Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 252617

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he blames me for his irritability and mood swings

Posted by jayme on August 20, 2003, at 20:08:59

I would like to know if there is a mood disorder that can make someone get mad at the drop of a hat. I walk on eggshells, fearing that I will do something or say something that he finds irritating...and I will get the silent treatment or get a lecture on how I screwed up, followed by the cold shoulder. Someone told me in the beginning of our relationship, that I deserve "Sainthood" for living with this guy. No one that I introduce him to has ever liked him, and they can't figure out why I let him talk down to me. Oh, by the way, he is a very brilliant, successful man, and he has never been abusive to me. Someone in his family thinks that he is just so brilliant that he becomes frustrated when we with a normal IQ don't see his side. He has been called an A__hole by at least a dozen people that I know of. Is there a diagnosis for being an a-hole? Can it be helped? I wonder if smoking pot can make him this way...... HELP!
OH, the reason I am still here is because when he isn't in one of his moods, he is very sweet, loving, and almost childlike and giddy. It's like living with jeckel & Hyde, but the mood swings too quickly to be a Bipolar disorder.

 

Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings jayme

Posted by fallsfall on August 20, 2003, at 21:35:52

In reply to he blames me for his irritability and mood swings, posted by jayme on August 20, 2003, at 20:08:59

There is "Rapid Cycling" BiPolar.

Also, look at Borderline Personality Disorder - it often has explosive anger, mood changes, and a popular book for people living with a BPD is "Stop Walking on Eggshells". As I read your post and you were talking about eggshells I thought of this book.

My dad is brilliant, but he has no people skills. He has no patience with people who can't see things his way. This has gotten much worse as he has grown older. He is BiPolar, though he has had only one manic episode. I'm sure that my dad never smoked pot.

Does he recognize that his behavior is difficult for you?

Ann Landers was famous for suggesting that a person get counseling, or if they couldn't be convinced to do that that their significant other get counseling. A therapist might be able to help you identify a likely diagnosis. But more importantly, a therapist can help you know how to deal with him so that you can help him, and protect yourself.

Good Luck

 

Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings

Posted by jayme on August 21, 2003, at 8:40:32

In reply to Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings jayme, posted by fallsfall on August 20, 2003, at 21:35:52

Thank you so much for that advice. Actually, he doesn't see a problem at all. He says that when he has a mood swing, that it is in response to MY mood swings. lol! Once I found something that my 11 year old had written (about him) saying that she wished "someone" in her house would get help for their mood swings. He said "See? Even she knows that you need help!" My daughter's chin hit the floor when she realized that he thought it was about me. We both laughed several times about that.

 

Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings

Posted by Susan J on August 21, 2003, at 10:21:41

In reply to he blames me for his irritability and mood swings, posted by jayme on August 20, 2003, at 20:08:59

Hi, I like Fallsfall's suggestion of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a coworker like that, who exhibits all the same symptoms.

If he doesn't have any type of mental health issues, he could also just really lack people skills. He seems to be very manipulative, putting back any problems there are on "you." And then I'd say that's a manifestation of a severe lack of self-esteem.

He should be more supportive of you, as I'm sure you are of him. You deserve emotional support, caring, and respect, too. :-) Even if he is sweet and caring sometimes, why would he think it's OK to be mean at any time? Just a thought.....

P.S. I've been in the exact same type of relationship as you are in now. And I also hate to say I have acted like your partner toward some other people in my life. There is a problem there, somewhere. It would help a 1000% if he would acknowledge he could use some improvement on how he relates to people. Good luck with everything.

 

Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings

Posted by jayme on August 21, 2003, at 19:47:21

In reply to Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings, posted by Susan J on August 21, 2003, at 10:21:41

There is something wrong with him, that's for sure. He constantly says negative things about other people, to the point that it embarrasses me.

 

Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings

Posted by Budgie on August 27, 2003, at 2:45:33

In reply to Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings, posted by jayme on August 21, 2003, at 19:47:21

Hi,

Wow, this guy sounds like my Dad. You're not my mom are you? (Just kidding) Anyway, all I can say is thank God I don't live in the same household anymore- it's much easier to accept the Dr. Jekyll part of him from a distance where I don't encounter Mr. Hyde.

You seem very aware if the situation and the effects that he has on you. Still, I think the previous poster was right in suggesting therapy for you alone, if not him. I see the problems that years of living with that kind of manipulation and stress has caused my mother and me, and I don't think either of us were aware of just how profoundly it affected our psychologies.

Hope all goes well.

 

Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings

Posted by jayme on August 28, 2003, at 19:50:38

In reply to Re: he blames me for his irritability and mood swings, posted by Budgie on August 27, 2003, at 2:45:33

Yes, I agree. I do need someone to talk to about how living with him affects me. Funny thing is, everytime I meet any of his family, they always comment on how much I he seems to have calmed since he has been with me for the past 3 yrs. I wonder if that means there is hope for him to calm some more. Time will tell.My daughter (she is 12, and not HIS daughter) and I decided that instead of reacting to his grumpiness, we would try to understand that if we don't TEACH HIM how to give love, no one will. That sometimes makes it a little easier for us to deal with it.


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