Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 311334

Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

One week later

Posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 15:04:14

I ended things with my T last week. It's been so hard. I'm sure between the hours that I would usually see her tonight will be the worst. I hope you guys aren't tired of hearing me talk about this. It's just so hard.

I feel weak because I have such a dependency on her and I feel sad that I'll probably never see her again. She's been the perfect mother for me. I think that point has become complicated by the fact that my own mother will be here tomorrow. We've always had a "rocky" relationship due to her shortcomings and while I think it's a good idea to give her a 2nd chance, I already feel like she's going to disappoint me. After all, there's no way she can live up to my T. It's really quite complicated and I feel like I'm dealing with too many things at once.

I guess the long and short of it all is that it's one week later and I'm still here.

 

Re: One week later thewriteone

Posted by Penny on February 9, 2004, at 15:24:24

In reply to One week later, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 15:04:14

And it will get easier as time goes on. Yesterday was the year anniversary for me of my last session with my former T. And I thought about her a lot. And thought about writing her a letter, to let her know that I'm still doing okay. But I didn't. I might do it at some point, though.

Tonight, during the time that you used to have therapy, can you do something to honor the relationship you had with your T? Perhaps journal about the things you learned, or do something that reminds you of your T. Anyway, be kind to yourself.

As for the visit with your mom - set your boundaries. You are an adult - you don't have to put up with anything that makes you feel put down or bad about yourself. I know you might not be able to separate yourself physically very easily, but at least separate yourself mentally and emotionally if things get too hard. I have to do this with my parents and grandmother all the time!

(((thewriteone)))

P

 

Re: One week later

Posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 17:55:51

In reply to One week later, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 15:04:14

And we're glad that you're still here :)

I wish I knew exactly what to say to make everythig "all better." But, I don't. I've heard that things do get better as time passes. And the tone of your post sounds like you are handling things fairly well. I'm proud of you for that. I'm afraid I'd be a crazy woman without my therapist right now.

How do you think the visit with your mother will turn out tomorrow? Do think that positive thinking will help the situation?

Good luck, and let me know how it goes. Try not to compare your mother to your therapist though. That's a disaster waiting to happen. I'm sure you know that.

 

Re: One week later

Posted by Fallen4myT on February 9, 2004, at 18:52:33

In reply to One week later, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 15:04:14

I am glad youre still here but feel so sorry for the loss of your T. I dread that day. It does seem like toooo much to have mom over right around this time. Anyway to delay this? Its a bad sedt up

 

Re: One week later

Posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 19:09:05

In reply to Re: One week later thewriteone, posted by Penny on February 9, 2004, at 15:24:24

> Tonight, during the time that you used to have therapy, can you do something to honor the relationship you had with your T? Perhaps journal about the things you learned, or do something that reminds you of your T. Anyway, be kind to yourself.

That's a wonderful idea. Thanks!!! I will try that. I was thinking of trying to find things to keep my mind off where I'd usually be, like that would be possible at all. Your suggestion is more likely and more productive, I'm sure. Thanks again!

 

Re: One week later

Posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 19:12:15

In reply to Re: One week later, posted by Fallen4myT on February 9, 2004, at 18:52:33

> I am glad youre still here but feel so sorry for the loss of your T. I dread that day. It does seem like toooo much to have mom over right around this time. Anyway to delay this? Its a bad sedt up

Unfortunately this has been set up for 6+ months. It's good in that she's coming to help me out with preparing things for the birth of my child. I'm really hoping we can bond in this somehow and who knows, maybe we will. She was a terrible mother, but maybe she'll be a good mother? It's worth a shot.

 

Re: One week later thewriteone

Posted by Fallen4myT on February 9, 2004, at 19:18:07

In reply to Re: One week later, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 19:12:15

Yeah I do not have kids or anything but my guess is your mom has/had issues just like we do and did the best she thought she could at the time. I would hope if I messed up my child would give me a LOT of chances so youre brave and have my prayers. I am new didnt know youre having a baby how cool congrats...do you know the sex of your child yet?

 

Re: One week later Karen_kay

Posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 19:28:46

In reply to Re: One week later, posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 17:55:51

> How do you think the visit with your mother will turn out tomorrow? Do think that positive thinking will help the situation?
>
> Good luck, and let me know how it goes. Try not to compare your mother to your therapist though. That's a disaster waiting to happen. I'm sure you know that.

I'm not much for the positive thinking. It's never really worked out for me, but as I said in another post, I am hopeful.

It's not so much in comparing my mother to my therapist as her shortcomings just being completely obvious to me because of my theraputic relationship, if that makes more sense.

 

Re: One week later Fallen4myT

Posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 19:40:49

In reply to Re: One week later thewriteone, posted by Fallen4myT on February 9, 2004, at 19:18:07

> Yeah I do not have kids or anything but my guess is your mom has/had issues just like we do and did the best she thought she could at the time. I would hope if I messed up my child would give me a LOT of chances so youre brave and have my prayers. I am new didnt know youre having a baby how cool congrats...do you know the sex of your child yet?

Yeah, I feel the same way. I don't hate my mom, I just hate the lack of mother she was to me, you know? No one is perfect, so I think I'd want another chance, too.

Thanks. This is our first, so we're excited. We're having a boy and he's due in just about a month.

 

Re: One week later thewriteone

Posted by Fallen4myT on February 9, 2004, at 19:48:02

In reply to Re: One week later Fallen4myT, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 19:40:49

Yeah my mom was both good and bad and kind of busy so I am a needy person. Sad but true. Also one to believe in let the baby cry till they fall asleep lol ummm duh, but back then they didnt REALLY KNOW better. I don't think many if any person wants to be a bad parent so Bless you for trying with mom
I am so happy for you as far as your soon to be baby boy How awesome I bet you have the place all done up for him and well maybe you could journal to him. This may be good with you and mom you may both learn a lot and my prayers are with you. One month can go fast :) SO COOL CONRATS

 

Re: One week later thewriteone

Posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 20:27:52

In reply to Re: One week later Karen_kay, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 19:28:46

I understand that completely :) I have the same problem comparing my old man to my therapist. I wish I didn't, but what's a girl to do?

 

Re: One week later thewriteone

Posted by terrics on February 9, 2004, at 20:48:40

In reply to One week later, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 15:04:14

I imagine you are going through a really hard time. I hope you are feeling better soon. Maybe posting alot will help a little. terrics

 

Re: Congratulations! thewriteone

Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2004, at 21:43:51

In reply to Re: One week later Fallen4myT, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 19:40:49

On your boy. :)

Ours is the sweetest thing imaginable, and if possible gets more loveable every year.

 

Re: Congratulations!

Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on February 9, 2004, at 22:09:42

In reply to Re: Congratulations! thewriteone, posted by Dinah on February 9, 2004, at 21:43:51

well we are all glad the u r still here :) and it has been a month since i have seen my former t adn it is still hard but the pain isless intense!!! good luck keep us informed!!!

 

Re: One week later thewriteone

Posted by Crooked Heart on February 10, 2004, at 4:34:28

In reply to One week later, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 15:04:14

You've got such a lot happening at the moment, and I can see how your mother's visit might feel like the last thing you want. I could hardly think of my mother and my therapist 'in the same breath' because the contrast was so painful. (And it wasn't really that I blame my mother, I guess she did her best, and maybe if she'd been able to have a good therapist she'd have done a lot better.)

Your mother's coming to help you get ready for the baby, right? (Not something that mine would have done in a million years -- can we have a 'worst mother' competition? No, scrub that, there are things for which my kids would nominate me.) So maybe there will be little practical things that she may do for you?

Is your baby your mother's first grandchild? That can really shake things up. My sister had never been a motherly type as she said herself. She often seemed to be to be pretty cold and indifferent to her kids, right from the start. Anyhow when her first grandchild is born something happens to my sister and she just completely dotes on her grand-daughter who's now age 2. The one who never had time for kids has now started doing voluntary work helping children in her local elementary school.

Of course I'm not at all saying that anything like that will happen with your mother. Just that when the first baby comes everything might get thrown in the air and it might settle down differently from how it was before.

I don't know if any of this helps. I hope you got through yesterday evening OK. Please let us know how you are.

 

Re: One week later

Posted by pegasus on February 10, 2004, at 11:37:28

In reply to One week later, posted by thewriteone on February 9, 2004, at 15:04:14

I'm glad you're still here too, and that you're posting for support. It's such a hard thing to leave a T, for whatever reason. Someone in some other losing-a-therapist-post on babble said it was harder than losing their family members. And the T was still alive! It is a very big loss - it's OK to feel really bad about it for a while.

- p

 

Re: One week later Crooked Heart

Posted by thewriteone on February 10, 2004, at 14:08:21

In reply to Re: One week later thewriteone, posted by Crooked Heart on February 10, 2004, at 4:34:28

You bring up some interesting points. I've seen it before where someone that may have not been happy as a mother becomes a wonderful grandmother. I think my mom has a good shot at it. Then again, maybe not at all. I think the important thing for me is that I'm not assuming how she'll be one way or the other.

And thanks for your concern. Last night went okay. I took some advice off the board and did some journaling about my T and cried like a baby while I did. I fought really hard to pick up the phone and call her and tell her how much I miss her, but I made it through that hour. It helped that she told me when I left that when our session time came around, she knew she was going to miss seeing me. I guess I figured she was possibly thinking of me at the same moment. I think it's going to be hard for a long time, but I hope someday I won't even notice what day it is or what time it is.

 

Congrats on the baby. How exciting! (nm) thewriteone

Posted by gardenergirl on February 10, 2004, at 17:11:29

In reply to Re: One week later Crooked Heart, posted by thewriteone on February 10, 2004, at 14:08:21

 

Re: One week later thewriteone

Posted by Crooked Heart on February 10, 2004, at 18:08:45

In reply to Re: One week later Crooked Heart, posted by thewriteone on February 10, 2004, at 14:08:21

That's so good that your therapist told you that she'd be missing you. It is such a hard loss to bear.

I'm glad you got through yesterday evening. You should be proud of yourself. And it will get easier.

Thinking of you.

 

Thanks for your support. :-) (nm)

Posted by thewriteone on February 10, 2004, at 18:43:16

In reply to Re: One week later thewriteone, posted by Crooked Heart on February 10, 2004, at 18:08:45


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