Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 302511

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Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new...

Posted by QuietHeart on January 18, 2004, at 22:56:47

Hi everyone,
I am new here (female, age 27, graduate student) -- and I found this site out of desperation. I don't intend anyone to diagnose me per se but I just need some support and answers. I feel so guilty and confused.

I've been depressed for a few months now and recently began therapy. I am not familiar with depression jargon so bear with me. I have always had a kind of rocky relationship with my mom (actually step-mom, but not important, she raised me and I think of her as mom) and we just don't get along when we live under one roof (I am in grad school and living at home).

Well, today, I just had a breakdown, for lack of a better word. I cried and cried and cried all day without stopping and could barely move. Needless to say, my parents were somewhat weirded out by this uncontrollable show of emotion. I then tried to speak candidly with my mom about what has been bothering me. I was somewhat harsh, telling her what a bad mother she has been to me, bringing up episodes from the past, etc. I genuinely think she has been mean. We have real difficulty living under one roof but things usually get better when we're apart and I am moving soon. I just CAN'T seem to accept that things are this bad when we live together though my parents are very matter of fact about it and say it happens in every family. In any case, I ended up feeling SO guilty because my parents were so supportive and told me they really think I am burned out from grad school, etc. and I have no friends (which is true) and they think I am taking it out on them.

I now feel more eased in terms of my relationship with my mom since we talked today, but feel weird that I spent my last 2 sessions complaining to my therapist about it. I mean, do I just tell her I no longer have probs with my mom? I know they might resurface in some way but I am so unsure of everything and scared that I couldn't control my crying, etc.

Please help.

 

Re: Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new...

Posted by dragonfly25 on January 19, 2004, at 0:33:48

In reply to Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new..., posted by QuietHeart on January 18, 2004, at 22:56:47

hi
i am sorry you are having such a hard time.
i wouldn't worry about dropping the issue of your mom with your therapist, i go in one week and talk about one thing and the next week i have completely forgotten what i was talking about and im off on another tangent.
they are used to that, (i hope:))
but you can tell your therapist that things have cooled down and you need to talk about something else. from the sounds of it the best thing you could do is move out. are you moving out with someone or alone? i couldn't have a relationship with my parents if i had to live with them (AWFUL THOUGHT) i bet once you get some space from them things will be much calmer. the less you see of a person the more you appreciate them. and try not to feel guilty about your parents reactions etc. they should understand, if you are burned out even more reason. also try not to worry so much about otehrs and worry more about you. you need to look after yourself. is there anyone you can hang out with? maybe distracting yourself would be helpful right now, from depression adn your parents. i hope this helped a little.
take care of yourself
dragonfly :)

 

Re: Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new... QuietHeart

Posted by poet on January 19, 2004, at 10:06:18

In reply to Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new..., posted by QuietHeart on January 18, 2004, at 22:56:47

Hi Quietheart,

I get angry easily when I'm depressed, I've said some hateful things to my husband that I later apologized for.

I don't cry very often, I wish I could because I think it's a way to let go of pain.

Your therapist will understand that you rant about your family in one session and get along fine with them at your next one. I think you need to talk about what you were feeling and what triggered it.

Please be aware that I bury things as deep as I can, and avoid talking about them in therapy, so I understand that you just want to bury the problems with your family. I'm trying to go back to something that my therapist agreed to back off from months ago, and it's hard. Though she says keeping it buried is harder on me, I guess I'll see.

Take care.

Poet

 

Re: Any clues? QuietHeart

Posted by 64Bowtie on January 19, 2004, at 10:17:08

In reply to Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new..., posted by QuietHeart on January 18, 2004, at 22:56:47

I'm not clear. So what did your T say about the crying and breakdown? T Give any feedback, any clues?

Sounds like your parents are talking to you and not denying the roughness of the situation. I hope that's a blessing here.

 

Re: Any clues?

Posted by gardenergirl on January 19, 2004, at 11:40:11

In reply to Re: Any clues? QuietHeart, posted by 64Bowtie on January 19, 2004, at 10:17:08

Quietheart,
Congratulations for starting therapy. It isn't easy, and it's hard to know what to expect. I, too am in grad school, and it can really take a lot out of you. I'm not saying that to minimize your depression, but it certainly adds to the picture. Sometimes it's like living in a pressure cooker. It's bound to go off at times.

My own experience with my therapist (my T) is that it doesn't matter if I keep returning to the same subject or if I talk about different things in different sessions. I think the most important thing you can do that will help would be to ask your T what he or she expects from you regarding what you talk about. Likely you will hear that it doesn't matter. Whatever's important will come up again and again as long as it needs to.

That being said, it may also be helpful to process with your T your experience of the blowup. At times like this, it can be hard to understand all the complex feelings involved. Your T may be able to help you tease apart everything that went on, so it's less confusing and painful.

I wish you the best! Welcome to Psychobabble. This is an excellent place for questions such as yours and just for general support. I'm somewhat new here, too, and I have found it to extremely helpful.

Take care!

gg

 

Re: Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new...

Posted by Waterlily on January 19, 2004, at 18:29:46

In reply to Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new..., posted by QuietHeart on January 18, 2004, at 22:56:47

I say you talk about what is important in your life, even if you talk about the same thing ad nauseum. Work through the mom issue as long as you feel you're making progress on it. I would especially talk about the crying episode and how scared you were. Your therapist may offer some ways to deal with it should it happen again. I don't think it ever benefits you to lie in therapy.

 

Re: That's a great Point... Waterlily

Posted by 64Bowtie on January 19, 2004, at 23:51:47

In reply to Re: Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new..., posted by Waterlily on January 19, 2004, at 18:29:46

<<< I don't think it ever benefits you to lie in therapy...

>>> I apologize if this sounds cynical. Scott Peck in "The Road Less Traveled" points out that, "Therapy is the 'Truth Game'". Seems to hold true from my view that most therapists report that therapy starts right after the lieing stops. So the point is well taken that there is little benefit to lieing in therapy, if therapy may not even begin until the lieing stops.
Again I apologize if this sounds cynical. I am only reporting what I've heard over the years and what Scott Peck wrote.

 

Re: Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new...

Posted by SavedByGrace on April 6, 2004, at 4:16:42

In reply to Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new..., posted by QuietHeart on January 18, 2004, at 22:56:47

> Hi everyone,
> I am new here (female, age 27, graduate student) -- and I found this site out of desperation. I don't intend anyone to diagnose me per se but I just need some support and answers. I feel so guilty and confused.
>
> I've been depressed for a few months now and recently began therapy. I am not familiar with depression jargon so bear with me. I have always had a kind of rocky relationship with my mom (actually step-mom, but not important, she raised me and I think of her as mom) and we just don't get along when we live under one roof (I am in grad school and living at home).
>
> Well, today, I just had a breakdown, for lack of a better word. I cried and cried and cried all day without stopping and could barely move. Needless to say, my parents were somewhat weirded out by this uncontrollable show of emotion. I then tried to speak candidly with my mom about what has been bothering me. I was somewhat harsh, telling her what a bad mother she has been to me, bringing up episodes from the past, etc. I genuinely think she has been mean. We have real difficulty living under one roof but things usually get better when we're apart and I am moving soon. I just CAN'T seem to accept that things are this bad when we live together though my parents are very matter of fact about it and say it happens in every family. In any case, I ended up feeling SO guilty because my parents were so supportive and told me they really think I am burned out from grad school, etc. and I have no friends (which is true) and they think I am taking it out on them.
>
> I now feel more eased in terms of my relationship with my mom since we talked today, but feel weird that I spent my last 2 sessions complaining to my therapist about it. I mean, do I just tell her I no longer have probs with my mom? I know they might resurface in some way but I am so unsure of everything and scared that I couldn't control my crying, etc.
>
> Please help.

Dear friend,

I hope you are much much better now, after these months. If not, what I'm about to say works for me. You may think that it's all positive self-talk, but to me, it's God's love and mercy that He heard when I cried out to Him.

We've probably all been through those times in our growing up years, when in our desperation - because it seems as though our whole world is falling apart and those closest to us are responsible for our troubles - we lash out at those nearest and dearest and then feel remorse thereafter. I'm sure the crying is good for you - it was for me. At least I received affirmation and reassurance of the importance of my existence. Don't stop there! Cry out to someone who cares about you and who loves you more than you imagine - He's none other than your Creator and loving father. Talk to him; invite Him into your life. Believe. Do that every night before you sleep, and first thing when you awake each morning, and have faith, and ask to have faith, and give thanks and praise, and you'll soon be on your way to well-being. Reach out to others, not just in dependency, but in the knowledge that because He loves you, you have the power to love in return, to yourself and to others. May you find God and may God put you on the road to recovery. Sincerely


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