Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 251041

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Re: Why bother with therapy?

Posted by Bunnyz32 on August 29, 2003, at 6:48:46

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Bunnyz32, posted by stebby on August 28, 2003, at 18:12:01

I suppose women are "allowed" by society to express their emotions, unlike men. Men are supposed to "be a man and suck it up" and anger is more of an "appropriate" emotion for men.
If one is educated I suppose they have more expectations of life, and when we don't get them that can be a great dissapointment. Also, if one does not have an education the person is probably working 2 or 3 jobs and really does'nt have time for emotions.
I tried college, but I saw what MY wants were doing to my children I decided the children won't always be children and I can pursue my wants when they are older
. Example, I was trying to write a paper and my, then, almost, two year old would stuff things in the disk drive, or get a hold of the disk I was saving my papers to and take the metal thing a ma bob off the disk.
My son is 9 and my daughter is 5.

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? Dinah

Posted by allisonf on August 29, 2003, at 11:02:45

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? allisonf, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2003, at 7:11:39

I think it is a cool thing that you are actually teaching your therapist how to communicate with you (and with other clients by extension). Like he has to keep in mind that you have a quicker physical reaction (as most of us more sensitive/perceptive/feeling/female(?) types do) to what he says than other people might. And that physical reaction makes you lose concentration, close up, etc. It sounds like you and your therapist really do communicate well tho. You have the insight when there is a problem to communicate about how you are communicating, which is very problem solving oriented and less judgemental. That's probably why things blow over more quickly with him. That's really great.

I am totally there with you about the decline in writing ability when I get really upset. But even when I'm not that totally shaken and I can write, I'm not convinced that it's always helpful for me to write my obsessive thoughts down after therapy sessions. My transference manifests itself differently from yours--instead of abandonment issues (which are there eg. her vacation) mine is mostly this romantic infatuation. I tend to relive our encounter in my writing (don't laugh, but one time when she came to session in sandals and painted toenails, I wrote 3 pges about the whole shocking experience of not being able to concentrate b/c of her toes!) which then makes the obsessive thoughts build. So, I actually take some pride in being able to go x no. of days without writing.

Thanks for saying that about her reading the book. You're right, it should give us some context for discussing some of these things. I am going to leaf thru another copy in the bookstore before the next session tho, to see if there's anything specific I want to focus on. And then of course she won't bring up the book next session, right?!

Happy Labor Day weekend!

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? fallsfall

Posted by allisonf on August 29, 2003, at 11:07:10

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 28, 2003, at 6:49:55

This totally makes sense to me. I try to imagine switching to a new therapist and I can see where the transference might surface again...but not be as intense. Maybe b/c you have less history with this person, there are less encounters & less information to draw from, resulting in less obsessive thinking.

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby

Posted by allisonf on August 29, 2003, at 11:29:19

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? allisonf, posted by stebby on August 28, 2003, at 17:56:45

Thanks for your supportive comments about the book. She's never borrowed a book from me before so I'm not sure what to expect--if she'll return it and discuss it during the next session or if she'll never mention it again. I guess I can always bring it up with her. Definitely, I'm curious to see if your therapist has read it. You said she has read quite a bit esp in the psych area. I wonder if it's the type of book that therapists know about. I think it should be required reading for therapists in training!

And thanks for not rolling your eyes (not that I could see!) about the counseling psychology thing. I have fought with myself for years in & out of therapy about whether I am capable of studying counseling/ being a therapist given my own psych disability. I am just going to do it! I went to law school for the wrong reasons and it was just never right for me. You're right, it was a huge decision to leave law--it was why I went to therapy the first time back in 1993. But my life has been so much better since...

Are you still planning to bring in the posts from here to your next therapy session? I talked about this bd in my last session for the first time. I wonder how many people use this bd as a launching pad for discussion in therapy. Good luck with your session, keep us posted on how it goes.

Not really obsessing so much anymore...maybe b/c I get to talk to everyone here! :) Or maybe it's the Geodon?! I say that in a very small voice b/c I don't want to jinx anything...

Ok, gotta run and get those kids in the bath, we're headed to the beach in a few hours. Have a great LD weekend stebby and everyone else!

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? allisonf

Posted by Dinah on August 29, 2003, at 21:34:21

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Dinah, posted by allisonf on August 29, 2003, at 11:02:45

Well, you could always bring it up yourself. Says the person who has never mentioned the book I lent my therapist probably almost a year ago. Neither has he.

But for the most part, you're right. We do communicate well together, but it took years to get to this point. I asked him the other day if he would never think again of me if he terminated me. He said of course he would think of me. That he had grown a lot as a therapist in the last eight years, which he has, and that I had been a big part of that, which I think I have. Not terribly modest of me. But since I wasn't about to leave him, I had to learn to talk about the things that were upsetting me.

I hope you get there someday with your therapist. :)

 

Re: Why bother with therapy?

Posted by Adia on August 30, 2003, at 12:45:13

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia, posted by allisonf on August 27, 2003, at 9:27:50

Hi! Thank you so much for responding to me and sharing. It means a lot right now..!!
THank you for sharing what your T said to you..I too tell myself that eventually I will be able to share with her but it hurts so much to keep things inside and see how i miss the chance the way I do. My therapist told me I can't keep running away as I do. Now at least we have agreed that I will write to her (if i feel calm enough to write) and we will read together, so I have a way to make sure I tell her.
I so wish she could see me twice a week, I've told her it was so hard in-between sessions lately but she hasn't offered that so I don't want to pressure her or risk being rejected by her, that would really hurt me..
I saw her yesterday and it happened again, I burst into tears unable to say a word of what I wanted to say. and now again, thinking of all the days till next friday makes me feel desperate :-(
Thank you for sharing with me, maybe I will try to tell her or ask her if she could consider seeing me twice a week at least for a little while till I am more stable..
Thank you for sharing and posting back.
I liked what your T shared with you :-)
Thanks again,
Adia

> Welcome to the conversation Adia! fallsfall's post just made me think of this: have you thought about seeing your therp twice a week for awhile? I know that times when I've been feeling like I'm having a hard time making it to the next appt, I schedule double sessions that week. I know that might not be feasible time or $ wise, but it's just an idea. I think it's great that you can e-mail her between sessions! I would definitely be doing that if I had my therapist's e-mail address (I think its odd how all these therapists have different policies on out of session communication).
>
> Also, something else you made me think of...I am always thinking, thinking, thinking of what I didn't say to my therapist, what I should have said, what I will say next week, how she will respond, etc. (racing thoughts, I think?) and it nearly drives me crazy. I know this isn't what you described happens to you, but I do understand that feeling of desperation that comes from not having said something you intended to say. My therapist said something to me once, that I always repeat to myself when this whole thing gets bad. She said, "everything you want to say in therapy will come out eventually." I know that's not anything all that profound, but somehow it gets me thru.
>
> Glad you decided to start posting here.
> Take care--A

 

Re: Why bother with therapy?

Posted by Adia on August 30, 2003, at 12:51:49

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia, posted by fallsfall on August 27, 2003, at 9:14:04

Hi..
Thank you so much for posting back to me.
It really means a lot!!
I'm going through a hard time and it helps to be able to share a bit or hear how others have coped or dealt with things in T..
Thank you for sharing with me.
My focus right now is to get through the days till i can see my T on fridays...I do feel I need her so much and I so need the safety she makes me feel. It's the only moment of the week when I feel safe and loved...
I try to feel close to her writing in between sessions..
Thank you for sharing and letting me share too.
It really helps..
Adia

> I can certainly relate to that! Therapy has often seemed the only important focus of my week. She would encourage me to "get a life" so that therapy wouldn't be my life. But that was not something I could do. With my new therapist I don't feel that way as much. I don't know if that is because he sees me twice a week, or because our relationship is too new to have that kind of depth (?).
>
> It sounds like you are trying to do what you can to make progress in your therapy. It is hard when you can't say what you need to say. I often would write things down and then read them, or have her read them if I couldn't speak the words.
>
> I'm glad that you have some support from her between sessions.
>
> I'm glad you posted, Adia. Let us know how it goes!

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby

Posted by Adia on August 30, 2003, at 12:55:23

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia, posted by stebby on August 27, 2003, at 19:49:52

Hi Stebby,
Thank you so much for writing back and making me feel welcome...
I've been reading a lot here and it helps to feel less alone in your feelings and to be able to learn a bit and share and find out you are not alone in how you feel.
Thank you for writing..I'm here hanging on in between sessions somehow, it does help so much not to feel less alone right now.
Thanks!
Adia.
> Adia, Glad you decided to post. It has been very helpful for me in the short time I have been posting here. Suddenly I am aware that there are these other people out there going through the same stuff. Its very comforting to know you are not alone even if it is only in cyberspace! In someways its much better than talking to a friend who you have to worry about judgement and telling others, etc. Anyway, it sounds like your having a rough time, but its good that you have esatblished such a solid relationship with your therapist, and she can help you get through life. I definitely know that desperate feeling you talk about that happens to you in between sessions....uughhh....thats the worst. Hope you are doing okay.

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia

Posted by stebby on August 30, 2003, at 20:50:35

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby, posted by Adia on August 30, 2003, at 12:55:23

Hi Adia, What is it that makes it so hard between sessions that sometimes you feel like you won't survive untilthe next one? Then you get there and forget everything you want to say. Somehow its just nice to be with soeone who understands you. Often when I have left therapy, I feel like I'm all alone again and have to be strong again. I wonder if that feeling ever goes away. I often wonder (which is why I started this thread in the first place) if all of these feelings are somehow worth it. I just can't seem to get past the idea of the fact that I'm paying someone to make me feel loved and cared about. This probably isn't what you need to hear about right now, but its on my mind. And then, when you feel that love and caring, you feel you can't survive without it and you long for it everyday. Then I get sad that her love isn't real. Do you know what I mean?

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby

Posted by Adia on August 31, 2003, at 13:08:21

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia, posted by stebby on August 30, 2003, at 20:50:35

Sorry this is a bit long... :(

Hi stebby,
Thank you for taking the time to respond...
I do understand..so much. I've been struggling with the very same feelings...
I do crave to have her love and care and I feel I need that love and safety to get through the days..She has told me that in my fantasy I wish somehow that she could adopt me and take care of me as if I were a child.
I too felt bad (sometimes I still do) inside for somehow knowing I had to pay to feel loved. But I do believe that she cares about me. I try to think that she just has to make a living like everyone else and needs the money but that our relationship is real...
I have asked her soooo many times if it was real, if she could accept me and love me or if i had a place in her heart..I asked her lots of times if I could trust that our relationship is real. She has always reassured me that it is..Maybe you should ask your T and tell her how you are feeling? maybe you have already. I think that maybe you need to address all this with her? I believe that a T does care and that it is real. I do feel my T cares about me. I hold on to the things she's done which show me that, she has told me that our relationship is real, even though it's a special kind of relationship and she can't love me the way I want her to...(as a mother would love her child) But that she loves me as a T, from her heart. She has cried with me, she has said I love you very much..she has always been there for me, even when she didn't have to be. I've called her thousand times in b/sessions, I've even waited for her in the stairs of her office, crying, in the middle of a crisis and she has stayed with me till I was better.
About the money, I sometimes can't help thinking that I am paying to be loved and that's sad and painful, but then I think that my therapist waits when I can't pay her, she has waited entire months without me paying her,she has told me we would always work something out, that she just had to make a living..but that she wants the best for me and we are going to work together.
I do believe in her. I so wish you could believe in your T too...She has explained to me how in between sessions it's not that I just disappear from her heart,she told me i had trouble internalizing things, or believing that she was with me even though we didn't see each other every day. She explained that the safety I seek doesn't exist..But that it doesn't mean that care goes away, that we are in each other's hearts. In a different way, but no less real.
I do feel it's true, I feel she has no reasons to lie to me or not to be honest when she knows that the truth is what I most need and she would kill me if she ever lied to me about something as important as that. She told me I have to believe in the strength of our bond. That when she's there with me, as a T, she is giving me all she is, all she has...that it is real and from her heart.
We have talked about transference and how from my abuse history and issues I sometimes wish she were my mother and I look for that kind of protection from her and I go to her as a little girl...and I fear all the time she will leave me and I need reassurance and if I don't hear her say I care about you I don't know if it is like that still or I have done something to lose it.
I've asked her if she can care about me..if she does and she has said she does and I feel she has proved that by what she's done for me.
I really hope you can talk about it with your T...
In my opinion, the love and care is real..
it's a special kind of relationship but it's real...
I may be trying to convince myself of this :-) but it's how i feel it..
I've felt the way you do lots of times, and I have struggled in the past year to get past those feelings you are having..and I do feel that I can trust that the feelings are real,I know it's painful, and I still have moments in which I don't know if I should believe...I feel scared to need her so much, to need her to love me. It hurts to have such a deep need and ache inside. Sometimes it does scare me to feel that her caring is what keeps me alive...cause I feel she has so much power over me. It terrifies me, she reassures me she has made a commitment with me and a promise and she won't abandon me.
I don't know if any of this helps in any way,
I just wanted to share how I feel it and let you know that I understand...
I think you should really try to share with your T, maybe you already have...Why do you feel that her care and love is not real? If you haven't shared with her, I think it would be so good if you could talk and somehow get to feel that it is real and it's not all about money...
I wish you the very best,
Adia.


> Hi Adia, What is it that makes it so hard between sessions that sometimes you feel like you won't survive untilthe next one? Then you get there and forget everything you want to say. Somehow its just nice to be with soeone who understands you. Often when I have left therapy, I feel like I'm all alone again and have to be strong again. I wonder if that feeling ever goes away. I often wonder (which is why I started this thread in the first place) if all of these feelings are somehow worth it. I just can't seem to get past the idea of the fact that I'm paying someone to make me feel loved and cared about. This probably isn't what you need to hear about right now, but its on my mind. And then, when you feel that love and caring, you feel you can't survive without it and you long for it everyday. Then I get sad that her love isn't real. Do you know what I mean?

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia

Posted by stebby on August 31, 2003, at 21:28:28

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby, posted by Adia on August 31, 2003, at 13:08:21

Adia, Your message was so heart felt, it brought tears to my eyes. To have had such a difficult childhood and then have someone who is completely there for you like she is is heart-warming. I'm glad you can trust her like you do and I desperately want to trust my T like that, and I think I do. One of the problems is that my first T did in effect "abandon" me. She had to terminate and then when I saw her on the street she ignored me. I thought she had a special place in her heart for me. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. Since then, I cannot seem to get past this idea, that the therapist is just doing her job by being caring, but its not real. I have talked to my T about this, and she was reassuring, but of course she is, that is her job. I am going to talk to her again about it on Tuesday. It keeps coming up. She has never done anything to break my trust, but I think its going to take time given my first experience with transference and therapy. I am really afraid to let myself feel that close again and keep trying to convince myself that she's really a fake, so as not to get hurt again.

I really appreciate your supportive words and the effort you put into your note to me. It means a lot.

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia

Posted by crushedout on September 3, 2003, at 16:47:02

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby, posted by Adia on August 31, 2003, at 13:08:21


Adia, your message brought tears to my eyes, too. And it was soooo helpful for me in thinking about my therapy. Thank you so much.

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby

Posted by Adia on September 3, 2003, at 21:29:58

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia, posted by stebby on August 31, 2003, at 21:28:28

Hi stebby,
your post meant so much to me! Thank you for feeling it with me...
I so hope you can build trust with your T..I'm really sorry you had such a painful experience with your previous one. I would be devastated if mine abandoned me and I would have such difficulty to trust someone new and let someone close again. I understand the fears you're having after what you went through. It is scary to let someone close and risk being hurt...I still feel scared of giving my T so much power to hurt me, but after all I've been through with her I do feel her in my heart without doubting everything she tells me. I am really, really sorry your previous T hurt you so much.
You are very brave for trying to trust someone new. It takes time to trust, I do hope you can believe in your T and in what she tells you..Maybe you still have lots of work to do with her in order to build trust and so that you can feel in your heart that her care and what she gives you and tells you is very real.
I am glad you're giving her a chance...
I would encourage you to just keep talking to her and telling her your fears and hurt over all of this. I know it is scary to let someone close after being hurt so badly, I hope you can build trust with your T and start believing in your heart that what she gives you is real. I tell my T that I really need her to reassure me, I tell her that I am afraid of her not loving me anymore or not being with me, I tell her if I feel scared of things not being real, and every time she reassures me, and it helps some...Maybe you can try to share a bit with your T and tell her about the fears you are having...I hope she can be there for you and you can build a solid, strong bond with her, based on honesty, truth, respect and gentle love.
Thank you for listening to me and sharing back.
wishing you lots of trust with your T,
Adia

> Adia, Your message was so heart felt, it brought tears to my eyes. To have had such a difficult childhood and then have someone who is completely there for you like she is is heart-warming. I'm glad you can trust her like you do and I desperately want to trust my T like that, and I think I do. One of the problems is that my first T did in effect "abandon" me. She had to terminate and then when I saw her on the street she ignored me. I thought she had a special place in her heart for me. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. Since then, I cannot seem to get past this idea, that the therapist is just doing her job by being caring, but its not real. I have talked to my T about this, and she was reassuring, but of course she is, that is her job. I am going to talk to her again about it on Tuesday. It keeps coming up. She has never done anything to break my trust, but I think its going to take time given my first experience with transference and therapy. I am really afraid to let myself feel that close again and keep trying to convince myself that she's really a fake, so as not to get hurt again.
>
> I really appreciate your supportive words and the effort you put into your note to me. It means a lot.

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? crushedout

Posted by Adia on September 3, 2003, at 21:32:56

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia, posted by crushedout on September 3, 2003, at 16:47:02

Hi..
I'm glad it helped you in some way...It actually helps me to feel my therapist closer to my heart, too. :o)
Thank YOU for reading and 'listening' to me...
I'm really glad it helped you to think about your therapy...
all the best,
Adia.

> Adia, your message brought tears to my eyes, too. And it was soooo helpful for me in thinking about my therapy. Thank you so much.

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? Adia

Posted by stebby on September 4, 2003, at 19:43:42

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby, posted by Adia on September 3, 2003, at 21:29:58

Adia, Thanks for your support. I'm not sure I will ever get over what happened with my first T. I should have never gone with an inexperienced therapist. She was not trained to deal with transference and I think it really scared her. I never crossed any boundaries until the therapy was over and I called her at home. She was so angry with me...I cried and cried afterwards. It was awful.

I have talked about it with my new T and its mortifying, but good to be able to talk to someone about it all. Luckily, my new T is very experienced...I think she can handle it, but I still fear what she is really thinking...Thanks for listening. Hope you are doing well.

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby

Posted by corafree on August 24, 2004, at 17:10:59

In reply to Why bother with therapy?, posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 11:00:07

Hi. Are you talking about DBT therapy for BPersonD? I am stuck a bit, missing appts., being late, etc., and have not yet begun DBT therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy. Is this the therapy you all are discussing here? Appreciate your more current info posted here about becoming dependent (for lack of better word) on a T. My therapist and I have communicated about our feelings towards one another. I asked her how she feels about me, caucasian, middle class, born in America, while her family lives in Iran?? She explained quietly and with a kind smile that it was not an issue. I was afraid she might hold some prejudicial feelings. Also, after being 'noncompliant' (missing or being late to appts), I asked if her feelings for me had changed? I believe that we do need to connect, but it not be a 'special' relationship for her or me. If I am worried about our relationship, I just spill it out. If you are discussing dialectical behavioral therapy, or just therapy itself, I am open to any info you could share. I do have borderline personality disorder. Best wishes cf

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? corafree

Posted by stebby on August 25, 2004, at 17:50:40

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby, posted by corafree on August 24, 2004, at 17:10:59

> Hello,
We weren't specifically talking about DBT or BorderPers disorder although I'm sure it could apply. We were talking about transference and how difficult it is to deal with. Even though that post was a year ago, I am still struggling with it. My therapist knows, and we try to work with it. RU worried you will develop transference?
Stebby

Hi. Are you talking about DBT therapy for BPersonD? I am stuck a bit, missing appts., being late, etc., and have not yet begun DBT therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy. Is this the therapy you all are discussing here? Appreciate your more current info posted here about becoming dependent (for lack of better word) on a T. My therapist and I have communicated about our feelings towards one another. I asked her how she feels about me, caucasian, middle class, born in America, while her family lives in Iran?? She explained quietly and with a kind smile that it was not an issue. I was afraid she might hold some prejudicial feelings. Also, after being 'noncompliant' (missing or being late to appts), I asked if her feelings for me had changed? I believe that we do need to connect, but it not be a 'special' relationship for her or me. If I am worried about our relationship, I just spill it out. If you are discussing dialectical behavioral therapy, or just therapy itself, I am open to any info you could share. I do have borderline personality disorder. Best wishes cf

 

Re: Why bother with therapy?

Posted by Starlight on August 27, 2004, at 12:24:32

In reply to Why bother with therapy?, posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 11:00:07

Hi Stebby,
I'm sure alot of people won't like this, but I'm with you. I haven't had the transferance issues, but I'm through with therapy. I think that overall, you have to learn to love yourself, faults and all before you can move on. I think that some people really need it, as long as they think they need it, but like you said, I feel like just another client where the therapist pretends to be concerned for you, but is really just looking at you from a clinical perspective, and in the end, you're just another client coming in the swinging door.

In your case - LOVE the part of you that wants to hurt yourself. Accept and care for both parts. You might want to start studying some buddhist reading material. I'm not promoting Buddhism, but there are some wonderful approaches to handling life. Once you accept and love that part of you, you aim to deny, you can let go of the guilt and shame that you have surrounding the desire to hurt yourself. There is no guilt and shame in that - for whatever reason, you use this method as a way of both protecting yourself and reaching out to others. But you've got to dig deep and learn to recognize that spark of God that you are. There are some excellent books on Jnana Yoga as well. Jnana Yoga aims to teach full acceptance of the self so that you can learn to celebrate who you are and be released from guilt and shame.
Starlight

 

Re: Why bother with therapy?

Posted by Starlight on August 27, 2004, at 13:11:03

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? ? stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 15:30:49

Why do you think that you focus on her that way? I'm just curious. The other thing about thereapists is that I think they tend to cultivate a relationship based on dependency, rather than to help you realize your own strength, kind of like an affirmation that you really 'need' them, rather than an affirmation that you already have everything you need, you just need to figure out how to recognize and honor every single part of you.
starlight

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby

Posted by corafree on August 27, 2004, at 14:53:15

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? corafree, posted by stebby on August 25, 2004, at 17:50:40

Stebby: I guess I was just trying to understand transference. Is it like, if T thinks I'm o.k., I am, and vice-versa? Did see my T wed and am going to begin DBT soon. I have seen many therapists over the past 20+ yrs and all I knew was that there were two types, the here and now kind, and the go back and find out what happened kind. I really never had the $ to go w/ the latter, and it's not very popular today. Anyway, I just need all the info and support I can get. I'm dealing with BperdonD, possibly Attention Deficit Disorder, Grief, and Chronic Pain, so I check out all these issues here. Tks cf

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? Starlight

Posted by Susan47 on August 27, 2004, at 15:05:07

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Starlight on August 27, 2004, at 13:11:03

I don't think my therapist was trying to cultivate dependency, I think he was afraid of it. But it happened to some degree anyway, because of the transference.
I just finished talking with him on the telephone very briefly, he was stiff and unnatural (I heard a door opening, maybe a client walked in) but it was a quick conversation, and you know what I was thinking when I hung up? "What a silly man".
He has all his defenses up when I'm around. I'm sorry, but I think that's silly, I don't understand it, and I'm glad I don't see him anymore. Ah.
I agree with your previous post too, Starlight. It's important to love yourself and be self-dependent; the more I do that the better I'm feeling. Of course, Babble does help a lot. It's nice to see you here again Starlight. Hasn't it been a while?

 

Re: Why bother with therapy? Starlight

Posted by stebby on August 27, 2004, at 20:33:36

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Starlight on August 27, 2004, at 12:24:32

Hi Starlight,
I really wish I could give up therapy, but I'm so attached it would be devastating. It does frustrate me endlessly that I am just another client coming through the door, and the attachment is so one-sided. Thanks you for the advice on the Buddhism reading. I will check it out.
Have you dealt with self-injury issues yourself? You seem to know a lot about it.
Stebby
> Hi Stebby,
> I'm sure alot of people won't like this, but I'm with you. I haven't had the transferance issues, but I'm through with therapy. I think that overall, you have to learn to love yourself, faults and all before you can move on. I think that some people really need it, as long as they think they need it, but like you said, I feel like just another client where the therapist pretends to be concerned for you, but is really just looking at you from a clinical perspective, and in the end, you're just another client coming in the swinging door.
>
> In your case - LOVE the part of you that wants to hurt yourself. Accept and care for both parts. You might want to start studying some buddhist reading material. I'm not promoting Buddhism, but there are some wonderful approaches to handling life. Once you accept and love that part of you, you aim to deny, you can let go of the guilt and shame that you have surrounding the desire to hurt yourself. There is no guilt and shame in that - for whatever reason, you use this method as a way of both protecting yourself and reaching out to others. But you've got to dig deep and learn to recognize that spark of God that you are. There are some excellent books on Jnana Yoga as well. Jnana Yoga aims to teach full acceptance of the self so that you can learn to celebrate who you are and be released from guilt and shame.
> Starlight

 

Re: Why bother with therapy?

Posted by stebby on August 27, 2004, at 20:39:55

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? stebby, posted by corafree on August 27, 2004, at 14:53:15

Corafree,
Transference is being in love, but its not real love, or so they say, because you are just projecting. It does start from the T thinking you are okay, making you feel accepted even though she knows all these horrible things about you. Its very seductive to have someone in a powerful role to approve of you. I guess that's why it happens to me all the time. Have you had DBT before? When were you diagnosed BordPD and how did you know?

> Stebby: I guess I was just trying to understand transference. Is it like, if T thinks I'm o.k., I am, and vice-versa? Did see my T wed and am going to begin DBT soon. I have seen many therapists over the past 20+ yrs and all I knew was that there were two types, the here and now kind, and the go back and find out what happened kind. I really never had the $ to go w/ the latter, and it's not very popular today. Anyway, I just need all the info and support I can get. I'm dealing with BperdonD, possibly Attention Deficit Disorder, Grief, and Chronic Pain, so I check out all these issues here. Tks cf
>
>

 

Re: Why bother with therapy?

Posted by allisonf on August 28, 2004, at 0:15:03

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by stebby on August 27, 2004, at 20:39:55

Wow! I just cked in and saw this thread was going again! I often wonder how everyone has been--Dinah, fallsfall, Penny, Adia, Stebby. Hope you are all well. You were such a big support for me when I was posting a year ago.

Corafree, sorry to hear you are going thru a rough time. I would be interested to hear about the DBT.

Just an update: I am still in therapy, but the transference is a little better. I think I'm slowly starting to accept that I'm never going to be able to be anything but a client to my therapist. Honestly, I think I just hit on the right meds and that settled down my obsessive thoughts.

I would be interested to hear how some of the original posters on this thread have fared with their transference issues.

Hope everyone is doing well!

 

Re: Why bother with therapy?

Posted by angie_o_ on August 28, 2004, at 7:39:52

In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Starlight on August 27, 2004, at 12:24:32

Hi,

I have been going on and off for the last 2 years. I usally get really stressed out after a session and can remain stirred up and upset for days after. I have changed T's to help it. I think it was my last T's fault, just what she said and did.
Now I am trying to talk about positive future things only. How to think, what to do etc..
This T is older and more assured and seems to care more about me moving on to better things instead of digging through every negative aspect of my life.
Hopefully this will renew my faith in therapy.


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