Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 1466

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Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Newcomer on August 21, 2003, at 18:32:14

In reply to Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer, posted by Penny on August 21, 2003, at 15:18:56

Thanks Penny,

I'm glad to know that you've grown from persevering with your transference. How does someone like me work through it? I guess I didn't know how to deal with it, so my response was to not deal with it.

I can understand how you felt jealous of your therapist's new baby. I found it hard to handle what I saw as my therapist's close relationship with his young daughter. It wasn't a jealous feeling, I used to ache because I wanted that closeness but knew I couldn't have it.

The experience has highlighted that I need to sort this out. I suppose I'm holding back because I'm wary of coping with all the feelings it might unleash.

Thanks again for your insight.
Gail

 

Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer

Posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 19:07:54

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Newcomer on August 21, 2003, at 18:04:45

If you had a good relationship with your old therapist, then I would recommend that you go back to him to work this out. (I would check to see the type of therapy that he's doing, though) It sounds like he wasn't CBT.

When I was looking for my new therapist, I interviewed a number of people. I asked one whether, since my transference was for my mother, I should choose a man or woman. He said "Choose a good therapist". He was the therapist I chose. I find it really interesting that the transference I have now is for my dad - not my mother. He has said that it really doesn't matter what the sex of the therapist is - that the transference will occur anyway.

Therapy can address the father-fixation type of problem. I would think that it could be done through transference. And this may very well be what was going on in your therapy.

This stuff can be pretty scary. You are seeing and changing pretty fundamental parts of you. I know that I need to do this - I don't feel like I have a choice. I am very much looking forward to life after therapy - I'm hoping it will be easier.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Rigby on August 22, 2003, at 12:40:45

In reply to Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer, posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 19:07:54

Hi There,

From my experience, one where I only recently really made a ton of headway through transference, I stuck w/ the same therapist. I quit a few times but never felt comfortable permanently quitting so I finally just decided to stay until I feel comfortable leaving (advice I got from a friend of a friend who is a therapist.)

I think the whole transference deal is like a lot of things in life: once you come clean, admit your feelings, discuss them with your therapist it *really* takes the edge off. I've found out only over the past few weeks and thanks to help from people here that if you just accept that it's transference, that you give in to the feelings, that you express them to the therapist it all deflates or it has for me.

So, although it's hard to say exactly you might want to give it a shot and go back to your therapist as Falls suggests, and work it through--I bet you will end up feeling a lot better for it. You cannot get away from feeling the level of deprivation you felt as a child but by feeling it and aknowleding it you can truly move forward.

Also, if your most intense issues are with your dad it really might be a more powerful experience to stick with the male therapist--harder but possibly the best choice. I know but the only way out is through, eh?

Best,

Rigby

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Eggy on August 31, 2003, at 0:44:57

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Rigby on August 22, 2003, at 12:40:45

Are you saying if I am heartbroken because my therapist isn't my dad and I am spending way too much time hoping, wishing and thinking about him being my dad then I should tell him that? Wouldn't he see that as a dependency issue. I DO NOT want my therapist knowing I am dependant. (Like he doesn't already know but...you know what I mean). Because I do wish my dad was just like him. Better yet I wish my therapist would adopt me or marry me or hire me as a housekeeper or something!!!!

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by noa on September 1, 2003, at 9:42:07

In reply to Re: therapist revelations Ľ Newcomer, posted by Penny on August 21, 2003, at 15:18:56

Like Newcomer, I've had the regressed transference, too, but my therapist was great in helping me with it--he was very accepting and we spent a lot of time exploring the feelings over time. He was also very gentle and patient about it, as I couldn't always tolerate the exploration, or could only talk about it in small amounts. He also is good at examining his own role in the here and now of our interactions, and he will "own", at his own initiative, how he might have contributed to a particular reaction I had during a session, etc.. He is not a CBT therapist--he seems to draw from various approaches, and probably leans toward the psychodynamic side, but not exclusively. He does use some CBT approaches, but it isn't CBT therapy with homework, etc. at all.

Even if one is in CBT treatment, it seems to me that it would be good to have a therapist who has both skills--CBT, and an awareness of how to deal with transference, and integrates the two, no? I think it's obvious from all the posts on this topic and similar topics, that transference happens. So even if a therapist doesn't use a therapy method that focuses primarily on the transference (like psychoanalysis), it seems like all therapists should be trained to recognize transference issues and deal with them in a way that defuses the embarrasment, etc. Otherwise, all that stuff is just going to get in the way of the goals of the CBT anyway.

But insurance companies love CBT because it supposedly can be done in a very time limited way. Addressing these transference issues adds time to the treatment.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Newcomer on September 1, 2003, at 10:47:21

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by noa on September 1, 2003, at 9:42:07

I wish I found this site a lot earlier when I was struggling with the transference and feeling alone with it. Itís great to get all your different viewpoints. On an intellectual level, I know the best way to deal with transference is to go back to my therapist and work through it, but like Eggy I donít want him to know - itís too embarrassing for words. Despite that Iím feeling more motivated by being reminded itís the best way and as Rigby says, the only way out is through.

Does anyone know about something called the Hoffman Process? Itís an 8 day intensive residential course that is supposed to deal very effectively with parental issues. After about 100 hrs of work you emerge dazed the other end having left behind the negative stuff from your childhood. I was thinking that might be a better option than longer term therapy for someone like me who looks for father figures everywhere.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Rigby on September 2, 2003, at 10:14:32

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Newcomer on September 1, 2003, at 10:47:21

Hi There,

Have never heard of the Hoffman project. But Fallsfall I think recommended a book to me which I just finished reading (did it in a couple of sessions this weekend) called In Session by Deborah Lott (you can get it used on Amazon for a few bucks.) It truly demystifies all these transference feelings and what I found amazing is that so many of us go into therapy clueless about transference and when we get slammed with it we're freaked out (we're in love with our therapists--we're freaking out, no it's true love--can't anyone believe us??) and this book shows us how common that is. It also discusses what happens if we take the therapy-love outside of the therapist's office--it's an interesting exercise to think about what happens *after* that first kiss or first sexual encounter with the therapist--then what? They've got kids maybe to deal with, a partner who's pissed off, maybe they've got horrible breath and terrible habits and traits we cannot stand. I mean it all gets really real and the odds of therapy-love holding up to anything outside of the room are very, very slim. Which kinda forces us to look at why we feel we're in love with or obsessed w/ this person--and the focus comes back to us. If a therapist doesn't handle transference well then it's a problem, of course. But if you read this book you'll become a lot more enlightened--I highly recommend it and thank Fallsfall for recommending it to me.

Hugs,

Rigby

 

I did the Hoffman process

Posted by kara lynne on September 2, 2003, at 19:39:41

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Newcomer on September 1, 2003, at 10:47:21

I think it has a good premise, but as with anything it requires follow through. It didn't end up being a substitute for therapy (for me anyway) in the long run. It provides the charged up atmosphere that lends itself to that carthartic moment, but I think there's a bit of artificialty in that. Life isn't filled with dramatic music playing in the backround and a group of people following you around doing psycho drama around all your issues ---thank God! Having said that, it does offer some good tools and well--processes for dealing with things.

Good luck.

 

Re: therapist revelations

Posted by Newcomer on September 3, 2003, at 12:11:16

In reply to Re: therapist revelations, posted by Rigby on September 2, 2003, at 10:14:32

Hi Rigby

Ordered the book on Amazon and canít wait to get it now, it sounds ideal. Thanks to you and Fallsfall for the recommendation. It takes the edge off the embarrassment when you know youíre not the only one who has the problem and I hope the book will give me some more clarity in terms of how to deal with it.

I had this stupid situation with my therapist where I avoided talking about anything that showed me in a bad light, the same as when you start a new relationship and only want to show your good side. So after I deal with the embarrassment Iíll have to tackle that if I go back to the same therapist, otherwise itís a bit pointless if I only want him to know the nice things. Do you think that dealing with your transference helps in your life and relationships? Iíd like to think so, but I'm beginning to realize that the person I am is so wrapped up in father figures so to speak, I canít imagine anything else.

Take care.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by Newcomer on September 3, 2003, at 12:33:48

In reply to I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 2, 2003, at 19:39:41

Hi Kara,

A bunch of people doing psycho drama round my issues! How horrific! Perhaps the Hoffman Process isnít for me after all. I went to a talk where people who have done it shared their experiences and they were overwhelmingly evangelical about it (but no-one said much about whatís involved), so itís good to get a balanced view from you. I was keen to do it but being a retiring English person, Iíve gone all faint and wobbly at the thought of psycho drama and group therapy and donít think Iíd manage it very well. If you donít mind me asking, did you have parental issues that were addressed by the process? I imagine it would be disappointing to go through all that soul-baring and not get something positive and lasting from it.

Gail

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by kara lynne on September 3, 2003, at 18:18:04

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by Newcomer on September 3, 2003, at 12:33:48

Hi Newcomer,
I hate to be the one to dissuade you from something you felt compelled to do, but I do feel it's right to get a balanced viewpoint. And yes, those people are *so* evangelical, and angelic-al, and make it all look so good it's hard to resist. That's what they count on! I guess they stay in some sort of pumped up enthusiasm with their constant involvement. I don't want to make it sound like it was all psychodrama, but you do offer yourself up for some group interaction and it might be a lot for a retiring English person. It was a lot for a retiring American. There were a couple of things that went on that I still wonder about: during one exercise I felt that someone was humiliated publicly in an effort to 'break' him of his pattern. I can't remember how much secrecy I was sworn to about describing these exercises and I don't mean to invalidate every part of it. But I do think that this person was treated quite ignorantly, especially in retrospect. He had OCD which obviously needed to be chemically addressed although at the time I wouldn't have known that. There is a thin line in those situations between a therapeutic environment or public humiliation.

In answer to your question I had (and have) deep parental issues that were addressed by the process. Now that you've got me thinking about it I'll go look through my journals and see if I can't tell you something clearer about that. (I did the process many years ago.)

The premise is a good one and there are some good ideas. I would look at it as one more step along the path with some useful tools and information, not as a quick fix miracle (at least not for me). There's kind of an initial endorphin rush that comes from doing a lot of emotional release--if you end up doing that--but life comes back quickly. Very quickly.

 

Re: In Session suggestion is from Dinah - Thanks! (nm)

Posted by fallsfall on September 3, 2003, at 20:50:31

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 3, 2003, at 18:18:04

 

Re: I think it's a universal suggestion by now. :) Ľ fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2003, at 21:10:46

In reply to Re: In Session suggestion is from Dinah - Thanks! (nm), posted by fallsfall on September 3, 2003, at 20:50:31

Everyone just loves that book. I think it should be required reading in therapy school.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process Ľ kara lynne

Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2003, at 21:21:30

In reply to I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 2, 2003, at 19:39:41

I'm just curious. My therapist has advised me against doing any marathon type therapy. He seems to think I haven't the ego defenses to withstand it.

So I have this picture of people dropping like flies. Is it as stressful as he makes it out to be?

 

Ooops!! Thank you, Dinah!! :) (nt)

Posted by Rigby on September 3, 2003, at 23:55:43

In reply to Re: I think it's a universal suggestion by now. :) Ľ fallsfall, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2003, at 21:10:46

nt

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by Newcomer on September 4, 2003, at 9:16:51

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 3, 2003, at 18:18:04

Hi Kara,

Please donít think youíre dissuading me, I want to weigh up the options before doing it and would hate to give up a week of my life and pay all that money for something that isnít right. So itís good to have your insight. I was very tempted to do the process (and yes, all those radiant people talking about how it turned their lives around is persuasive) but bearing in mind how I used to struggle so much in one hour of therapy a week, it sounds too intense. Despite that I like the idea of the intensive nature in that youíre forced to deal with your life in one big go and thereís no getting away. Plus, the emotional release would be helpful, it could really give you a kick-start to go on to longer term improvements. But in practice I probably need something gentler.

They put a lot of emphasis on how you get energy from the group and are supported throughout, but I can see that your experience was a little different. I wouldnít want to do it unless there was a supportive and understanding approach, whereas it sounds like it could get heavy handed. Perhaps I need to have a better go with therapy before considering it. I just feel this strong pull towards it (not sure why) but I have to remind myself to be realistic about what Iím capable of.

Best wishes

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by kara lynne on September 4, 2003, at 11:05:47

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by Newcomer on September 4, 2003, at 9:16:51

I do think you get energy from the group; that's the whole dynamic. And I do think you are supported throughout. That's part of what makes it an environment that doesn't really carry over--you don't have the intensity of the group dynamic following you around in your every day life. But I still question a few things that happened during the time I took it.

I'm sorry if I seem to be contradicting myself. I don't think it compares to something like EST in terms of 'heavy handedness'. In fact, I wouldn't even let that be the deciding factor if I were you. I would try to determine how useful it might be in the long run. And it may be useful for you, I just don't think it's a substitute for therapy.

And I don't know how they bottle all that radiance-- they must put something in the water.

I'm sorry if I'm confusing you more! I would just hate to keep you from something you're that drawn to. There might be something in it for you.

Take care.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by Newcomer on September 4, 2003, at 17:06:33

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 4, 2003, at 11:05:47

I'm kinda confusing myself over whether or not to do it, so the best thing is probably to leave it a while. Sounds like you exist in a rare little bubble during the course of the process and I suppose the trick is to translate that into the real world when you get back to day-to-day life.

I hope it was worthwhile for you even though there weren't any miracles. Even if I don't do it, I'm going to ask for a bottle of that radiance stuff.

G
x

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by mywayorthehighway on October 27, 2003, at 8:12:46

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process Ľ kara lynne, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2003, at 21:21:30

I did the process two years ago - it was so well lead and carefully managed - that even as a deeply cynical person I came away realising that there is real love and help available from the process - I would advise you to go with an open heat and mind and trust yourself.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process Ľ mywayorthehighway

Posted by Newcomer on October 27, 2003, at 9:44:51

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by mywayorthehighway on October 27, 2003, at 8:12:46

Thank you for your feedback, Iím glad you had a positive experience. Has it helped you over the last two years? I got the feeling that it might be the sort of thing that gets you all fired up at first, but that wears off and long term the benefits arenít that great. Itís a big step for me to do it (financially as well as emotionally) so Iíd like to feel that it could have long term improvements, perhaps coupled with more mainstream therapy. As you advise, I think that I could go into it with an open heart, but Iím not sure I can trust myself. There seems to be a lot of Ďletting goí as part of the process and Iím worried that if I let go too much Iíll fall apart and they wonít be able to put me back together again in a matter of days.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by mywayorthehighway on October 27, 2003, at 10:08:20

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process Ľ mywayorthehighway, posted by Newcomer on October 27, 2003, at 9:44:51

Hi - Yes it still works! Initially there is this fantastic euphoria and self-belief. In my case even after two years I know that I use The Process every day of my life. I am aware, I fall into a pattern and can see I am doing it. Yes there is a lot of "letting go" - but when I did my process I went thinking that my emotional baggage was so terrible and shocking that if I let go no one would help me rebuild. But the love and support of my group and the teachers guidance and faith in the real me soon made me appreciate that I was no worse or better than anyone else. The Process is "intense" but the effect is even more so - Have faith - its a very brave decision to decide to do it - the effect is empowering.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by mywayorthehighway on October 27, 2003, at 10:13:19

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process Ľ mywayorthehighway, posted by Newcomer on October 27, 2003, at 9:44:51

If it helps and you want to chat use my e.mail pwilliams@psc.uk.com - I too am a retiring english person LOL

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by Staylor on November 4, 2003, at 15:16:37

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by kara lynne on September 4, 2003, at 11:05:47

It is interesting that you should mention EST. Raz Ingrasci is the President of Hoffman Institute, and was the Director of International Programs for EST in the seventies. As recently as 1990, he was Director of Corporate Affairs of Lifespring (an offspring of EST).

I have heard mixed things about the process. I would be careful before anyone puts their mental health in the hands of someone other than a trained professional.

> I do think you get energy from the group; that's the whole dynamic. And I do think you are supported throughout. That's part of what makes it an environment that doesn't really carry over--you don't have the intensity of the group dynamic following you around in your every day life. But I still question a few things that happened during the time I took it.
>
> I'm sorry if I seem to be contradicting myself. I don't think it compares to something like EST in terms of 'heavy handedness'. In fact, I wouldn't even let that be the deciding factor if I were you. I would try to determine how useful it might be in the long run. And it may be useful for you, I just don't think it's a substitute for therapy.
>
> And I don't know how they bottle all that radiance-- they must put something in the water.
>
> I'm sorry if I'm confusing you more! I would just hate to keep you from something you're that drawn to. There might be something in it for you.
>
> Take care.

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by mywayorthehighway on November 5, 2003, at 4:45:04

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by Staylor on November 4, 2003, at 15:16:37

You say : "I have heard mixed things about the process. I would be careful before anyone puts their mental health in the hands of someone other than a trained professional."

That rather implies that the Hoffman teachers are "untrained amateurs" . My experience of The Process and it teachers was one of enormous professionalism and dedication.

You say that you have heard "mixed things" about the process - maybe you could be more specific.

I dont want to be rude here but it appears to me that a little knowledge could be a dangerous thing!!

Best wishes

 

Re: I did the Hoffman process

Posted by Staylor on November 5, 2003, at 12:47:46

In reply to Re: I did the Hoffman process, posted by mywayorthehighway on November 5, 2003, at 4:45:04

Well you certainly sound defensive. Isn't that a negative trait that should have been bashed out?

According to the Hoffman Website, a majority of the Process Faculty do not have an advanced degree in Pyschology or Psychiatry. They even list Andy Milberg, a porn star, among their process teachers.

I'm not saying the process is entirely bad. I just think people should research it for themselves. They should know the backgrounds of the people to whom they entrust their mental health.

> You say : "I have heard mixed things about the process. I would be careful before anyone puts their mental health in the hands of someone other than a trained professional."
>
> That rather implies that the Hoffman teachers are "untrained amateurs" . My experience of The Process and it teachers was one of enormous professionalism and dedication.
>
> You say that you have heard "mixed things" about the process - maybe you could be more specific.
>
> I dont want to be rude here but it appears to me that a little knowledge could be a dangerous thing!!
>
> Best wishes


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