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Re: Gray Rape

Posted by fleeting flutterby on December 31, 2008, at 17:56:20

In reply to Gray Rape, posted by PollyFarm on December 31, 2008, at 2:40:14

> My therapist suggested to me that if I give in to my husbands urgent, angry pleas for sex because I feel pressured that it is gray rape. I don't enjoy the sex and often cry afterward because of the emotional pain, or at least I just hate it and dread when he will ask again. Any time I say no it starts an argument. Just wondering where people weigh in on the "gray rape" issue?
> Polly


I don't believe that a woman that doesn't say "no" and doesn't fight against it in anyway, and is not drugged or held against her will is being raped. I feel bad for guys who have to decifer all this stuff we women try to throw at them.... they can't read minds.

Sure I think your husband is being insensitive, but raping you? I just don't think so. Now if his anger becomes violent, then that is another whole subject of which I hope you get urgent help for.

We women, (IMO) need to take a stand when we have needs and desires... like the need to feel appreciated and valued. Maybe you aren't feeling valued? maybe you feel like a "thing" that he is using?.....

I think if perhaps you got empowered and believed that you deserved such things and learned how to voice those things in a positive manner-- then I'd hope your husband-- if he cares about you, will be more than happy to oblige-- as it will also make his life better too.

I think this is more of a situation of "gray communication".

I so hope your husband will be less selfish and that you will be more able to express your upsets. I'm sure it must be such a difficult place that you are in right now.

hoping for you,

flutterby-mandy ps-- hope I didn't offend you-- been told I come across too strong sometimes. I sure don't mean to offend.




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