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Re: To old-time PB posters

Posted by Mark H. on March 31, 2002, at 14:17:50

In reply to To old-time PB posters, posted by judy1 on March 31, 2002, at 12:19:49

Dear Judy and IsoM,

Here's something I posted in August 2000:

And here's one I'd ask you to re-read from just a couple of weeks ago, if you don't mind:

I think what you're experiencing are the normal cycles that take place in on-line interactions. Someday, Dr. Bob, his grad students, or someone else may map these cycles to see if they correlate to exogenous variables (tensions in the world, delayed reactions to public tragedies or financial downswings, for instance) or whether it's "just the way we are."

We meet, share excitement for a topic, become more intimate (intimacy = risking a level of honesty that leaves us personally vulnerable), expose differences in core beliefs, get down to the stuff that really frightens us or pushes our buttons. Some people blow up, while others blow out. I've seen this so many times here (and everywhere else on the web) that I'm no longer surprised. In fact, I expect it.

In searching for the older post above, I ran across another post I'd made around the same time. I'm astounded that I thought it was OK. If I had run into the same post two weeks ago, I would have deleted it and blocked myself. It's not that what I said was incorrect, but that the confrontive, blunt style I used simply *does not work* in this environment. It only works when people have a clear, mutual agreement that it's OK to use that style (as in one-on-one or group therapy, when people are working together face to face and have other safety and dignity agreements in place to protect themselves and one another). But apparently I had to learn the hard way, over and over again. I hope I've finally gotten it.

With love and respect,

Mark H.




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