Psycho-Babble 2000 Thread 649159

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I took a ride through the archives today...

Posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 22:13:44

It was something another poster wrote to me on another board that triggered it, and I looked through all the [excrement] that went on for me two years ago.

It was not as bad as it was last time I tried, although it got very rough towards the end -- but rough in me becoming ashamed that I reacted so strongly to it, and that I exposed so much of it here, and that I whined so much, etc. That's never fun. And I'm ashamed that I'm not over it yet. I'm so afraid that I will become one of those people who define their entire lives by the time they saw "something nasty in the woodshed," and never try to get over it.

But you know what I did?

I copied and pasted all of it into a Word document, and I will take it to my current T. Maybe get through some of it with her.

And you know what else? I still feel as though I could get over it if only someone involved had said to me, "we may have made mistakes, and we're sorry you were so hurt by it." Not gonna happen...

OK. I'm done now...

 

I wish I could stay done...

Posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 23:58:30

In reply to I took a ride through the archives today..., posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 22:13:44

Actually, a short time later now, I find that I'm not at all OK about the whole reminder thing...

Instead, I'm ruminating on how horrible I was, that it really was all my fault, that they were right, etc.

A very small voice inside me is saying, "No, even if most of what they said about you really was true, the way they treated you was still very wrong."

But the louder voice really is sending me into a tailspin. I found myself trying to think of suicide plans today, because it just wasn't worth this much struggle, all the time, to get what seems like so very little.

Having done badly on a math final yesterday added a lot to it. If I couldn't even manage to keep my grade up in that class, what the [warm climate] use is it?

 

Re: I wish I could stay done... Racer

Posted by Shar on June 10, 2006, at 20:05:09

In reply to I wish I could stay done..., posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 23:58:30

Racer,
Somehow you gotta find a way to STOP beating yourself up. You gotta find your KMA boundary...that's the Kiss My A** boundary, where you no longer let people who do you damage, do you anymore damage.

Yes, we all show our a**es at times (boy, have I ever!) but that isn't an excuse for any person to take advantage of us, or make us feel ashamed, or make us have a ton of guilt for having nothing other than thoughts. It is totally unacceptable that a THERAPIST becomes "the/rapist."

Work on the KMA boundary, I beseech thee. I'm still working on mine.

Take good care,
xoxo
Shar

 

Re: I wish I could stay done... Racer

Posted by finelinebob on August 14, 2006, at 23:50:06

In reply to I wish I could stay done..., posted by Racer on May 26, 2006, at 23:58:30

Looks like you need to be inducted into the BSUYB's Campaign Against Negavity and Cynicism Everywhere 'Round. All you need to do is, ahem, REPEAT after me ...

"I, state your name, have a Cheerful and Sunny Disposition!"

Should you pass this initial test, I'll inform you of your duties, et cetera, ad infinitum ad absurdum.

If that doesn't work, then I'd suggest a conversion to Discordianism: Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!!

Rather than googling Discordianism, I'd recommend wiki-ing it first.


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