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Re: Suffering from! (long)

Posted by Just Me33 on September 2, 2008, at 9:06:30

In reply to Re: Suffering from! (long), posted by susan47 on August 30, 2008, at 13:01:42

> > I am new here (a very good friend, my closest, actually, told me about this website) and i don't really know where to start.
> >
> > My friends husband "set me up" sort of with his best friend, I will just call R, who lives in another state. R and I hit it off from the very first night, on the phone. He sent me two dozen roses with a beautiful card just a week later. Th
> > en, a month later, he flew to meet me and it was fireworks...he was so loving and caring, special, romantic, endearing, emotional...everything was great...he returned home after 6 days and we continued to talk on the phone every day, once in the morning, in the afternoon and two hours at night. Not long after, he began telling his best friend and me that he intended to relocate for several reasons, one being me! he told me and them that he loved me, i was the woman of his dreams, he wanted to marry me, etc...
> >
> > He came BACK to visit to meet my parents, who had flown in from a different state...he asked my dad for permission to marry me, told all my friends how much he loved me, etc...THEN I went to visit him in his home state and it was another fantastic visit.
> >
> > He has been EXTREMELY stressed and overwhelmed about the move here....I have tried to be very supportive and understanding and patient,
> Whoa. It sounds like you have been making some sacrifices. What have you had to be supportive, understanding, and patient about, exactly? Do not mince your words when you reply. Be honest about what this is about.
> ...." but all the while he is getting more and more stressed..."
> What is his "stressed" behaviour .. exactly?
> ..."we had a misunderstanding where he felt that i had told his friends that he was cheating on me, when I ACTUALLY said that he was talking about this other girl and throwing it in my face and i didn't appreciate it"...
> Uh-huh. Tell me more about this, exactly.
> ..."it got really blown out of proportion"....
> according to whom? Exactly.
> ...."and now he has turned his phone off and won't return my calls"....
> What, exactly, have your messages been saying? Or have you been talking to him in person? Be exact.
> ...."it has been two days and i am dying inside"....
> Really. I know how that feels. It does feel like a death, and it's unbearable. But worth the growth, in the end.
> ...."I KNOW it has been only four months, but i cannot begin to explain how intense he is and how our relationship has been...YES, he started moving too fast, but I DO love him and he broke my heart."
> Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember there is a reason he moved too fast. Remember there is a him outside of your four-month bubble, and there will be a him afterwards as there was a him before. Don't discount who he is outside of the four-month bubble. Get some perspective before it's too late, and you and he end up flogging each other with the remains of your respective dreams.
> > Am i wrong to crave closure? Please do not send comments about it being 4 months, as i feel i have already tried to explain myself in regards to that. I have been married and divorced, had a troubled and emotionally abusive relationship and this was the man of my dreams....and my best friends husbands best friend, who, thank the good Lord, are still there for me and very supportive of me and don't know why he is acting like this. please help.

Well, he called yesterday and left a I called him back last night and we talked about our weekend and what we had done and everything was going just fine...then SOMEHOW we got into it and an argument ensued...well, I ended up saying a lot of things that i had bottled up inside and it all came out...I told him he was F^#$@ing up and that I was a good thing and that I didn't appreciate the way he had been treating me lately...I deserved better than this, etc...he said, AGAIN, that he could not talk to me anymore and hung up on I HATE being hung up on, can't stand, of course, I tried to call him back several times and of course, he did not answer...I was SO upset, just crying uncontrollably...thank GOD that Sunny10 lives the next street I drive over to her house, just wailing and screaming (poor Sunny10) because I did NOT want to be home alone, at that point.

Anyways, I know that he said that he didn't know WHEN/IF he could move here and he didn't expect for me to wait for him....and that kills me....if he loved me so much, wouldn't he WANT me to wait for him...wouldn't he try harder to make this work?! I am so devastated, so hurt, so can he flip the switch so fast?




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