Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 364059

Shown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

disturbing dream means???***possible trigger***

Posted by B2chica on July 8, 2004, at 12:15:18

i wasn't sure where to post this, but because of what it contains i've decided here instead of social but Dr.Bob may think otherwise.

i had a disturbing dream last night. I'm sure it means just that i've had this on my mind lately. but...it's still bothering me. I had a dream that my boss called me into his office and, well he put his hands down my pants and started grabbing me-first in the back part then, well then the front, and to get graphic his fingers went places. the whole time i was just frozen, i couldn't move, i just couldn't believe it was him doing this. When i woke up i was shocked. My boss is close to retirement age, and Great guy and i am in no way attracted to him, and we do have a really good relationship.
I get the frozen part cuz one of my issues regarding what i've been talking to my T about (why i don't think what happened to me was really r*** is because i froze up and didn't even fight back...i f@#King froze up.) so i'm guessing that's why my response in the dream was like that. but now i'm afraid i might act all weird around my boss.
Does this mean i secretly Want this to happen? from him or someone else? or that my mind's telling me that i didn't hate this happening to me IRL by persons when i was growing up-since that's been on my mind? that i...that i liked it? (as my stomach churns saying that).
this dream has just really shaken me up, and maybe it's just the timing. but it's really bothering me and don't understand it, can anyone relate?

confused and concerned b2c.

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger***

Posted by shadows721 on July 8, 2004, at 13:46:55

In reply to disturbing dream means???***possible trigger***, posted by B2chica on July 8, 2004, at 12:15:18

It sounds like some of your memory content is coming up in your dreams. I've had this too.

Your freezing is a totally normal response. It was a shock. Like, "What the H** is this person doing to me"? The Boss represents the abuser. He was in a position of power. He overstepped his boundaries and yours.

No, you didn't want this to happen. A child doesn't do things like this. You didn't even know of such a thing existed. He DID and he crossed that line. Children blame themselves for adults actions. They internalize the shame that the abuser SHOULD have. Adults take advantage of children and not the other way around. Abusers like to twist it to that the children made them do it. They never want to be accountable for these sick deeds.

What this person did to you was wrong, B2. You were a child. Children don't make adults do things like this. The body responds to touch. Children love to be held and talked to, but not this! This is abuse. The freezing tells you it was. Your body spoke loud and clear with the freezing by saying, "He is doing something really bad to me."

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger***

Posted by shadows721 on July 8, 2004, at 13:58:30

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger***, posted by shadows721 on July 8, 2004, at 13:46:55

B2,

I just wanted to add something. I know this all feels awful. There is a strong part of you that wants you to know the truth of what happened to you. That's why this is happening. One part is saying, "No!" and the other is saying, "I want you to know the truth." That part of you doesn't want life to go on as usual. They want you to know what really happened and they no it was wrong. That's why they are showing you the pictures, giving you the feelings of freezing at night, the emotions, etc. They (the part that remembers and never forgot) are making this happen. They can't hold all this pain down anymore for anyone or anything. They have to get it out of their system.

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**

Posted by B2chica on July 8, 2004, at 15:47:41

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger***, posted by shadows721 on July 8, 2004, at 13:46:55

First Shadows, i want to say Thanks for responding. i was just about to ask Dr.Bob if he could remove my post. the more i thought about it, i was really embarrased that i even posted it and wanted to delete it.
...i'm glad i didn't.

>>It sounds like some of your memory content is coming up in your dreams. I've had this too.

it's kind of uneasy... wondering what i'm going to remember next about a life that's supposed to be mine.

>>Your freezing is a totally normal response. It was a shock. Like, "What the H** is this person doing to me"? The Boss represents the abuser. He was in a position of power. He overstepped his boundaries and yours.

-your phrase is Exactly what i was thinking! "what the H***?"
-i just don't understand why EVERYTime in my life i've needed to respond and push people away and say/scream NOOOO! i've frozen. FROZEN and things happened over and over again. WHY? i KNOW it was wrong, sometimes it hurt, and i didn't want things happening, but i couldn't,no, DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!
-i'm so glad you can't see my blubbering mess right now. i'm just falling apart all over again.

>>No, you didn't want this to happen.

sometimes Shadows i wonder. that maybe that's why i would freeze. that, somewhere inside...i..wanted or encouraged things?? and that's why it wasn't just a one-time thing. cuz if you encourage things they continue. I loved this person So Much, i really looked up to him, i always trusted him, that he would never hurt me, he's suppposed to take care of me, so what going on must be ok. He just has this incredible power over me like i'll do anything he asks, and the few times i did say no or if it really hurt he'd just say "just a little more". GOD, that phrase echos on Forever!!!! I HATE THAT SENTENCE!!! he...NOONE EVER LISTENED TO ME!!!!!
-so WHY?????? why did i do those things he wanted?

i'm so sorry Shadows. i think i shouldn't be bugging you folks here about this...i know i need to talk to my T about all this. i'm so sorry.

Shadows, again, THANK you so very much for you response. It just seems like it's getting worse and that is making it SO much harder to juggle life, you know? these days pain is constant in my mind, in my memories. if it's not one memory(pain from one person) it's another.
How do you do it. I'm trying, taking "one day at a time". but like right now i just want to check my self into a psych ward and throw away the key forever! i feel like Everyone around me would be SO MUCH better off if i was just locked up somewhere so they wouldn't have to deal with me, and so i could be left alone to deal instead of having to "put on the happy face" all the time.
B2c.

 

About freezing B2chica

Posted by gardenergirl on July 8, 2004, at 15:59:29

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on July 8, 2004, at 15:47:41

B2C,
If you think of animals' behavior when they are threatened, some fight back, some flee, and some freeze. Think of the rabbit in the lawn who stays very still hoping you don't notice it. And finally when it thinks you did or you get too close, it runs away. Freezing is an adaptive behavior for the rabbit if you don't notice it. It can stay close to its food source or nest.

I freeze, too. It really, really bugs me. I think it is tied up in always wanting to be a "good little girl". A good girl wouldn't fight back certainly. She wants to be loved, and part of her still wants that love from whoever is threatening her, so she wouldn't flee. Freezing is a way to try not to be noticed. And to pretend, in a way perhaps, that it is not happening.

On some level, freezing is an adaptive response, and one that probably worked successfully in the past. That's why we would tend to do it now. If it worked in some meaningful way in the past, we keep doing it even if it is no longer appropriate. It's maladaptive at this point, but that doesn't make it a crazy or pointless behavior.

But I suppose it can be unlearned. I've often thought I should take a women's self defense course. Mostly to get over my freezing and inhibitions towards action.

Please don't beat yourself up over freezing whether in your dream or in real life. In some cases, it actually may keep you alive.

Take care,
gg

 

Re: About freezing

Posted by B2chica on July 8, 2004, at 16:15:44

In reply to About freezing B2chica, posted by gardenergirl on July 8, 2004, at 15:59:29

Thanks GG.

>>I freeze, too. It really, really bugs me. I think it is tied up in always wanting to be a "good little girl". A good girl wouldn't fight back certainly. She wants to be loved, and part of her still wants that love from whoever is threatening her, so she wouldn't flee.

-i was Certainly raised that i Must be a "good little girl" and listen to my caregivers.

>>Freezing is a way to try not to be noticed. And to pretend, in a way perhaps, that it is not happening.

I remember that i would pretend it wasn't happening. i would close my eyes and hear a song in my head knowing it would be over soon. Music saved me. I think that's why i have such a deep connection with it now. it takes me away, it helps me, it always has.

Thank you for your kind words GG.
b2c.

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**

Posted by shadows721 on July 8, 2004, at 18:04:27

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**, posted by B2chica on July 8, 2004, at 15:47:41

B2,

I know what you are saying about posts. I feel embarrassed a lot about my posting. I say things and then I think, "Darn, I shouldn't have said that." I think it was very brave on your part to post what you did. Trust me, you are far from alone in this.

I have those dreams just about every week now. Sometimes, I am literally running in the grass and I see that ***'s shadow behind me or I feel my breath cut off for a second from a blow. It's all just terrifying!

B2, you are right in the middle of it. I have my waves or crashes. When I 1st started dealing with it, I didn't know what to do. So, I wrote down everything. I thought I was going to die and I wanted someone to know. Now, I have literally binders full of pictures that were drawn like stick figures by child. Oh, it's a nightmare.

I was hospitalized in the beginning. I thought it was one memory that was trying to emerge. I was wrong. That was over 8 yrs ago and I still have that stuff come up. I made it thru nursing school with the flashbacks. I guess the maniques triggered me. I don't know, but everything did. I would look at a man and see him. I was a walking trigger.

I can imagine how you feel. It is just awful. The feelings thing is like a roller coster that you want to get the heck off of forever.

That freezing thing is like GG said. I did it and still do. I am trying to unlearn that. B2, children love their caregivers and they want to appease them. They will do whatever they say to get that love back. It's okay that you loved the abuser. That is normal. I loved mine too. I thought he was beautiful. You can love someone, but hate what they did.

As far as I am doing today, I have a really difficult time with dissociation now. I didn't in the beginning, but now I do. I hear music, kids talking, comments out of the blue, see shadows, etc. It's all in my dreams. I had one earlier about a girl looking at me, but not saying my words. It's all apart of this process.

 

ideas

Posted by shortelise on July 8, 2004, at 19:40:27

In reply to disturbing dream means???***possible trigger***, posted by B2chica on July 8, 2004, at 12:15:18

A beloved person is not supposed to do harm.

A child abused will be shocked. She won't know how to react. Here is a person whom she loves, who is supposed to love her, but who is doing something very hurtful. She wants to please, but is getting hurt. What should she do? What can she do? She needs this person emotionally, doesn't know what to do, doesn't know she has choices!! She is in an untenable position. She doesn't know what to do so she just freezes.

Abusers don't give choices.

Could your dream be helpful in looking at your feelings at the time of the abuse? Are you also frozen in your feelings of that time? Are you looking at yourself as the small defenseless person you were back then, or are you blaming yourself as you might have then? That poor child that was you! I feel so sorry for that child. I think she deserves to be understood, not blamed.

I guess sometimes we have to climb back into feelings and feel them in order to resolve them.

Shorte

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger** shadows721

Posted by B2chica on July 9, 2004, at 12:02:45

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**, posted by shadows721 on July 8, 2004, at 18:04:27

>>I know what you are saying about posts. I feel embarrassed a lot about my posting... Trust me, you are far from alone in this.

I really do appreciate the reassurance here Shadows. sometimes i feel like a complete freak posting the things i do. it is nice to hear that others feel the same way. You all just sound so clear and assured in your posts.


>>I have those dreams just about every week now. Sometimes, I am literally running in the grass and I see that ***'s shadow behind me.

I see a lot of shadows to sometimes in dreams, but a lot when i'm awake, and when i'm driving i see them. do you do this? or am i really wigging out?

> B2, you are right in the middle of it. I have my waves or crashes.

i sure am glad to have someone understand shadows, i just feel really alone right now. and these memories are making me want to withdraw even more.

>>I made it thru nursing school with the flashbacks.

I think i really needed to hear this. i have one class left before i get my masters and i've already had to put it off one semester, i could have graduated in august but all this...i just hope i can complete it to graduate in dec.

>>They will do whatever they say to get that love back. It's okay that you loved the abuser. That is normal. I loved mine too.

this makes me love you shadows. You really make me feel better about all this. sometimes it just feels surreal, like all of a sudden i wonder who's life this really is?

> As far as I am doing today, I have a really difficult time with dissociation now.

-sorry for being dumb here but could you clarify what you mean by dissociation?

Thanks S.
b2c.

 

your right Shorte, 'she' thanks you. (nm) shortelise

Posted by B2chica on July 9, 2004, at 12:41:58

In reply to ideas, posted by shortelise on July 8, 2004, at 19:40:27

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**

Posted by antigua on July 9, 2004, at 17:07:17

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger** shadows721, posted by B2chica on July 9, 2004, at 12:02:45

I, too, froze up and when I'm trying to work through it now I still freeze up. I thought if I made myself so still and small, he would forget I was there and I could disappear.

I know now that my pattern was to freeze up and once I got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore, I would simply float away, up to the ceiling and just watch what was happening. I laughed at the girl who was having this done to her because I had escaped. In essence, I disassociated when it became too difficult to handle.

GG is right--it's a natural human action to respond to fear by fight, flight or freeze. I'm still angry that I didn't fight, and I couldn't get away, so I froze. I wish I could have fought, though, but I know that I was actually pretty defenseless.

So you're doing the right things. It's just so hard when it all tumbles out together.

Hang in there,
antigua

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**

Posted by shadows721 on July 9, 2004, at 17:43:22

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger** shadows721, posted by B2chica on July 9, 2004, at 12:02:45

It's really hard to explain this dissociation in words, but I will give a try. It feels like spacing (day dreaming) gone out of control. It feels like what's in front of me may turn into a blank room at any minute. When in conversation, my mind "locks" up. I try to talk, but nothing comes out or a voice foreign sounding talks about something else.

I feel like the abuse hack sawed my mind into pieces. I have horrible headaches and dizziness. Lately, my hair is falling out and my gums have been getting sores. My pdoc says it's stress from the litigation going into digging into my abuse psych records. I lay down and I feel like I am in another room and people are talking sometimes about me or what I have been doing. I hope this makes sense, B2. It's very difficult to explain. I loose train of thought easily. Sometimes, it feels like time is going to fast and then it's going to slow. It's all just my mind doing all this. There's a lot of confusion in my head. It's funny to hear you say I sound together. A lot of people tell me that, but it's like a house of horrors in my head. I struggle to stay grounded in the present and focused on what people are saying. Sometimes, my hearing actually changes too. I can't hear and then everything is too loud. This all doesn't sound like it makes sense, but it's all the aftermath of trauma. For me, the trauma didn't just effect my memory banks, but the way my mind works. What worked years ago is a handicap in an adult world. I have to recheck my posts before submitting them, because they will have words unrelated thrown in a sentence and it will not make sense. I have to work 2x as hard to get somewhere as someone else mentally. Sometimes, words that someone uses sound totally foreign. I have to ask what do they mean. It's as if I am hearing that word for the 1st time. Part of mind, may be hearing it for the first time. Gosh, this all sounds strange, but it is the truth.

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger** shadows721

Posted by B2chica on July 10, 2004, at 14:45:53

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**, posted by shadows721 on July 9, 2004, at 17:43:22

I've wanted to use this term "dissociation" before to describe what i was experiencing but then i thought it ment like DID and that's not it for me. But EXACTLY like what you describe. it starts as a fog, heavy and it's like i become trapped in my head (like you said you "lock up") typically i can hear people talk to me but i can't respond some times i feel like i'm slowly going to tip over but can't do anything about it, can't move (and don't want to) everything's blurry (but i like it like that), then sometimes people say stuff (or said they asked stuff) that i don't hear. normally saying my name louder than normal will snap me out. I can't control when this happens but it feels like i welcome it when it does. I think it normally kicks off when someone mentions something and my mind starts to take me a place i'm not ready to go so i do this. Sometimes it feels like no one can see me, like i'm hiding/invisible or something. I guess that helps me feel safe??

also, that Time thing can Really freak me out. Sometimes when i come home i have a LOT of anxiety or sickness in my stomach thinking of things so i go to my room just to listen to some music and sit and think. i curl up and start to think about things (let's say it's 6 or 6:30ish) then after-what i think are just a few songs- i look at the clock and it's 9:30 or 10:00. i can't help but wonder WHERE I've BEEN??? i didn't seem to think about that many things? it's just a really weird feeling.

>>It's really hard to explain this dissociation in words, but I will give a try. It feels like spacing (day dreaming) gone out of control. It feels like what's in front of me may turn into a blank room at any minute. When in conversation, my mind "locks" up. I try to talk, but nothing comes out or a voice foreign sounding talks about something else.
>>I hope this makes sense, B2.

Perfect sense!

>>It's very difficult to explain. I loose train of thought easily. Sometimes, it feels like time is going to fast and then it's going to slow. There's a lot of confusion in my head.
I struggle to stay grounded in the present and focused on what people are saying.

I ALWAYS loose train of thought, mostly it's difficult to follow anyone's conversation for more than 30 seconds cuz my mind wonders/scatters. My pdoc says that's cuz of my ADHD, but the meds haven't seemed to fix that.

>>Sometimes, my hearing actually changes too. I can't hear and then everything is too loud.

i have this happen alot, i NEVER thought of it being related. sometimes Everything is so loud, i try to shut off everything but still the smallest sound seems to be high. Lucky for me i have access to several sound booths, sometimes i sneak in for a breather, what's funny is even when there's "nothing" you can hear your body. you actually can hear everything from heatbeat to bloodflow, so we can never be in absolute silence unless we obtain and actual inner ear hearing loss.

>>Sometimes, words that someone uses sound totally foreign. I have to ask what do they mean. It's as if I am hearing that word for the 1st time.

OMG. i thought i was the ONLY ONE that did this...sometimes i can be writing something up and simple words SIMPLE words like "what", i remember looking at that and saying that is just NOT spelled right, and it's like i forget what it means, LITERALLY! i have to think and think on them-what they mean and if i'm using them right and if i'm spelling them right all the time. these everyday words i Truly get stuck on! (I've only ever told ONE person that before cuz i feel SO incredibly stupid for that!) I can't believe that can be related to all this other stuff.

Shadows...i hesitated in telling this but i will say it.
i have been so distraught all morning. tired of it all. i was ready to call my T and cancel all the rest of my appt. and...i brought two bottles of pills here to work, i was going to finish up with the video i'm working on and down them. Everythings been getting worse, worse memories, my close friend (the only one i really have) will probably be leaving in a month (school reasons but i need to encourage him to go), my T i don't think understands or get's me or ever will, and my husband always seems to critique me. EVERYTHING i do is wrong. this morning he was going on about how he can't believe i use so much toilet paper! TP! talk about being a major F@#k-up! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!!! Then of course work is getting more and more pressured and i just don't have time to do it all, or the mind to figure it all out let alone organize it. Everyone seems to think i'm "back to normal", but inside i'm just as bad off as i was months ago right before i went into the hospital.
I just...i just don't think i can do this alone anymore. My best friend in the whole wide world has been dead for 3 1/2 years and i'm ready to be with him again.

-after reading the similarities, i don't feel...so utterly alone...quite such the dissapointment right now. So i've put the pills back in my purse for now..who knows, maybe another day, but i don't think i'll do it today.
i wish i could hold you shadows, for all you've been through. i am so sorry you've gone through all this. But i can't help but be So thankful to meet someone that knows...
thnx.
b2c.

 

Re: book recommendation for dissociative disorders B2chica

Posted by zenhussy on July 10, 2004, at 15:14:53

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger** shadows721, posted by B2chica on July 10, 2004, at 14:45:53

Dr. Bob knows why I do not use his double double quote feature so that is why I include the ISBN number so you can cut and paste it into whatever bookshop you would like to give your business to. Better yet use your local library!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
B2C,

"The Myth of Sanity" by Martha Stout
ISBN: 0142000558

This book is one that describes the various states of dissociation. Yes the book includes one end of the spectrum with DID but it also goes to the other end where most people drive to work and when the arrive they can't remember how they got there type of thing.

There are so many ways of dissociating. It is a defense/coping mechanism that we are all born with. So to utilize it to a greater extent than most just shows how much of a survivor you are.

Good luck.
--zh

 

thnx, i'll check it out. (nm) zenhussy

Posted by B2chica on July 10, 2004, at 16:14:26

In reply to Re: book recommendation for dissociative disorders B2chica, posted by zenhussy on July 10, 2004, at 15:14:53

 

Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**

Posted by shadows721 on July 10, 2004, at 16:23:20

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger** shadows721, posted by B2chica on July 10, 2004, at 14:45:53

B2,

These symptoms are isolating. I don't think people who don't have these symptoms may fully understand. No, you are not alone at all. But, these symptoms sure make us feel that way.

I have had docs that don't know about dissociation say, "That is interesting." I
hate that when they say that. It's disabling! It's lonely! It's not interesting to me. It feels like I am stuck with a bad stick shift for a brain. Everyone else is using an automatic.

I don't know why, but I feel compelled to say the following warnings about the internet>

I had on one board a woman that was wanting to put my words and dreams into her book! I was stunned. I said, "H*ll no woman". "No, one is going to make money off of my suffering". I have taken a lot of risks even on this board. I think more read posts than reply. But, that's just a gut feeling thing going on here. I think there way more out there with these symptoms.

This is a warning too about people on the internet. On another place, I told a woman on PM the place my abuser lived and told her to never even drive by there. Her family lived in the area. Oh, big mistake. The next time I talked to her she told me that she and her cousins drove by his home. I was beyond hurt. My point don't ever give out the name, address or anything that can link out information about your abuser (if living).

Another time, I became quite close to someone on the internet. I thought he was my friend. He was a total hoax. Everything he said about himself was a total lie. Another person on the internet that he was friends with had him checked out. I was devestated. I really liked this person. He didn't have to make up so many lies about himself. I was really hurt.

---------------end of warnings-----------------

I like to protect, B2. So, I hope that my lessons will not be repeated by anyone. Any how, thank you so much for the kind words, B2. I do appreciate them. I would love to have a friend on the outside of this computer screen. It's very lonely living with these symptoms like this.

 

thank you, Zen. I haven't read that one. (nm)

Posted by shadows721 on July 10, 2004, at 16:24:50

In reply to thnx, i'll check it out. (nm) zenhussy, posted by B2chica on July 10, 2004, at 16:14:26

 

Re: disturbing... shadows721

Posted by B2chica on July 10, 2004, at 17:15:46

In reply to Re: disturbing dream means???***possible trigger**, posted by shadows721 on July 10, 2004, at 16:23:20

"that's interesting"?? that's really what they said??
UNBELIEVABLE!
i've never brought it up, but i actually did it once in his office when i was just starting with him. I snapped out when he was saying my name (though i don't know how many times he said it) i think he asked me something but i just started talking about what i last remembered-i don't think it was right but he never said anything contrary.

>>I don't know why, but I feel compelled to say the following warnings about the internet>

I can't believe someone would WANT to make $$ off anyones situations here. it's insulting. we're not some characters in a play! we don't write our own scripts (believe me they'd be different!)-they shouldn't make it into one!

i do agree that i think a lot more read than write, i mean i was one of those...i was reading for about three/four months before i finally got the courage to post.

-and Why in the H@LL would anyone WANT to drive by an abusers home?????? it sounds quite sick to me!
But THANK YOU for mentioning it. i just CAN'T BELIEVE what people would do!
and just How in the H@ll did she think this would make YOU FEEL!!!!!!!!! I Mean you've GOT to be KIDDING ME!!

>>Another time, I became quite close to someone on the internet. I thought he was my friend. He was a total hoax. Everything he said about himself was a total lie.

You know Shadows, this is the first discussion board(chat room kinda thing) i've ever been on. i've never done it before cuz i'm so synical that i'd never believe anything anyone told me about themselves. But here...well, for some reason, after reading and "getting to know" people here, and hearing their pain, it just didn't occur to me that people would actually MAKE UP PAIN!!!!!
isn't there enough pain in this D@mn world? do they have to make believe they have some?? do they want mine? cuz believe me, this is making me extremely dysfunctional. I Love my work and it breaks my heart that i can't do what i could a year ago, I love my husband and it kills me that i feel i'm Constantly disappointing him cuz i can't do things i used to beable to do. And I am Tearing up inside because i want babies SOOOO Badly but with all this going on, is it fair?, can i really do that now? Will i even be able to?
Well, Believe me -your a f@$king IDIOT and PATHETIC if you have to make up sick stories about abuse! and that P!$$es me OFF just THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!!

...breathe....
but i thank you for reminding me that there are loosers out there like that.

> I like to protect, B2.

i do too, i'm VERY protective of my (1or2)friends, and oh, don't mess with my niece and nephews!
and for the record, your on this list too. no one better mess with Shadows721 or i'll send them a 'worm' that'll shut down their system permanently and infect everyone they know!
**and as a disclaimer i hope my comments, questions or other writings will NOT be repeated, copied OR Printed in any way by anyone.

>>I would love to have a friend on the outside of this computer screen. It's very lonely living with these symptoms like this.

Boy, i hear you Shadows. i would too. I'm just so untrusting, i think everyone has alterior motives (course from my experience they usually do). So it's hard, real hard for me to trust. also, who out there really understands things unless it's someone who has similar experiences(and is just as untrusting as me:)

So you know, it may be behind a screen, but you've got me Shadows. I feel you have suffered 20x what i have experienced, but you are so caring and intelligent and i care a lot about you. You have helped me Many, Many times. i just could not ever thank you enough.
I am your friend Shadows. (and i don't say that to just anyone). know that.
no matter what pain you are feeling, i am here. no matter what your memories, i am here. no matter where you go, i am here. ...i am here. you have touched my heart and i thank you for that.
please take care.
b2c.


ps, i think i'm gonna take off to B&N and check out that book by martha stout that zenhussy mentioned.


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[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

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