Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 364350

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Hug your children

Posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 9, 2004, at 10:05:08

While discussing a dream in therapy yesterday, (I dreamed I cut my arms off), I told my T that my father has never hugged me. While he knows my father is the main source of my psychological problems and that he was emotionally neglectful, he was almost shocked to hear this news.

I never thought about it before. I assumed all fathers were like this. My T said even monkeys need a certain amount of hugs to grow and become healthy adults.

I guess I just want to tell everyone to hug their children often. Hug your nieces, nephews, neighborhood children, eachother, whatever. Children need hugs, adults need hugs.

I get plenty of hugs from my husband, but what I wouldn't give for just one from my dad. This will never happen however.

 

((((((((((Miss Honeychurch)))))))))))) (nm)

Posted by gardenergirl on July 9, 2004, at 10:16:03

In reply to Hug your children, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 9, 2004, at 10:05:08

 

Re: Hug your children Miss Honeychurch

Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 11:52:55

In reply to Hug your children, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 9, 2004, at 10:05:08

I'm sorry, Miss Honeychurch.

I'm a big hugger with my son, but for the life of me, I don't recall if my family hugged when I was little or not. I know they didn't when I was older because I remember the attempted and truly awful feeling forced and fake hugs when someone was leaving on a trip.

I think I would also question whether people really hugged or not, back in those days. I think I see a lot more of it now. But my therapist tells me a lot of things I thought were normal really aren't.

((((Miss Honeychurch))))

 

Re: Hug your children Miss Honeychurch

Posted by daisym on July 9, 2004, at 12:04:06

In reply to Hug your children, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 9, 2004, at 10:05:08

Your post made me so sad. I'm sorry you missed out on those hugs as a child, and now. He missed out too...

This makes me appreciate one of the qualities of my husband...he always hugs my boys. When they were babies, I would be jealous of how much held them...I wanted my turn!

I'm not a big hugger. (Ok, that's an understatement. My staff has a joke about how much I hate to be touched!) Some of my family is, and I find it very uncomfortable. My best friend is one of those hug everyone in the world people and I've always wanted to be at ease with touching like she is. I hug my kids and I hug the children I work with.

And I cyber hug really well!

(((Miss Honey)))

 

Re: Hug your children

Posted by B2chica on July 9, 2004, at 12:55:20

In reply to Hug your children, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 9, 2004, at 10:05:08

>>I guess I just want to tell everyone to hug their children often. Hug your nieces, nephews, neighborhood children, eachother, whatever. Children need hugs, adults need hugs.

You know as much as many people KNOW this (think they know this). it is something that NEEDS to be said and said often!
hugs Are so very very important.
i have a weird kind of touch issue. it goes along with trust i think. i do NOT like to be touched at ALL by people, except by exclusive "friends or acceptable family" then i like hugs and lots of them. (especially from the guys-they seem to hug better).
I adore my niece and nephews and i hug them all whenever i can. but sometimes i feel so needy cuz i love being held by my husband and many times he sighs and gives me one of those "ok, there you go" kind of hugs, or i'll run up to hug him and he actually blocks or pushes me away. it really hurts to get pushed away, especially by the one person you expect to be loved by. but pathetic me keeps going back for more.

Thank you Miss Honey for saying this LOUD AND CLEAR!!

b2c.

 

awwwww. miss honey...

Posted by karen_kay on July 9, 2004, at 12:55:40

In reply to Hug your children, posted by Miss Honeychurch on July 9, 2004, at 10:05:08

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((miss honey)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry if it's lopsided. if i were there, i'd give you the biggest hug you've ever had in your life, i promise!!!!!

when i see my nieces, i make it a point to hug them, and always touch their hair. i really do love them so much. i always tuck them in if i stay the night and read them bed-time stories. thank you for reminding me how very important it is to continue doing so. i'm so very sorry you don't get what you need from your father. this makes me very sad. but, i'm very happy you do get this from your husband dear. hold onto that. take care of yourself miss honey. and remember how very special you are dear. ((((miss honey)))) i really would give you a hug so big you would lose your breath for a moment (don't you doubt that for a second!). take care miss honey, and thank you again for the reminder. i'll be even better at giving hugs, i promise! i remember once reminding my sister about the importance of physical contant with children. i'll remind her again!

take care miss honey and please do remember how very much we love you here, ok? (another small hug) (((miss honey)))

 

miss honey - hugs

Posted by cubic_me on July 15, 2004, at 7:36:35

In reply to awwwww. miss honey..., posted by karen_kay on July 9, 2004, at 12:55:40

It's definately good to be reminded sometimes.

My dad has never hugged me, and my mother has hugged me only twice since I was small (I'm in my 20s now).

I feel really uncomfortable giving and recieving hugs from anyone other than my boyfriend - I'd go as far as saying I hate doing it, but I realise that it makes other people feel good if I show them affection, so I try my hardest to do it (and I'll try even harder with my children!)


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