Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 376562

Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

first post --- (and a bit about my T)

Posted by shrinking violet on August 11, 2004, at 19:44:56

Hi everyone,

I hope it's all right to post my first post on this board; I've been reading this particular board for a few days now, since I came across it via a search, and I identify very much with what many of you are/have experienced[-ing] with your therapists.

I'm a graduate student at a University. I started seeing a therapist for the first time last summer (eating disorder and subsequent anxiety, depression); I walked into the counseling center at school and was paired with the most genuine, caring, supportive, available T that I could have asked for. We've had a lot of hard times together (my inability to verbalize, --although, finally, I think I'm making some progress in that area -- my being put IP for two days so she and the rest of my treatment team could make themselves feel better, my defensiveness/anger, etc). Throughout everything though, we've somehow been able to develop a respect and caring for each other (perhaps some of it is transference, although I bristle at the term and I believe that our relationship goes beyond that, but that's another post...).

She tells me she cares for me, she tells me she thinks of me outside of the office and session, she's open and genuine, she has told me I'm "in her heart," she validates and talks about our relationship/connection (again, that's another topic....lol). She has her faults, she isn't "perfect" (who is?), she's made mistakes (and admitted them), but she's my T and I feel very lucky to have her.

And, maybe most importantly, she's put up with me for a year (not easy feat) and I'm very appreciative of that, and very fortunate to know her. She's pretty special.

Problem is, when I graduate (tentatively this December, although I'm thinking about extending it until next May, but I'm not sure she'd be allowed (or willing) to see me past December), I lose her, which already upsets me greatly (I know, that's another post too...).

Anyway, there's the general introduction.

Again, I apologize if this forum isn't appropriate for first posts.

Thanks for reading,
SV

 

Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T)

Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 11, 2004, at 20:13:15

In reply to first post --- (and a bit about my T), posted by shrinking violet on August 11, 2004, at 19:44:56

Hi,

Have you talked to the t about that transition processes? That is a very big deal. I am glad that you have such a great working relationship. That is so important.

P.S. Welcome to Babble World!

 

Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T) shrinking violet

Posted by gardenergirl on August 11, 2004, at 20:42:33

In reply to first post --- (and a bit about my T), posted by shrinking violet on August 11, 2004, at 19:44:56

Hi SV,
Welcome to Babble. This is fine to post a first post on a psychology topic. I just wanted to say that I also see a wonderful T at my university counseling center, I am also a grad student, and I also may have to take extra time. Wow, we already have a lot in common! I am going on the assumption that I will not be able to see my T once I finish. I know the Health and Counseling Center does not provide services for alumni, just registered students. And he does not have a separate private practice.

So I get teary thinking about how one day I might have to stop seeing him before I am ready. On the other hand, I might have naturally finished therapy before I finish school. But I do console myself that if I need extra time to graduate, that equals extra time with my T. :) Talk about dis-incentive to finish on time...

I'm glad you were able to form a connection with your T. That is very important. Thanks for introducing yourself.

Take care,
gg

 

Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T) shrinking violet

Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2004, at 20:46:03

In reply to first post --- (and a bit about my T), posted by shrinking violet on August 11, 2004, at 19:44:56

Hi and welcome. It sounds like you have a really terrific relationship with your therapist!

Have you talked to her about your concerns? It isn't too early to start preparing.

Feel free to jump in wherever you like, and start threads about any of those topics. :)

 

Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T) shrinking violet

Posted by mair on August 11, 2004, at 21:46:59

In reply to first post --- (and a bit about my T), posted by shrinking violet on August 11, 2004, at 19:44:56

As awful as it may be to have to address this issue, it sounds to me that you're one step ahead of the game because you have a therapist who seems to genuinely understand how much she means to you. I agree with what others have said - there's no reason why you can't raise this with her now.

This post was an excellent place to start. Welcome

mair

 

Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T)

Posted by crazymaisie on August 11, 2004, at 22:15:27

In reply to first post --- (and a bit about my T), posted by shrinking violet on August 11, 2004, at 19:44:56

hi sv

i'm new, too, it's such a great board, though, isn't it?

i definitely agree with what the others are saying, bring it up with her. i am having a similar experience (validation - oh and i hate the word 'transference', although there's plenty of valuable insight about it here) i brought it up with my T a while ago and she said we'll wait and see. maybe she shouldn't have said that, but it certainly has helped me to know i'm not crazy (as the name might suggest) and there is something there and that it's not entirely 'transference', but as long as it doesn't get in the way of therapy in the meantime, i'm happy with that. one way or the other, she should be able to give you a good answer that you can talk through. good luck.

 

Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T) shrinking violet

Posted by thewrite1 on August 11, 2004, at 23:50:49

In reply to first post --- (and a bit about my T), posted by shrinking violet on August 11, 2004, at 19:44:56

Welcome. What struck me most about your post is the fact that you may have to give up your T and it doesn't sound like you're ready to do that. Talk to her and try to work it out. I went through that with my T. I moved and blah, blah, blah, and it's totally been worth it that I go completely out of my way to see her. If you're not ready, the termination can be so much worse.

 

Re: first post --- Thank you!!

Posted by shrinking violet on August 12, 2004, at 14:08:23

In reply to first post --- (and a bit about my T), posted by shrinking violet on August 11, 2004, at 19:44:56

Ack, I just wrote out a response and then lost it.

Thank you all for the warm welcome.

I know I should bring this up with my T, but it's a hard subject to discuss, and I don't want to show her how scared I am of losing her, and how attached I am to her, and how much she means to me (she probably knows on some level, but I still don't want to show it and come across as needy, etc). She's said that she hopes I will email/write to her and let her know how I'm doing, but it won't be the same as seeing her or hearing her voice. I feel like I'm losing two people: my T, and a person I genuinely care about. No longer feeling the connection we share when we're together will be very hard, also. I'm also somewhat scared for myself, because I know I won't find another T once I leave her (for a lot of reasons) but I also know I'll need one. *sigh*

Thank you all again. And hugs to those who have or are experiencing a similar situation; it's hard being "ripped" from a T before you're ready. :(

 

Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T) gardenergirl

Posted by shrinking violet on August 12, 2004, at 14:24:27

In reply to Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T) shrinking violet, posted by gardenergirl on August 11, 2004, at 20:42:33

GG--

Wow, we do have a lot of similarities...

It's good that you know you'd be able to see your T until you graduate, even if you extend your time (of course, you wouldn't extend graduation *just* to keep seeing your T, would you? *wink, wink*). I'm not sure whether I will or not; I'm assuming I wouldn't, but I'm not sure, and I'm afraid to ask her right out in case she says no (and then I'll wonder if it's because of policy, or because she doesn't want to).

My T is an Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW), and she doesn't have a private practice either. I think she'd do well in private, though, because she seems to prefer the depth and richness of her older/graduate students (rather than mostly "surface issues" with the undergrads). But, she's probably set where she is, at least in the foreseeable future.

I do hope you feel that you have finished treatment before you graduate; at least that may help with the separation a bit, and at least remove the feelings of prematurity. I know that isn't a possibility for me, though, so it's going to be very difficult. If I had known this would happen, I would have steered clear of therapy at school all together.

Anyway, thanks again, and good luck -- I hope it all works out for you, in whatever way is best.

-SV


> Hi SV,
> Welcome to Babble. This is fine to post a first post on a psychology topic. I just wanted to say that I also see a wonderful T at my university counseling center, I am also a grad student, and I also may have to take extra time. Wow, we already have a lot in common! I am going on the assumption that I will not be able to see my T once I finish. I know the Health and Counseling Center does not provide services for alumni, just registered students. And he does not have a separate private practice.
>
> So I get teary thinking about how one day I might have to stop seeing him before I am ready. On the other hand, I might have naturally finished therapy before I finish school. But I do console myself that if I need extra time to graduate, that equals extra time with my T. :) Talk about dis-incentive to finish on time...
>
> I'm glad you were able to form a connection with your T. That is very important. Thanks for introducing yourself.
>
> Take care,
> gg

 

Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T) shrinking violet

Posted by gardenergirl on August 12, 2004, at 18:37:22

In reply to Re: first post --- (and a bit about my T) gardenergirl, posted by shrinking violet on August 12, 2004, at 14:24:27

(of course, you wouldn't extend graduation *just* to keep seeing your T, would you? *wink, wink*).

Ha ha, not consciously, anyway...and hopefully he would challenge me if I am unconsciously doing that. :)

>I'm not sure whether I will or not; I'm assuming I wouldn't, but I'm not sure, and I'm afraid to ask her right out in case she says no (and then I'll wonder if it's because of policy, or because she doesn't want to).

I know that feeling of being afraid to ask because of the potential answer. It's good to know that ahead of time instead of being blindsided. But you could always ask her why as well...
> I do hope you feel that you have finished treatment before you graduate; at least that may help with the separation a bit, and at least remove the feelings of prematurity. I know that isn't a possibility for me, though, so it's going to be very difficult. If I had known this would happen, I would have steered clear of therapy at school all together.

Thanks for the nice wish. You know, I was thinking that you could talk to your T about your relationship with her in the context of preparing for termination. Perhaps she could refer you to someone outside if needed. That process, preparing for termination and/or transfer is not something that should happen in just one session unless it's very short term therapy, i.e 8 sessions or so. Maybe that context would feel safer for you than just the relationship itself?
>
> Anyway, thanks again, and good luck -- I hope it all works out for you, in whatever way is best.
>

You too!

Take care,
gg
>
>


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