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Re: How he can flip the switch:SUSAN47

Posted by Just Me33 on September 4, 2008, at 9:53:59

In reply to How he can flip the switch Just Me33, posted by susan47 on September 3, 2008, at 19:28:47

> He had no trouble turning it on and now he has no trouble turning it off. And even if he did, it doesn't sound like a match made in heaven, to begin with. And I was wondering if you have some of the same issues I have, one of which is possibly showing up here, the issue of abandonment. Sounds like you're terrified of being left without him.
> And perhaps jealous to the point of extreme insecurity? Or is it extreme insecurity showing up as extreme jealousy? Does it show up like that for you? Because it does, for me, when I get so closely attached to someone, so bound with them somehow .. and I don't understand how it could happen to me, either.
> I feel for what you're going through (((JustMe33)))

Oh, I have MAJOR fears of abandonment. My ex husband and I were married 7 years...the last year, he began to go out and stay out late, then it got worse and he just stopped coming home and would turn his phone was absolutely devastating and so painful for me...I couldn't eat, couldn't I finally went to see a lawyer and just ended it. It was a very dark time in my life to get through and it took me being medicated and taking time off of work to get past it.

THEN, I immediately met my now ex-fiance, L...he moved in after 3 months of dating and then we moved to a different state together...twice...his job took us from state to state...well, then he began to show the same behaviors after three years...staying out late, then stopped coming home...of course, he always apologized profusely and begged me to stay, so I continued to do so...then, in the midst, SUNNY10's hubby inroduced me to R. and I knew after talking to him every night and day for hours, I had a way out from my fiance....I had someone "waiting in the wings", so I kicked L out...then R and I began to have the whirlwind romance that I had always dreamed of...and things went south FAST...

Now, mind you, they were all "getting what they needed" at home and I cook, clean, hold a steady job...all of those things...

So it HAS been that I have always been with someone...well, at least for the past 12 years...

Do I give too much, too soon?...I am an enabler? A doormat? I DO want to be desperately...and my other friends and SUNNY10 say how great of a person I am...then WHY can't I be loved like I love these men?

One of my friends, who has been single for 11 years, once told me that she would rather be in an unhealthy relationship than no relationship at all...and I told her she was out of her mind....but now, I am almost feeling the same way...WHY?

They say (I know, who is "they" really!?)that you find love when you are not looking for it...but shouldn't I start a search...go to groups, go online to one of those matchmaking sites....what do I do?

Thank you for being here and helping me...SUNNY10 has been an absolute savior, as well, yet I still feel so lonely....




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