Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 362458

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Sad and disillusioned

Posted by tabitha on July 2, 2004, at 0:02:45

It's my therapist's vacation week. The stuff that happened in the group has finally caught up with me. I feel so sad about it. I'd worked so hard to get to a place of trusting them, and expecting acceptance from them, and I just felt really open in there, like it was safe to be me. Then I got blindsided by that woman, and felt so betrayed by my therapist over how she handled it. We've maybe repaired some of the damage, but I just don't have any hopes for the group experience to feel good. Now it's just a place I get to go to practice having boundaries. Well you know what? Life is already full of places I get to practice having boundaries. There's no shortage of places where I can practice having boundaries. I'd hoped to have a place it would actually feel good to be.

It's just bringing up so much old pain, all the experiences of having hopes for relationships, and getting disappointed. Plus I was really counting on it to become a supportive thing for me, and it turns out the thing I need the support with the most, is the topic that sets off this woman's anger. So I don't see how I'm going to be able to get support on that issue there.

I tried talking about it with my other friends and they were awful about it, one just brushed it off, and the other went into fix-it mode, complete with action plan and schedule.

So I feel totally alone with this problem, and the place I'd hoped to get support and to eventually work out the problem, seems closed.

And meanwhile, I still have the problem, which is painful enough on its own.

I guess I'm just not having a very good week.

 

Re: Sad and disillusioned tabitha

Posted by Elle2021 on July 2, 2004, at 2:58:06

In reply to Sad and disillusioned, posted by tabitha on July 2, 2004, at 0:02:45

Tabitha,
It sounds like this hasn't been a very good week for you. I'm sorry to hear group isn't working out well. I haven't been here in ages, so I'm not sure of the details regarding the problem you mentioned (the one with the woman in group). Maybe you want to tell me about it? I won't try to fix it, I probably can't anyway, but I would love to listen.
Elle

 

Re: Sad and disillusioned tabitha

Posted by fallsfall on July 2, 2004, at 6:44:21

In reply to Sad and disillusioned, posted by tabitha on July 2, 2004, at 0:02:45

>I'd worked so hard to get to a place of trusting them, and expecting acceptance from them, and I just felt really open in there, like it was safe to be me. Then I got blindsided by that woman, and felt so betrayed by my therapist over how she handled it.

Boy can I relate to this, Tabitha. This is where I am with my therapist right now. It is excruciating.

The fact that the group has brought up a central issue for you *is* a good thing. I think that I really do understand your frustration and fear. But, I also believe that you (and I) can learn from these situations. I'm not sure exactly how to do this, but this *IS* what therapy IS. I want so badly to hide from my issues (and I have been - almost silent sessions, 3 or 4 of them) - to protect myself. But that leaves me stuck. If I hide from my issues then I can't work on them. But if I talk about them I am in danger. At least my therapist seems to be understanding the depth of my fear (and seems to understand that I'm not "rebelling" or being difficult for sport).

It is hard to know how hard to push myself (so I do have sympathy for my therapist - if *I* don't know how hard to push, how is he supposed to know??).

You have shown tenacity and fortitude in the past. I know that it seems too dangerous to let this issue surface in group again. But this issue is not a new issue for you, and I would venture that you won't find a *safer* place in your lifetime to work on it. The way I see it for me is that I *have* to figure out how to work on my issue in therapy - that I *have* to negotiate the danger and the fear - or I will never resolve this issue. And my issue for me (like yours for you) causes immense pain.

OK, so I've decided that I *will* (somehow) talk about my issue. I have no idea how to do that. I guess I need to start with baby steps (but I'm so much better at "stopped" and "full speed ahead"). It may take me a while to figure out how to do this. At this point, I think I'm doing well to be on time for sessions and not bolt halfway through. Maybe that is my "baby step" for now. I can do that. So today I will bring in an IM I had with Daisy. Perhaps I can use words from a different time and place (last night with her instead of today with him) to take another baby step.

I guess I'm trying to say that I know that it is ... "hard" (I just looked in Merriam-Webster in the thesaurus for "hard" - adverb. How many of those meaning are applicable!!). Use this week to recoup, to give yourself a break. But don't give up.

 

Re: Sad and disillusioned fallsfall

Posted by tabitha on July 2, 2004, at 13:12:35

In reply to Re: Sad and disillusioned tabitha, posted by fallsfall on July 2, 2004, at 6:44:21

Seems like you've done the hardest thing-- deciding you *will* work the hard things out in therapy. I keep going nuts thinking I need to quit. Thinking the relationship used to work, but now it's starting to feel almost abusive, like repeating old hurts instead of healing them. Then I get into the anguish of thinking of quitting, which is unimaginable since I'm so attached, and since this is what I've put all my hopes into.

Maybe I'll give myself a rest from thinking of quitting this week. A baby step on this would be, maybe telling the group a little more of how hurt I was. When I thought about talking about it, all I could imagine was me sobbing uncontrollably and having to leave the room.

 

Re: Sad and disillusioned Elle2021

Posted by tabitha on July 2, 2004, at 13:40:24

In reply to Re: Sad and disillusioned tabitha, posted by Elle2021 on July 2, 2004, at 2:58:06

Hi Elle, haven't seen you in a while. Thanks for your post. I had written a bunch of posts about this group thing before. I just got my feelings hurt in there while sharing some vulnerable stuff, and felt betrayed by my T for letting it happen, and haven't quite put myself back together again. The original problem I was talking about is my social isolation.

 

Re: Sad and disillusioned tabitha

Posted by fallsfall on July 2, 2004, at 17:57:46

In reply to Re: Sad and disillusioned fallsfall, posted by tabitha on July 2, 2004, at 13:12:35

I understand the abusive feeling. If we hadn't already successfully navigated one painful transference pattern I would have given up long ago. But he showed me that it *is* possible to work through these things.

I think your baby step sounds like a good plan. P.S. Sobbing uncontrollably is acceptable in group...

You seem to repeatedly be glad that you didn't give up on group or therapy. Hopefully that can give you enough stamina to get through the rough times.

 

Re: Sad and disillusioned tabitha

Posted by Elle2021 on July 3, 2004, at 16:51:02

In reply to Re: Sad and disillusioned Elle2021, posted by tabitha on July 2, 2004, at 13:40:24

Hi Tabitha,
I'm sorry that happened to you. It must have felt pretty bad to have shared something personal and something you felt was vulnerable, only to have your feelings hurt. Did you confront the person who hurt your feelings? How about your therapist?
Elle

 

Re: Sad and disillusioned/tabitha

Posted by terrics on July 4, 2004, at 12:11:59

In reply to Re: Sad and disillusioned tabitha, posted by Elle2021 on July 3, 2004, at 16:51:02

Hi Tabitha, So sorry this happened to you. Treat yourself really well for the weekend if you can...without thinking about what happened. Perhaps giving it a little time and distance you will be more able to think about it and find your own solutions. I hope things improve soon. terrics

 

Re: Sad and disillusioned

Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2004, at 21:11:02

In reply to Sad and disillusioned, posted by tabitha on July 2, 2004, at 0:02:45

I'm so sorry, Tabitha. Sometimes I really wonder if all this is paying off, too. Is my life any better? Am I learning about life or about therapy?

Sigh.

I hope this week goes better. Therapy shouldn't be causing us more pain than it solves. At least not past the first little while.


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