Psycho-Babble 2000 Thread 758774

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Question to us

Posted by allisonm on May 22, 2007, at 8:18:12

We've all been around here on this site since or before 2000. So we're looking at a minimum of 6 or 7 years together. Seems many of us don't visit anymore or much. Sometimes that can mean things are better. Or maybe you have given up.

Just wondering: Is anything better with you since you started posting here? Are things about the same? Worse?

alli

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by Quilter on May 22, 2007, at 23:11:26

In reply to Question to us, posted by allisonm on May 22, 2007, at 8:18:12

I'm in a much better place both mentally and geographically. We moved from the frozen northern high plains to the beautiful mountains of western North Carolina. My attitude is better here, I have found a good combination of meds, at least for now, my kids are grown and gone and doing pretty well. I'm post-menopausal and suspect that much of my problem was hormone related. I still have chronic pain issues and down times but today, here and now, things are fine.

Quilter

 

Re: Question to us --- long answer

Posted by coral on June 17, 2007, at 19:11:03

In reply to Question to us, posted by allisonm on May 22, 2007, at 8:18:12

I'm one of the very, very lucky ones. I escaped the living catastrophe of clinical depression. Spent 3 1/2 years in sheer agony before finally hitting on the right combination of therapy and meds. Was on Zoloft for a year. This was a decade ago. I've had a few minor emotional set-backs but a few weeks on Zoloft and I'm fine.

That is, until two months ago, when my brain snapped. The last eighteen months have been excruciatingly stressful and once I got through it all, my brain snapped. Fine timing, eh? My therapist says it's common when someone has gone through a sustained ordeal, like getting a PhD or finishing medical school.

It is/was an incredibly bizarre experience. I was not emotionally depressed but had all the old physical symptoms plus a new one. It was like having a second brain in my head. My therapist and internist both suggested I start Zoloft and use Librium, as needed. I ramped up on the Zoloft as fast as I could. I'm now titrating down because the physical symptoms have completely subsided. The only way to describe it was like part of my brain was broken. I had all the racing thoughts, black dog thoughts, etc., all the while knowing that it really wasn't what I was thinking/feeling.

What frosts me is that I knew going into the last eighteen months was going to be a living nightmare and resumed therapy as a precaution and thought....thought I'd handled everything. Bleech. Then, my brain snapped.

Well, as I said, I'm on the down side of this and know how utterly fortunate I am.

This place has been a Godsend to me and I've thought often about the people I've met and care about...

Coral

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by finelinebob on September 7, 2007, at 9:32:13

In reply to Question to us, posted by allisonm on May 22, 2007, at 8:18:12

> We've all been around here on this site since or before 2000. So we're looking at a minimum of 6 or 7 years together. Seems many of us don't visit anymore or much. Sometimes that can mean things are better. Or maybe you have given up.
>
> Just wondering: Is anything better with you since you started posting here? Are things about the same? Worse?

Hi Alli!

Me? I walk a crooked path, so from time to time it brings me here.

Not that it's crooked because it's up and down, but more that it wanders ... my interests, my time, my meds, the conditions of my life -- they all wander. I find myself coming back when I need it, when I miss all of you too much, or when one of those wanderings stirs some interest in coming back to the main boards.

Like being on a new med (Vyvanse) that's not all that new maybe (no stranger to prescription amphetamines) or maybe it is. I just know that given my current cocktail, my psychopharmer (with apologies to the good Dr. Bob for that turn of phrase, and I happen to like my current 'tender very much as well) said something to the effect of "Hmmph, your brain seems to like dopamine" which makes me feel special.

Nothing wrong with my seratonin, as I told my previous NYC psychopharmer. Well, not that much at least. Maybe a little, but no SSRI's for me if you please. They can make me downright psychotic-like and, funny coincidence, I happen to be on not one but two atypical anti-psychotics now.

Okay, since I brought it up -- oldest to newest -- klonopin, nortriptyline, lamictal, focalin (but...), abilify (...as a trial replacement for focalin -- scratch it out for a month) vyvanse.

That's right -- a benzo, 2 anti-psychotics, and an amphetamine. Like Pete Townsend wrote, "Uppers and downers / either way blood flows". And I like an occasional T&T, but no "Doctor Bobby and Mister Bob" for me, quite normal usually if you please.

All of those were Quadrophenia references if you don't know the Who. That used to be my therapy. Turn it up to 11 and listen to it end to end. 2 hours, 100 dB -- it shakes things loose. Especially with air guitar, jumps, slides and windmills and all. Even smashing my air guitar at the end of it all. Those were the days....

That's Tanqueray & Tonic, top shelf for me. But of 1.75 litres (two separate gifts from separate colleagues who knew I was a gin drinker) I've only had about 200 ml in about a year's time. 10 more years' worth of T&T's ... I hope gin ages well.

So things are better and worse and neither. Mom died last January. That was about as worst as is could get. She was sick a long time, she wanted to go for a long time, you wish her peace and think you've come to terms with it and are ready for it ... then it happens and 30 year old stuff blindsides you. So your PTSD acts up in a major way, you have a person even crazier than you are as a CEO, that person makes a disasterous business decision and has you to blame it on and fire.

But you have 6-8 months of money sitting in the bank for just such an emergency ... it's springtime in New York ("I love New York in June, how about you?") then summertime and the ex-boss settles before you haul their corporate butts into court for a very messy ADA discrimination/wrongful dismissal case, it's fall in New York and people are hiring again. Or so I've been told.

Part of me still wants to file a complaint with the EEOC (tho I couldn't benefit from it personally) about the ADA stuff, but I already know the EEOC cares not one wit about mental health and the ADA and my potential lawsuit had less than a 1% chance of winning. So I smile and move on.

Sorry -- I'm chatty because I haven't slept, I'm out of the bunker (Phil's term, he gets the credit) for a few hours at least, and I miss you all and so feel obligated (especially if Deb R or Noa stop by ... I know from other posts and other boards who else will peek in) to fill in the spaces between Babble and the Path.

But Alli, to get right to your question ... and yeah, this may be a bit arrogant of me and pompous of me but I'm a BSEd MA MA ABD OCD ADD BSM so I feel entitled to my opinion: Why don't we visit so much? Here's my theory...

When there were so few of us, we all helped each other and whether we got better or stayed worse, we got tight. As more people found Babble, we kinda took an "Elder" position, answering questions that had been asked again and again, coming up with YMMV, depending on Cam W for those pharmacological treatises (Canadian tho they were =*P). And, eventually, some of those newer people became Elders and we could retire. Too many new people, too many of the same questions, too little energy (except for a few of us who still have the energy to do it even now!). We passed the torch. In doing so, we made a passage. We come upon new ones here and there, but we have the skills to at least seek the support we know is here and sometimes to find the answers we need. But we aren't driven to educate the next generation of Babble-Elders.

Hmm ... maybe it's time for like a Babble 2001-2003 board....what's the length of a Babbleland generation? 2 years sound good? Grandparents of Babble get a generational board?

Can we make Dr. Bob's life even more of a living computer hell (or does he now have work-study students to manage the technical end of the day-to-days?)?

Is anything better for me? I'm still stage 4, tho regressed to stage 1 for January to April at least. My talk therapy stages, for those who forgot ... 1 = talk about what you need to talk about, 2 = talk about what you want to talk about, 3 = talk about what you DON'T want to talk about, 4 = talk about those things you didn't want to talk about so bad that you made yourself (almost) forget they even happened. It hurts when it happens. It makes me angry at myself. It provides good fodder for journaling. And I feel better after all the kvetching is over.

Don't know if there's a stage 5. I'll cross that path when I cross it.

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by Deb R on September 14, 2007, at 8:03:36

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by finelinebob on September 7, 2007, at 9:32:13

Hey Bob,

You have always felt like a kindred spirit to me and while you are around, if I may, I just wanted to tell you that. For some reason you have always had a special place in my heart....and you always will. Sorry to read about your Mum passing away Bob, my Mum died on 2 June....it is shite isn't it.

Wishing you good, good things...
Deb.

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by finelinebob on September 16, 2007, at 0:25:44

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by Deb R on September 14, 2007, at 8:03:36

> ... Mum died on 2 June....it is shite isn't it.

Yep, it is.

> Wishing you good, good things...

Right back atcha. I know what you mean about the kindred spirits thing ... guess it has to be mutual by some cosmic principle ;^), but it is.

flb

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by coral on September 19, 2007, at 8:21:14

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by finelinebob on September 16, 2007, at 0:25:44

My sympathies to both of you.... My mother died 18 months ago.

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by Deb R on September 20, 2007, at 7:19:11

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by coral on September 19, 2007, at 8:21:14

Thanks for that Coral - my sincere best wishes to you.

Deb.

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by Shar on October 2, 2007, at 23:09:14

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by Deb R on September 20, 2007, at 7:19:11

Wow, this is a blast from the past! Good to see some folks I haven't seen in a long time.

I think Coral and Fine really answered the question for those of us who haven't fully healed and no longer need PB (not that THEY haven't, just the reasons they gave for absence).

I've had a horrid couple of years, and the trend continues. I'm off all meds--no insurance, no money.

In the last 12 months or so ALL of my fur-babies died. Lamar, my beautiful brain-damaged collie, had to be put down. Finn McCoole, the cat I found under my house when he was about 2 weeks old, died suddenly of unknown causes. Shadow, my glorious black Lab with incredible strength and compassion, passed from old age. And, Goblet, the psycho dog from hell (thank goodness he was small!) passed away in the night shortly after Shadow.

So, in addition to the depression I've been trying to deal with all of that...and it's really all just too hard.

I think my absence is just due to being too overwhelmed to be conversational, and I'm much older now (55) with less energy in general, and way less articulate and much more monosyllabic.

I'm very sorry to hear that folks lost loved ones, you all have my sympathies and prayers.

Shar

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by coral on October 4, 2007, at 8:28:05

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by Shar on October 2, 2007, at 23:09:14

Dear Shar,

I'm so very sorry about the loss of your beloved fur babies. They leave such gaping holes in our hearts.

(((((((((((Shar))))))))))))


xoxoxoxox

Coral

 

Re: Question to us coral

Posted by Shar on October 10, 2007, at 12:24:40

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by coral on October 4, 2007, at 8:28:05

Coral,
You are so right.

I feel like I have a brick wall around my heart.

Shar

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by CamW on October 12, 2007, at 21:55:00

In reply to Question to us, posted by allisonm on May 22, 2007, at 8:18:12

Hi guys. I don't work in psychiatric pharmacy anymore, so I'd be useless here without a lot catching up. Besides, I really think I burned my bridges on this site.

It's nice to see a lot of the old names. I had fun here. I learned a lot, and this site really helped me keep on the cutting edge. I do realize that I developed a big head, and started to believe that I actually knew something. Ah, but we live and learn.

Take care everyone. I'll be back, but I don't really go on the internet that often, anymore.

Thanks for all the memories guys. - Cam

 

Re: Question to us CamW

Posted by Shar on October 16, 2007, at 18:00:14

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by CamW on October 12, 2007, at 21:55:00

Cam,
I don't know about your burning bridges here, but I haven't been that active for a long time (like on Social, Meds, etc.). For me, I only have fond memories of you, and I believe you did have a lot to offer! You've helped me a LOT. And, it's always nice to hear from you.

The only not-positive feeling I have is what you've been through in the last years. It still saddens me greatly, and I wish only the best for you.

How about an update on how you are?

Shar

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by Kath on December 22, 2007, at 19:34:39

In reply to Question to us, posted by allisonm on May 22, 2007, at 8:18:12

Hi Alli -

just reading this now in December!!

I've been off Celexa for about 2 years now. Still battle anxiety & SAD tendencies in winter.

My biggest challenge is still how to NOT be emotionally entangled in my now-23 year old son's life (who is still using some drugs even after a month's hospitalization last Dec for substance-induced major psychosis & anti-psychotic meds since).
That's my ongoing challenge.

BUT, I think I'm doing pretty well in that I'm involved in making pottery, being an active member of a pottery Guild, continuing to try various methods to be healthily living my OWN life even given the above-mentioned major challenge.

I miss the 'active' PB2000 Board. I miss the wonderful people I've met here. Feeling a lot of loneliness & grief at this time of year.

It was nice seeing some old, familiar names.

Thanks for asking the question Alli.

luv, Kath

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by Abby on January 11, 2008, at 12:26:01

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by Kath on December 22, 2007, at 19:34:39

I kind of regret signing on under my real name, so that's one reason that I don't post. Around 2000 I got a doctor who spent a lot of time staying current (every Friday was spent in the library), so I didn't feel the need to do quite as much research on my own.

There are so many boards now that the sense of community is pretty much gone.

I had a bad time in 2005 when I didn't have insurance, but I'm lucky to live in MA where we have a decent safety net.

 

Re: Question to us Abby

Posted by Kath on January 14, 2008, at 16:33:10

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by Abby on January 11, 2008, at 12:26:01

Hi Abby - glad the safety net was in place & helped you through.

I agree regarding so many boards. Dr. Bob is asking about incorporating some of them.

I mostly go to Social, although I've gone to Psychology & find some of the stuff there feels like it could be in Social!

I wish you the very best, Kath

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by Abby on January 23, 2008, at 17:00:14

In reply to Re: Question to us Abby, posted by Kath on January 14, 2008, at 16:33:10

Thanks Kath. I'm kind of depressed just now. I had a lot of anxiety for a while and finally I took 2.5 mg of klonopin over the course of a day. It broke that anxiety, bu the damned depression is back. It's not quite Winston Churchill's black dog, but it isn't the grey puppy of mere apathy either.

 

Re: Question to us Abby

Posted by Kath on January 23, 2008, at 20:48:14

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by Abby on January 23, 2008, at 17:00:14

glad it's not the BD.

I'm having tremendous luck with 5HTP & St. John's Wort, talked about it on the Alternative board.

hugs, Kath

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by tina on February 23, 2008, at 15:51:57

In reply to Question to us, posted by allisonm on May 22, 2007, at 8:18:12

Things are good with me. Life is good sometimes and not so good sometimes but I find I'm just better at dealing with it since 2004.
Just stopped in to say hello to all.
Tina

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by bissie66 on February 25, 2008, at 12:10:28

In reply to Question to us, posted by allisonm on May 22, 2007, at 8:18:12

That is a great question. And what a cool board! I just found it and am honored to be one of you all. I didn't even know.

Like my dx, bipolar, things have been really up and down for me. I've had some major crises, mostly brought on by myself and impulsive decisions I always tend to make.

Looking at snapshots of then and now though, my life looks better then. Sigh.

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by Neal on February 7, 2009, at 3:53:23

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by CamW on October 12, 2007, at 21:55:00

I can vaguely remember what Cam was talking about. There was a flame war? was that it?

I finally got serious about my illness after (mostly lurking)on this board. Got a good Pdoc from UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute and we played with some ideas and I got much better. I also tried the "Elizabeth" option and it helped too, but it's a pain to deal with getting it is all.

Recently went to regular med board, but no names I recognized except SLS.

JohnB=Neal

 

Re: Question to us

Posted by allisonm on February 7, 2009, at 10:24:19

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by Neal on February 7, 2009, at 3:53:23

Glad to hear that you are doing better. I am still trying drug after drug. It has been almost 11 years now since my diagnosis. Currently I am taking Pristiq and Wellbutrin. Except the insurance company refuses to pay for the Pristiq because every other drug has not been tried.

I have tried: Zoloft alone, Effexor IR and XR; Remeron alone; Wellbutrin IR, SR and XL; Remeron and Wellbutrin together and then with lithium; Wellbutrin and Effexor, Serzone and Wellbutrin, Wellbutrin and Celexa, Zoloft and Wellbutrin, and Trazodone. In addition to augmentation with lithium, I also took Neurontin, Buspar and Deplin in combination with the various antidepressants.

So far only the Wellbutrin has had any positive effect. So now I am appealing their decision and awaiting an answer.

They also have told me that my benefits for pdoc visits were exhausted toward the end of last year and they refused to pay for the last 2 or 3. Nevermind that my state has something called Timothy's Law, which requires that mental illnesses such as major depression be treated on par with physical illness... When I called the insurance company, the first member service person didn't even know what Timothy's Law was... Then my Dr. said he'd gotten it straightened out and they'd agreed to pay for the last visits of 2008. Yesterday I got a letter from insurance company saying my benefits were exhausted and they aren't going to pay for 12/30/08.

I'm so sick of it all.

 

Re: Question to us allisonm

Posted by Kath on February 7, 2009, at 20:21:38

In reply to Re: Question to us, posted by allisonm on February 7, 2009, at 10:24:19

Sounds like SUCH a long haul Alli.

I feel pretty fortunate in that the only med I've taken was Celexa for 4 years & have been off it now for about 3 or 4 years.

I've been tending to use 'alternative' methods. Having a lot of good results from EFT & TAT.

Using 5HTP, St. John's Wort, an SAD light lamp, Group Therapy, work with a psychotherapist, energy work, currently doing a free online CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) course & an IRL one also using the book Mind Over Mood.

Am struggling to get through the winter.

Kath

 

Re: Question to us Kath

Posted by allisonm on February 8, 2009, at 9:14:01

In reply to Re: Question to us allisonm, posted by Kath on February 7, 2009, at 20:21:38

It HAS been a hard winter, hasn't it? Some days I don't go outside at all. This recent thaw is just weird too...

 

Re: Question to us allisonm

Posted by Kath on February 8, 2009, at 18:28:26

In reply to Re: Question to us Kath, posted by allisonm on February 8, 2009, at 9:14:01

Yeah! Yesterday & today DH & I went for walks in the forest. The snow is really lessening (I'd say melting, but that might indicate MUCH more of a decrease than actually is happening.)

The thing I like is the newly re-emerging orb in the skies. If I remember correctly, I think it's called the sun!!

xoxo Kath

PS - Ever think of joining us at the Social board Alli? I'd love it.


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