Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 366344

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transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER**

Posted by toomuchpain on July 14, 2004, at 23:06:33

hey all i kno it has been awhile .. i havent posted cus the last time i posted i didnt get much response and sorta kinda got upset about that but i am over it now and back to try again with another problem ...

ok my former t is a male and u guys know much about him and that sitution.... my new therapist is a women ... i am havin a huge problem openin up to her ,, ic ant seem to say anythin about how feel or what i need out of therpy all i can say is that i dont like u and want my old t back even though that is now possiable ..... she gets mad and sayd u kno that cant happen so stop wanting it ... i cant help help what the heart wants cus as all of u kno the heart wants what the heart wants .... i broke down and called my former t while blood was runnin down my arm due to cuttin intensly ... he did calm me and down and got me to stop cuttin which i am thankful for!!! he told me he still cared and that no matter what he will be here for me and that he is willin to speak to me in person ...which i really want to do cus with out him i am miserable!!!!

after everything i went through because him .. i shouldnt be yearning for him and cryin for him.. when he picked up his phone it seem to all fade away.. all my emotion just rushed from horriably wantin to die to so so so happy bein alive feelin cared about again ... i guess i really dont understand what is going on can anyone else try to see what is going on and give me some advice or insight


Re: transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER** toomuchpain

Posted by rs on July 15, 2004, at 5:57:20

In reply to transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER**, posted by toomuchpain on July 14, 2004, at 23:06:33

I am sorry that you are hurting. Good for you that you reached out for what you needed at the time. I understand. I lost my T a few years ago due to him moving. It hurt much. Could not have any contact with him. I did meet a new T who is really really good. Better in some ways. We talked about old T and he thought and still thinks its ok to call him once in awhile. A few months ago I did and he returend call. Felt so so comforting to hear his voice. After the years he stilled remembered me and said I could call. Anyway you know again This t is much better but when I am hurting much I want to hear my old T voice. I do not know why but the need is strong. So I just want you to know I understand. I hope that it gets better for you. Is there a reason why you had to change for another T? Not sure if I missed your posts along the way. Sorry if I did. Thoughts are with you.


Re: transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER** toomuchpain

Posted by fallsfall on July 15, 2004, at 7:51:36

In reply to transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER**, posted by toomuchpain on July 14, 2004, at 23:06:33


I wish it didn't hurt so much.

You HAVE to stay away from your old therapist. I hate to say that when he does bring you comfort, but you really HAVE to stay away from him. He has *proven* (before the committee of his peers) that he is not able to put your best interests first. He is dangerous to you.

Now. Your new therapist...

>she gets mad and sayd u kno that cant happen so stop wanting it

I'm really hoping that this is not what she is intending you to hear. I know that there have been so many times when I thought my therapist was angry - but he really wasn't. There have been so many times when I've told him what I "heard" him say and he looks at me like I have 3 heads and says "Where did you hear that? That's not what I said." I don't know if you have this same problem or not, but I strongly suggest that you read that quote to her so that she knows how you are interpretting her behavior and words. I'm really hoping that what you heard is not what she meant.

If this *is* what she meant then you need to tell her why you can't "just stop wanting it" - or tell her *that* you can't "just stop wanting it". If she can't understand that this is difficult, and if she can't give you some help on this then I would advise you to keep explaining to her until she understand that you need help with this.

(gee, can you tell that I am embroiled in a battle with my therapist? I have a need which he is refusing to help me with. I can't really say (yet) that my methods are productive, though, so you might want to take my advice with a grain of salt...)

If I remember correctly, this newest therapist did seem helpful at the beginning. I guess you need to work out WITH HER if her "unhelpfulness" right now is a purposeful strategy of hers, a misunderstanding between the two of you, an error of hers etc.

Because of my own crisis now, I am often not able to respond to posts - please know that this is not because I don't care.


Re: transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER**

Posted by partlycloudy on July 15, 2004, at 8:56:28

In reply to Re: transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER** toomuchpain, posted by fallsfall on July 15, 2004, at 7:51:36

(((too much pain))) I don't often know what to say on this board! but let me try. When I seem to be getting off on the wrong foot with my T or we seem to be working at cross-purposes, I get really frustrated that she doesn't seem to be listening to what I say. This gets us going on tangents that go nowhere and I can get steamed into silence. What I've tried - because I think it's as much my fault as hers - is if she doesn't seem to "get" what I'm saying, I try to rephrase or say parrot back to her what she has said. That usually makes it very clear that we're talking about two different things or that what I've said has been misunderstood.

I had one T who NEVER seemed to understand me - we played 20 questions for weeks and weeks before I suggested that perhaps I'd get a better result with another T. He agreed and that was that.

With my present T, even though we get along great and communicate well, sometimes we still read each other incorrectly. It's a place to release your frustrations, anger, and pain - if it's directed at your T, so be it. It's no less valid.


Re: transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER**

Posted by Joslynn on July 18, 2004, at 19:52:45

In reply to Re: transference or not? ***MAY TRIGGER**, posted by partlycloudy on July 15, 2004, at 8:56:28

TMP- I am sorry this is still causing pain. I really do wish that your former therp would follow the rules that his board set for him. Does calling him make you feel better long term or just for short term?

Sometimes it does take a lot of searching to find the right fit.

When you say your new therapist gets upset about the things you say, what does she say/do exactly? Is she doing it in a scolding, judgmental way or do you think it is because she doesn't want to see you in pain? I wouldn't want you to think you have to censor yourself around your own therapist.

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