Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 331844

Shown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Loving your T... a sickness?

Posted by terrics on April 2, 2004, at 16:41:37

If a person feels awful after therapy and only thinks of his/her T.day and night, can this possibly be healthy? Can therapy work under these conditions? terrics

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness? terrics

Posted by Fallen4myT on April 2, 2004, at 16:51:44

In reply to Loving your T... a sickness?, posted by terrics on April 2, 2004, at 16:41:37

Terrics you know me so you know I have a slant to the T ...but I would say only IF you are still working on your issues ...If ALL it is, is T lust and love and stuff and you're not getting any HELP or looking at yourself..then no its not good. In spite of my LOVE/LUST of T I work VERY hard on my PTSD and anxiety issues as does he...and when I leave..floating on air..I am none the less thinking of tools he suggested to help things...or thinking back to my childhood...or using the relaxation tapes and all.....reading books he tells me to and writing what I get from them..THEN I think my wild and crazy HOT thoughts....

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness? terrics

Posted by crushedout on April 2, 2004, at 17:50:51

In reply to Loving your T... a sickness?, posted by terrics on April 2, 2004, at 16:41:37


I've been struggling with the same question. My friend who came over to spend the night last night thinks I should stop therapy. Actually, almost all my friends (maybe all of them?) think I will just continue to be tortured if I remain with her and I need to leave her to start moving on.

Do you guys think there may be another way out? I thought I was supposed to "work through" this transference, but I don't seem to be working through anything. I just keep getting worse. And acting out (SI) more and more.


> If a person feels awful after therapy and only thinks of his/her T.day and night, can this possibly be healthy? Can therapy work under these conditions? terrics

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness?

Posted by Fallen4myT on April 2, 2004, at 18:00:12

In reply to Re: Loving your T... a sickness? terrics, posted by crushedout on April 2, 2004, at 17:50:51

Sometimes when it seems you need a T to continue to see YOUR T it may be time to do so.....

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness? terrics

Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2004, at 20:38:52

In reply to Loving your T... a sickness?, posted by terrics on April 2, 2004, at 16:41:37

I may be in a minority here, but I do think there probably comes a point when a person's feelings for their therapist can get in the way of therapy and recovery. Especially if the therapist isn't skilled at using the tranference. Or if the feeligns don't reflect something they need to work on.

However, if the feelings and reactions that a person has for their therapist are pretty standard for them and cause them trouble. For example, if you cling to your therapist and have a history of clinging to others and undermining your relationships that way. And you have a skillful therapist. Then I think those feelings are perfect for therapy.

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness? Dinah

Posted by crushedout on April 2, 2004, at 20:44:06

In reply to Re: Loving your T... a sickness? terrics, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2004, at 20:38:52


Very well put, Dinah, and I think you're right. The problem for me is that I can't figure out which category I fall into. Because I've been in love with my T for so long, I haven't had the opportunity to see if I cling to other people in my life anymore -- she's the only one I want to cling to.

The truth is, I don't know if I could terminate even if I *knew* it was the right thing to do.

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness? crushedout

Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2004, at 20:48:40

In reply to Re: Loving your T... a sickness? Dinah, posted by crushedout on April 2, 2004, at 20:44:06

Well, I know I couldn't. I pitch a fit at the thought of cutting down to once a week or three times every two weeks. I know I could handle it relatively easily when I'm feeling well. I know he would schedule extra sessions when I needed them. I know I really shouldn't be spending the money to go twice a week.

But if I even think of it I have a major temper tantrum.

So I do understand. I wish I had an answer. Sometimes it's darned hard to do what's best for us.

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness? crushedout

Posted by terrics on April 3, 2004, at 9:42:35

In reply to Re: Loving your T... a sickness? terrics, posted by crushedout on April 2, 2004, at 17:50:51

A psychoanalytical type approach to borderline personality disorder [which I suppossedly have] is not really treatable with many therapies, especially those with a psychanalytical bend.
I am getting nowhere with my beloved borderline therapist[she has bpd too lol]
This psychoanalytical stuff does not work for me. terrics

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness? Dinah

Posted by terrics on April 3, 2004, at 9:45:50

In reply to Re: Loving your T... a sickness? terrics, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2004, at 20:38:52

Well Dinah, as usual you always see both sides. Why aren't you a T. terrics

 

Re: Loving your T... a sickness? crushedout

Posted by terrics on April 3, 2004, at 9:51:45

In reply to Re: Loving your T... a sickness? Dinah, posted by crushedout on April 2, 2004, at 20:44:06

Oh Crushed, whoever thought therapy could come to this. I cannot seem to let go either. Although I know she is not the first person I have clung to, this clinging behavior pretty much stopped awhile ago. Also my T. clings back which is prolonging the problem. terrics

 

contemplating termination Dinah

Posted by crushedout on April 3, 2004, at 22:08:44

In reply to Re: Loving your T... a sickness? crushedout, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2004, at 20:48:40


ever since this post last night, i've been thinking really hard about whether i should end therapy with my T. we're coming up on our two-year anniversary, and it's been well over a year that i've been in love with her, i think. she's helped me so much, but i'm not sure it's working anymore.

anyway, if i can, i'm going to try to bring it up when i see her on tuesday. i imagine i'll have to get another t if for nothing else then to help me with the loss of this one. that is, if i can even go through with this, which i'm still only contemplating. this could be the wrong move, or just too hard for me to do. we'll see. it makes me feel relieved in a way, though, to contemplate it. like, there is a way out, maybe.

> Well, I know I couldn't. I pitch a fit at the thought of cutting down to once a week or three times every two weeks. I know I could handle it relatively easily when I'm feeling well. I know he would schedule extra sessions when I needed them. I know I really shouldn't be spending the money to go twice a week.
>
> But if I even think of it I have a major temper tantrum.
>
> So I do understand. I wish I had an answer. Sometimes it's darned hard to do what's best for us.

 

I know I am the oddball here...

Posted by KindGirl on April 4, 2004, at 0:15:25

In reply to contemplating termination Dinah, posted by crushedout on April 3, 2004, at 22:08:44

My t. seems to come from a completely different approach than most I have read about here. I asked her a few weeks ago about the posts here on whether or not we had pictures of our t's. Remember that thread? Well most of you wrote that you had no photos of your t's other than ones you downloaded, and I have 2 pictures of mine. She is very open to holding me and hugs and calls in between sessions...all that....and her response to what I shared about Babble was she said, "I have very flexible boundaries. Some therapists do, some don't. You won't cross a boundary here with me, so don't worry. I am not worried about it." And she also talked about "attachment theory." I think this is the opposite of Freud...she sees nothing wrong with me attaching to her, of me declaring my love for her and that I miss her all the time. She said that I never attached properly with my mother (that is an understatement) and that I need to learn to attach and to be loved this way in order to heal. She also says that she will always be in my life, even after termination, she will give me a phone number to reach her even after she retires.
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....I guess I am saying that I agree with so many of you in that "how can this be good? I think about my t all the time?".....and I think I hear my t. saying this is a good sign, this is on the path toward healthy relationships, healthy love....there is nothing wrong with it, she tells me. Now, in your case or in everyone else's case it might be the complete opposite. I am fiercely independent and rely on nobody and have been this way all my life, so I see my t's point in showing me I need to learn to ask for help and to be able to receive it.
Hope this didn't piss anyone off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Re: I know I am the oddball here... KindGirl

Posted by Fallen4myT on April 4, 2004, at 0:20:07

In reply to I know I am the oddball here..., posted by KindGirl on April 4, 2004, at 0:15:25

Wow Kindgirl who could be pissed off I mean I am thinking your T is perfect and a very good T...Mine MAY think and feel the same..we just dont talk it or GO there cause of ME being shy ....I am envious :)

 

Re: contemplating termination crushedout

Posted by fallsfall on April 4, 2004, at 10:12:23

In reply to contemplating termination Dinah, posted by crushedout on April 3, 2004, at 22:08:44

> it makes me feel relieved in a way, though, to contemplate it. like, there is a way out, maybe.

Crushed,

This is a really important statement. I was in agony with my old therapist, it felt so completely painful and hopeless that I was seriously suicidal for the first time in my life. I hadn't wanted to leave her "because I couldn't live without her". But given the pain I was in, and the fact that I wasn't sure I was going to live even if I stayed, I considered that leaving her might be an option. It couldn't get worse. As soon as I started contemplating changing therapists I started feeling better (I was still terrified) - I started having some hope, and I could delay the suicidal plan and see what might be ahead in the road for me.

This sounds a lot like your feeling of relief. So I would encourage you to keep considering leaving and talking to her about it.

The whole termination process with my therapist lasted probably 6 weeks or so (and I was very aggressive in interviewing potential therapists) - and the agony lasted probably another month after I changed. But then it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was definately the right move for me.

Listen to your "relief". Know that it will be VERY hard and painful. Follow your gut.

 

Re: contemplating termination fallsfall

Posted by crushedout on April 4, 2004, at 10:32:46

In reply to Re: contemplating termination crushedout, posted by fallsfall on April 4, 2004, at 10:12:23


fallsfall,

i can't remember: was it your t's idea that you terminate? or was it yours? was she supportive of you terminating?

mine thinks it's a terrible idea, so i may have some convincing to do. and i'm not in a very good position to convince since i really don't want to leave her.

 

Re: contemplating termination crushedout

Posted by fallsfall on April 4, 2004, at 13:29:11

In reply to Re: contemplating termination fallsfall, posted by crushedout on April 4, 2004, at 10:32:46

She was concerned about my dependence. So much so that she talked to her supervision group. They recommended that if I was less dependent in 3 months then she should reduce sessions to every other week. If I was not less dependent in 3 months that she should terminate me.

I agreed that if I was still that miserable in 3 months that it would be time to go.

But I decided to leave before that. (1 month into the 3 month period?) I told her that I was leaving and why. She heard a completely different reason (because "she had taught me all she knew") and said it was fine. I started the search. When I was close to picking my new therapist we had a session when I realized that she hadn't known that I had been completely miserable for the previous 4 months (incredibly, intensely, to the point of being suicidal miserable). I haven't seen her since.

So, whose idea was it? Technically it was mine.

I suggest that you tell your therapist that you will look for a new therapist, not that you are quitting therapy. (and I would suggest that you do so). Tell her the real reasons. If she argues with you, make sure that she has YOUR best interests at heart.

 

Re: I know I am the oddball here... KindGirl

Posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 20:37:44

In reply to I know I am the oddball here..., posted by KindGirl on April 4, 2004, at 0:15:25

> ....Now, in your case or in everyone else's case it might be the complete opposite. I am fiercely independent and rely on nobody and have been this way all my life, so I see my t's point in showing me I need to learn to ask for help and to be able to receive it... >
------------
Wow, I can really relate to that. I keep things in to the point of seeming defensive or irritable when cornered. Even here I may be able to write a blue streak sometimes, but not just come out and say, "GOOD LORD am I sad/worried/paralyzed today." And all that affects what I get in return, and even peoples' ability to tell when I am feeling very weak and could use support. Your T sounds fabulous. The last time I tried, I came at the pdoc with the force of years of stored thoughts, because I was finally ready. But I think if anything he assumed that must be my approach in general, and that I should learn deprivation instead or something. He withheld any kind of connection, reinforcement or comfort of any nature. Even when I'd tell him how bad things were getting between sessions, he seemed to find it irrelevant, so I can only guess that he assumed it was a play for attention. In reality he was the only one I had or was turning to, and that had been hard. I haven't yet been able to get up the will to try that I had when I started with him, I feel like that was the last of it. I haven't lost faith in the biz, just no energy. So anyway, thanks, hearing about experiences like yours is always encouraging for whenever I can mobilize again.


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