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Re: Time for a *sex trigger** thread. Hubby/wife s muffled

Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2006, at 11:52:24 [reposted on January 1, 2007, at 21:50:11 | original URL]

In reply to Time for a *sex trigger** thread. Hubby/wife stuff, posted by muffled on December 29, 2006, at 0:43:44

Definitely talk with your therapist about it.

I've talked to mine and also to a sex therapist, and they both had useful tips. Three I remember off the top of my head.

Be honest with husband - kindly. This one surprised me. It seemed terribly unkind. But if phrased correctly I discovered it could be done without undue hurt. So there were a few things that I just really didn't like, and I was honest with him. I put things in a positive way, like I really prefer it when you do this instead of that. Or I really want to enjoy our experiences together, and one way to help me do that would be to...

If there's anything that makes it easier for you, try to do it. It's a lot easier for me if I have advance notice, so I can prepare. My husband doesn't like the fact that we aren't spontaneous, but I'm not trying to cut him off or anything, it's just easier if I'm not sitting there and suddenly things get sexual. Also it's easier for me if I'm the initiator, so I try to initiate things often enough.

And if there's anything at all that you enjoy, try to incorporate it into your routine. If you ask me that, my kneejerk reaction is to reject it. But if I ramble on I usually find out that there are some things I enjoy to some extent or another. Like the sex therapist found out I enjoy foreplay in the shower better than out of it because water has always been a sensual experience for me, and insisted that I incorporate that as often as I can.

My gynecologist suggested getting a bit tipsy.

The general idea being that anything that increases positive feelings and decreases negative ones will help, even if only incrementally. But if you add up enough small changes, it could lead to bigger ones.

Can you think of anything that makes it better for you? Or that you enjoy? Does it help if you feel in control? What sorts of ways can you feel more in control? Are there things you'd rather not do? That's perfectly ok. You don't have to. I like to think most husbands are more interested in having a wife who enjoys sex more than they are in any particular sex acts.




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