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Re: when is it abuse?

Posted by shangrila7 on April 5, 2008, at 17:30:16

In reply to when is it abuse?, posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 0:39:48

I have found myself in a situation where I don't have bruises but I am completely overwhelmed. I find myself being afraid of what my husband is going to do when he gets mad. I find myself walking on eggshells 3-4 days a week because he woke up in a bad mood or I was late or the laundry wasn't done. We have been together for 8 years and married for 4 but never before when we argued did I ever think he would hurt me or that I was putting myself at risk. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and what kills me the most is she sees his outbursts. She apologizes to me for daddy making me cry or throwing things at me.
He told me about 4 weeks ago now that he didn't like me anymore, I wasn't fun and he didn't want to spend time with me. He was grumpy because we didn't have sex the night before.
Things were different after that, as I don't know what to say to that. I have said I will leave but he says I can't take my daughter and he knows I wont go without her.
A week later we were having what I thought was a good morning when he got upset and told me he was over me and our relationship and told me to f*** off. He was rude the rest of the day and when I had to go drop my car off for service he told my daughter I was going to a birthday party without her so she would want to come. I was having to take a cab home because he wasn't going to come pick me up anyway, so taking her just made it more difficult.
Now things will go ok for a few days but then something doesn't go his way or he wakes up in a mood and he tells me he hates me and he is going to go get a prostitute (We live in Nevada). Nothing that makes me feel good.
Then last night his cousin was over and picked a fight with me about why my husband has to consult me before he goes out drinking and I told the cousin he better be careful or he would be walking home and my husband pipes in and says he would make me walk before he makes his cousin walk. Just little hurtful things.
Just this past week he woke up mad because I put an extra blanket on our daughter and it was one we used in the living room. I thought he was going to come to bed because he made a big deal about our daughter sleeping in her own bed (he has slept on the couch almost all of this year out of his choice so I let my daughter sleep with me) He ended up not coming to bed and was cold so when he woke up the next morning he was furious because "I didn't love him enough to put a blanket on him, I gave the baby the good heater and the extra blanket. He threw the remote control at me-it hit the wall and broke into pieces (I got out of the way-I kind of knew he would throw something)
Then I got in the shower before he could lock me out of the bathroom so I couldn't get ready for work. He turned the washer on hot so I would run out of water and reached into my shower and turned my water cold. We argued then he took off and said he wasn't coming back that night...but he did. So I had my sister-in-law take our daughter that night and we went to dinner so we could talk and he says he doesn't want me to leave and he loves me, just to act right. (whatever that means). I told him he needs to "act right" too but he just laughs about the things he does. I feel like if I leave I am giving up but I don't know what to do. He says its me and that I need counseling because I am depressed. He comes home and goes straight to sleep so he doesn't have to deal with me. He told our daughter that I was a good mommy but a bad wife.
Am I taking all of this too personally or would I be right to leave, even if just for a trial couple months? (Sorry this is so long). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am even a little nervous about posting this but if it will help I guess its worth it.

> if you don't have bruises, is it abuse?
> if you are now afraid?
> if you walk on eggshells?
> if he humiliates you?
> if he says you are biggot (when you are not)?
> if he sends emails/calls people horrible lies about you?
> if he does good things for you then holds against you?
> if he threatens to leave if you want to try to help yourself?




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