goal is to make me feel GREAT, he says, and not just be surviving. I'll believe that when it happens.

T #2 is my EMDR therapist. Sometimes we just talk and don't do EMDR at all. She's o.k.; her view differs a little from other T, but I mostly use my time w/her to let EMDR open up my emotions.

T #1 leads all of the others. She is in total control. I defer to her because she knows me best. She always "reframes" what the others said, based on what she knows about me.

The other difference is that I'm only attached and emotionally invested w/T#1. I don't need any more complications in my life.

Actually, this is all working out quite well. Expensive, but it's going well.
antigua

 

Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop Poet

Posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 20:05:01

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop gardenergirl, posted by Poet on August 5, 2004, at 18:16:16

Thanks for passing this on. I bet I'll have to get into why I felt like agreeing (whether I stick with it or change my mind) with my T.

Take care,
gg

 

Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop antigua

Posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 20:06:20

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop gardenergirl, posted by antigua on August 5, 2004, at 18:57:07

Wow! I'm glad it's going well. The first thing I thought of when I read your post was "how does she keep everyone straight?" But I bet it's not that hard. And it also sounds like everyone understands their individual roles. And it certainly does sound expensive.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Take care,
gg

 

So, suppose I want to change my mind.....

Posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 20:11:04

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop gardenergirl, posted by antigua on August 5, 2004, at 18:57:07

How can I tell her I changed my mind without looking like a total flake? And why do I care if I look like a flake to someone I just met? In some ways, I feel like there is instant transference going on...which feels odd. Am I just really into passivity or people-pleasing right now because I'm more depressed? Sigh, I wish my T were here....(Now why did I really want to type "I wish my brother George were here" and put up a candlabra on a grand piano?) :D

gg

 

Re: So, suppose I want to change my mind..... gardenergirl

Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 23:00:51

In reply to So, suppose I want to change my mind....., posted by gardenergirl on August 6, 2004, at 20:11:04

Your therapist is coming back before you see her again, right? Once you discuss what she said with him and get his reaction, you'll know better if there are any "rules" from your therapist and how he'll feel about it.

I'm always upfront with any adjunct therapist I see that my therapist doesn't allow dual therapy. If your therapist doesn't either that should solve your problem. On the other hand, biofeedback guy was real nasty about my therapist not allowing me to have two therapists at once. Of course, biofeedback guy was nasty about everything.

 

Re: So, suppose I want to change my mind.....

Posted by gardenergirl on August 7, 2004, at 0:21:38

In reply to Re: So, suppose I want to change my mind..... gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2004, at 23:00:51

Thanks, I am looking forward, sort of, to talking with my T about this.

Do you suppose there is a biofeedback location for nastiness? Perhaps that T could use some work? :)

Take care,
gg

 

Re: So, suppose I want to change my mind..... gardenergirl

Posted by mair on August 8, 2004, at 15:51:48

In reply to Re: So, suppose I want to change my mind....., posted by gardenergirl on August 7, 2004, at 0:21:38

Didn't you just meet with this woman once? Also, I don't recall that you went into see her with the idea of having an adjunct therapist - I thought she's the one who raised it?

I don't think we should ever have to totally own decisions we make when we're put on the spot. Life is all about further reflections.

Mair

 

Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop

Posted by Joslynn on August 9, 2004, at 22:59:46

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop mair, posted by gardenergirl on August 5, 2004, at 8:17:49

Sorry I am late to this. Gardner Girl asked: "For those who see a pdoc and a T, how does it work for you? Any conflict between the two?"

Yes I see both a pdoc and T, and unlike some situations, my pdoc also does therapy with me. I see my T every other week for therapy and my pdoc once a month for med check & an hour therapy.

How it works: I talk to them about very similar things. Since I am single, and a lot of my situations involve the, er, challenges of dating, I like to have both the male and female perspective. My pdoc is a very kind person who is somewhat protective of me in the way he asks questions about someone I am dating. Sometimes, as a man, he will call a another "guy" on his behavior when that guy is not treating me well in a way that my female therp may miss. It's hard to explain.

You know how sometimes, your guy friends or brother will ask questions of whoever you are dating in a protective, big-brother kind of way? It's sort of like that.

My female therp, on the other hand, is great at making me realize the options I have and reminding me that I am a survivor and will continue to survive. She helps me stay out of catastrophizing and fantasizing. But sometimes, she misses little things about men in my life that the male pdoc picks up on. My therapist also has a more confrontational style (in a tough love way, which is good) whereas my pdoc is more reflective of how I feel.

As far as I know, they don't talk to each other about me (shocking that I am not a case of constant fascination to them!), but they both have each other's numbers. My pdoc told me to tell my therp that he wants her to call him if I seem to be "slipping," if that is ok with me, which it is. So far, I don't think she has made a call like that.

What is nice is, if my therp is on vacation, I can call my pdoc, and vice versa. I don't have many crises where I feel the need to call them, but the few times crises have occurred, they have always happened when one of them has been on vacation!

My pdoc saw me firsthand when I was in a very severe depression and he was by my side through the first weeks of that. So, I don't think I could just use him for meds and see my female therp just for therapy.

I feel that because he saw me at my worst and helped me through it, there was some sort of "imprinting" there, like the goslings do, and I still like to see him as well as my therapist. (I went to her a few weeks after the height--or rather, low?-- of the severe depression.)

Sometimes I will talk him about a comment or theory she had about something or I will talk to her about something he said, usually about meds or something like that.

I would not give either of them up and I think that both of them enhance, rather than detract, from each other.

That said, I think it was not nice or effective for your new pdoc to say you were acting like a child! Especially when she was just in the "intake" phase. How can she even know you well enough to even say those things? Plus, there are better ways to communicate!

But if she has tips for procrastination, do share!!!

 

oh yeah...

Posted by Joslynn on August 9, 2004, at 23:07:14

In reply to Re: Good therapist-cop/Bad therapist-cop, posted by Joslynn on August 9, 2004, at 22:59:46

Forgot to add: The closest that it came to a conflict was in the early days, when I was still in a very idealized transference with my pdoc. (Since then, he has slipped from his pedastol a bit, though I am sure there is still transference without a doubt.) Anyway, she said, "Be careful not to idealize him." That made me feel a bit defensive.

I'm sure she is right that I idealize him, but telling me not to do that just made me feel censored in a way.

I think that is the only time I felt kind of torn about having them both. I am sure I do idealize him more than her, but I think that is simply because I have a good relationship with female friends, my mom, etc., but I have not had a good track record with romantic relationships and my Dad was impaired in his parenting because of alcoholism.

So I think the idealism may be because I am simply not used to that level of kindness and attention from a man. Of course, that compassion is paid for and I do want to find a form of that from men in my "real life," in a realistic setting.

 

Re: oh yeah... Joslynn

Posted by gardenergirl on August 10, 2004, at 3:03:32

In reply to oh yeah..., posted by Joslynn on August 9, 2004, at 23:07:14

Thanks for sharing your situation. It's nice to hear from so many that they wouldn't like being told what she said, either. It sounds like you have a really good arrangement. I'm glad that is working for you. And I love your "imprinting" metaphor. That's great!

Sigh, about idealization...yeah, that *is* a defense mechanism, but it often is a key part of transference. And heck, when you mention an alcoholic father, it certainly comes to my mind that most of those I idealize are male. Perhaps that's why I reacted so strongly to this woman...maybe she's the mother...Hmmm. But I think you have to have some of this in order to work through it. I suppose your T was cautious maybe in part out of some countertransference, but also because she's not in the room, and may not realize how it may be helping???

Take care,
gg

 

Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry)

Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 3:46:49

In reply to Re: oh yeah... Joslynn, posted by gardenergirl on August 10, 2004, at 3:03:32

I saw my pdoc for the second time on Friday. I can't remember if I posted all that happened in the month since I first saw her and she said I was acting like a child. Let me do a quick summary.

She upped my Nardil to 75 mg. This made me very very restless and agitated...like I was going to jump out of my skin. Goodness I HATE that feeling. Always have ever since I was a kid and had to take asthma medication periodically that had adrenaline in it. Yuck! So, call number one to her is returned within a couple of hours, from her home. She had me take the Nardil down a half a pill, which got rid of the restlessness.

Then I developed terrible insomnia, the early awakening kind. For some reason, no matter what time I went to bed, I could only "sleep" 4 hours at a time. I would get up and try some tea or exercise or something, but could never get back to sleep. After about a week like this, when the effects of losing so much sleep were really getting to me, I placed call number 2. Again, she returned it quickly. (I wonder if she always does this, or if she is skittish about the Nardil...?). She started me on Gabitril for sleep.

This (or maybe just the Nardil) caused a significant amount of edema this past week. My legs looked like over stuffed sausages, my hands and face were puffy, and I was incredibly fatigued and at times short of breath. I gained more than 10 pounds of fluid in a few days. When I got on the scale at one point and saw a certain weight I never in a million years EVER thought I would see, I just cried. I would have called her again, but I knew I was going to see her Friday. I quit the gabitril because I don't know if it was really helping with the sleep or if I was just adjusting to the Nardil dose finally. I also dropped back to 60 mg Nardil, which is where I started when I went to see her!

Okay, so I wallk in all nervous about how it went last time, and feeling like such a high-maintenance client since I had to call her twice, and would have called her a third time if my appt. weren't so soon. She agreed with me that it has been a rocky month and commented that I am medication sensitive. She proceeded to tell me about some new research that might explain this, which was cool because she was talking to me more like a peer. She agreed with the choices I had made to fix the edema, which worked, by the way...nothing like gaining and losing more than 10 pounds in one week!

She also talked to me a bit more about my mother, because I had mentioned that I had just seen my mom for shopping, and that may have triggered some depression this past week. She was very insightful about this, and really listened to me. She noted when I mentioned that my family of origin was Finnish, that a light box might help (it's very dark in Finland, and there is a high prevalence of depression...light boxes seeem to help there). We also talked about what I might try if I ever need or want to go off the Nardil. (Imipramine is what she mentioned.) But she agreed that now is not a good time to think about changing meds given the experience I had and since I am starting a new training job in a few weeks.

So, bottom line. She did not do CBT related stuff with me. It was more dynamic. I told her I thought I would just do med management, but that my T was okay if we were to do an adjunctive type of therapy, such as CBT. She seemed to downplay the two T thing again. I also told her that I really didn't like her when I left last time because of what she said, and she apologized! Wow! I also told her that although it felt like getting smashed with a two by four, it did have some therapeutic value. We also talked about physical and emotional sensitivity, and she seemed to really "get" this, too. Hmmm, was she a pod person before? Or is she now?

So I see her in a month, mostly because the meds thing was so rocky last month. But I feel much better about things. I probably will try to steer her more towards meds and physical stuff if she continues with Mom stuff. Although hearing it from another perspective was interesting.

Sorry so long. It's late and I have insomnia, so brain is a little disorganized.

Thanks again to all who gave me support and input. It was very helpful at the time. By the way, my T wondered if my need to call for pdocs was related to him leaving, since I did it same day. I suppose. But I really thought it was just that I finally got around to doing it. That silly unconscious!

Warmly,
gg

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) gardenergirl

Posted by Aphrodite on September 6, 2004, at 8:01:50

In reply to Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry), posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 3:46:49

Wow, what a rocky month for you! I've mentioned before that I am not on meds but am going to a pdoc for the first time in a couple of weeks. I'm quite anxious! I am afraid that while treating the underlying instability in me, medication will just bring about another set of problems. Perhaps the therapeutic value of medication is to distract you from what was wrong in the first place? I mean, if I gained 10 lbs of water weight, I'd have a whole new reason for depression!

I thought it was awesome that you were able to tell her how you felt about her insensitivity last time! Starting off like that, I'm sure, will cause her to always choose her words carefully in the future. It sounds like you like and respect her more now, which is great. She sounds like she comes up with out-of-the-box solutions such as the light box, that she is really deliberating over you.

I'm sure there was connection to your T leaving and calling the pdoc. It gave you time and the impetus to continue working on your well-being. I'm glad she's willing to do some therapy with you too. I guess I don't fully understand the "only one T" rule -- I think two (or three, or four) heads are better than one. Why not get all the help you can?

I hope the meds start working for you soon. I'm glad you gave her a second chance. Sounds like it was worth it!

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) gardenergirl

Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 10:11:35

In reply to Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry), posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 3:46:49

I'm glad it went so much better this time! And good for you for speaking up. :)

It sounds like it's been a heck of a month. And you've been so stoic! I'd have been whining like heck. So you're going to stay where you are, meds-wise? Nardil at the dose you started?

It wouldn't surprise me at all if there were some connection between the time you called her and your therapist's absence. I have a tendency to do that too. I think I want to make sure I have some depth in my support team. That's one reason I hope my pdoc never releases me to my internist like my headache internist did, despite the fact that we rarely change meds.

I would never go against my therapist's prohibition about having two therapists, but if my pdoc or adjunct therapists had interesting input I don't think I'd make a big deal about silencing them, although I wouldn't of course encourage them. ;)

Perhaps she it is her experience that first time clients need a "hook" to keep them tuned in and coming back. Shock therapy. And when you let her know it wasn't helpful, she changed tack. That way she wouldn't be a pod person either time. (And as you told her, to some extent it worked.)

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) Aphrodite

Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 10:15:38

In reply to Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) gardenergirl, posted by Aphrodite on September 6, 2004, at 8:01:50

Aphrodite, a combination of meds that's right for *you* is a wonderful addition to therapy. While meds trials can sometimes (though not always) be unpleasant, so can leaving intense anxiety and agitation untreated. I'm really happy with my combo of average dose Klonopin and micro dose Depakote, with the less than a dozen a year "as needed" Risperdal for when I feel really really bad. Although I'm still depressed from time to time, to me it's a good compromise between medicating and not medicating, and it made therapy more effective, not less.

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry)

Posted by shrinking violet on September 6, 2004, at 11:00:51

In reply to Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 10:11:35

I'm glad things are going better, GG! I'm sorry, I must have missed the original post, but I'm happy that you got everything straightened out, and feel more settled with everything.

Be well.
Peace,
-SV

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) Dinah

Posted by Aphrodite on September 6, 2004, at 11:38:41

In reply to Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 10:15:38

You're absolutely right, Dinah. If the meds work, it could bring great relief, and I'm willing to try. My fear, though, is that I am in such a bad place right now that I feel I cannot afford any negative disruption. It seems lose-lose to me right now. :(

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry)

Posted by DaisyM on September 6, 2004, at 19:24:39

In reply to Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry), posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 3:46:49

I'm glad the first impression was wrong! She sounds like someone who can admit to being wrong, change tactics and be effective. This is rare.

You've had quite a month. I'm curious what a female pdoc said about your mother stuff...this is one of the toughest things we wade through, how I feel about my mother's expectations. I've wondered if a female Therapist would look at it differently.

Recently my therapist had me tell him all the amazing and wonderful things about my mother. The list is very long, including "she is a great shopper." He listened very closely and then said, "didn't you just describe how people describe you?" I protested that with her it was REAL...she wasn't just doing what she was supposed to, and she didn't feel like a fake all the time. SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS. He sat calmly through this tirade and then talked a lot about mothers and daughters. It wasn't that I didn't believe him, it was just that I wondered if you saw it differently if you've lived it.

Anyway...just curious. Thanks for the update.

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) Aphrodite

Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 20:32:06

In reply to Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) gardenergirl, posted by Aphrodite on September 6, 2004, at 8:01:50

It did turn out much better than I thought, and I'm glad about that. Although I have been on antidepressants on and off for many years, I have always sought them through my regular doctors. I was very nervous about seeing a pdoc, too. I intentionally tried to choose a woman doc, because I think I communicate better with them and they seem to have more empathy...ha ha based on first visit! I also had a limited choice because so many are not taking new clients.

I hope you have a good experience. What I have found is that being on medication helps me to do the deeper work that I need to do to get well. If I weren't on them, I think I would be too depressed to come to therapy sometimes, and I would probalby talk a lot on the surface. I think I would just say "I don't know" a lot, and wouldn't put as much effort into it. I hope that you have a good experience.

And yes, the water weight gain was very depressing!!! So much so that I didn't go to a concert last week that I go to EVERY YEAR! Arrrrggghhh! I just felt way too crappy.

About the 2 T rule...what they teach us in school is that often the relationship itself is a strong curative factor. Perhaps if therapy gets spread among too many team members, it dilutes the intensity of the relationship? Although this is a more psychodynamic approach. We'll see how it goes.

Good luck!
gg

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry)

Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 21:00:02

In reply to Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 10:11:35

> I'm glad it went so much better this time! And good for you for speaking up. :)
Thanks.

>
> It sounds like it's been a heck of a month. And you've been so stoic! I'd have been whining like heck. So you're going to stay where you are, meds-wise? Nardil at the dose you started?

I don't feel like I was stoic, but I suppose I did my whining in private or via IM and email. It did occur to me later..why didn't I post on this? But when I get depressed, I post less and less. Still read, but post less. Part of the ostrich withdrawal, I guess. Yeah, I'm at the moderate dose of Nardil I was at when I first saw her. Makes the whole month kind of aggravating. If I had never gone to see her, I'd have been fine! :)
>
> It wouldn't surprise me at all if there were some connection between the time you called her and your therapist's absence.

Yeah, my T was almost amused by this..."You mean you called her the SAME DAY we had our last session? RIGHT AFTER? And you say there is no connection?" Yeah yeah yeah.... I honestly never thought about it. Just was pleased with myself for finally getting the nerve to get around to it.

> Perhaps she it is her experience that first time clients need a "hook" to keep them tuned in and coming back. Shock therapy. And when you let her know it wasn't helpful, she changed tack. That way she wouldn't be a pod person either time. (And as you told her, to some extent it worked.)

Could be. Or maybe she was just struck by all the ways I do act more dependent. We hadn't gotten into the why's as much--the I come by it honestly thing. I know it really helps me to view it from that aspect so I don't get so self-critical. Perhaps she needs that for empathy, too? But maybe it's a hook. But wow, dangerous one. You don't want to drive them away! :)

And I really don't think she's a pod person. Funny though, she had just broken her toe that morning. Maybe she was just in pain....

Thanks for input.
gg

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) shrinking violet

Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 21:01:59

In reply to Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry), posted by shrinking violet on September 6, 2004, at 11:00:51

Thanks SV. The origin of this thread was more than a month ago...so it's been archived for awhile. Thanks for the well wishes. I wish them right back to you, too.
gg

 

Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry) DaisyM

Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 21:16:42

In reply to Re: Update on pdoc situation (longish, sorry), posted by DaisyM on September 6, 2004, at 19:24:39

> I'm glad the first impression was wrong! She sounds like someone who can admit to being wrong, change tactics and be effective. This is rare.

Yes, this is rare. I hope it's true and not just some fluke.
>
> You've had quite a month. I'm curious what a female pdoc said about your mother stuff...this is one of the toughest things we wade through, how I feel about my mother's expectations. I've wondered if a female Therapist would look at it differently.

Well, she said similar things. It felt a bit different though. It's hard to explain. Kind of like more credibility or like she might have gone through it too? I don't have that same experience with my T, but I do believe he understands. It's almost like being with someone who has had versus someone who knows about depression. There is just this instant connection that you know they have felt it, too? Although I could be completely projecting. and I do think that my instant dislike for her last time was a maternal transference thing going on. My mom is one to pass judgement via giving advice and feedback without accompanying empathy. It felt much better this time, although we were talking more about my mother and why she may not have been able to be a good enough mother rather than from my own pain. Kind of from a more compassionate and detached place rather than inside. It helped me to understand. My T has talked about this, too, but he always wants to redirect things back to me and my internals. But it helps me to feel better about things to know that my mom had a lot of her own stuff going on, and it goes way back. Sometimes I look at the family tree and wonder where it started and if I can break the depression cycle. But that's too deep to get into here...(door coming down...:)
>
> Recently my therapist had me tell him all the amazing and wonderful things about my mother. The list is very long, including "she is a great shopper." He listened very closely and then said, "didn't you just describe how people describe you?" I protested that with her it was REAL...she wasn't just doing what she was supposed to, and she didn't feel like a fake all the time. SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS. He sat calmly through this tirade and then talked a lot about mothers and daughters. It wasn't that I didn't believe him, it was just that I wondered if you saw it differently if you've lived it.

Hmmm, sounds like the experience I had with my T. You might be interested in Cokie Roberts' book "We are our Mothers' Daughters". I found it really interesting. Not so much a psychological book, but more from a cultural-historical perspective.
>

Thanks for your thoughts!

Warmly,
gg


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