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therapist saying 'more effective' to go elsewhere

Posted by broken123 on December 17, 2018, at 2:21:35

Hello, My husband and I moved to our community about 5 years ago and then had a baby so I was home bound. We have no family here and no support network. Overall, I have a lot going on emotionally. My husband and I have big differences over how to parent our kids. My dad died about a year ago in horrible circumstances. Since then, there has been less than positive things going on in my extended family. This affects me greatly (even though they are far away, they are still my family). A month after my dad's death, there was a double suicide in my extended family (one of the deceased I was quite close to). I started a new business a few months ago. My husband lost his job a few weeks ago, primary income earner, just weeks before Christmas. We have 3 young kids.

I've been seeing a therapist for about the past 3 years and have really liked her. She has helped me a lot. I liked that she would tell me what she thought about things, unlike others who would just dance around things and were more passive. She knows me better than anyone. As I was starting my business, she referred me on to her daughter to provide me with something I needed for my new business. It would have been a 5 month project for her daughter, who agreed to do it for very cheap for me. My therapist said several times that whatever is between her daughter and I is separate from the therapist and I. Her daughter didn't take the project seriously. She "sat" on it for months, and then had to do a whole lot of work at the end to get it finished. I was upset that she left it all to the last minute. When it was finished, it seemed good, and I offered to pay 4 times more than the price she originally offered (which was still a good deal, if it had been done properly I didnt know then that it was going to have problems subsequently). Recently there have been problems with the stuff her daughter did for me. They are not easily fixed. The daughter isn't acknowledging that she did a less than stellar job. I have talked to someone else in that field, who tells me they the work will have to be re-done (thousands of $$), to fix the problems. I didn't want to pay for the same thing twice, and didn't want to make my last payment to my therapist's daughter, but I blamed it on my husband having lost his job, as this was an issue for us also, and I thought it would be more palatable to her. But the daughter became EXTREMELY upset, said she has credit cards to pay, etc, etc... And, her mom (my therapist) was furious with me.

In our last session, she sat at me and had a look that could kill on her face. I cancelled the next 3 apts after that, because I couldn't bear to see that look again. Then, I sent her an email and said I'm struggling with whether we should continue, because on one hand, I've really valued her support -she has been invaluable to me - and on the other hand, I don't feel that I can speak openly with her about her daughter and without being able to do that, I wonder if there will be a barrier between us. She replied "I think you are correct that the situation causes a barrier and it would, therefore, be more effective for you to see someone else." "I can honestly say that I am so sorry the way this has gone. I have grown to be very fond of you and I am very proud of you." She went on to say that because she's just as new here as I am, she doesn't know of anyone to refer me to.

I am devastated. I had hoped, I suppose, that she would have said something different... that there would have been a way to work through this (possibly at no charge, as I dont think I should be seen as shouldering the blame). I really liked her, and viewed her as almost a pseudo-mother. It hurts to realize our relationship, to her, was just a series of economic transactions. She says she's fond of me, but obviously that can't be true if she's sending me on my way. Her daughter and her can turn to each other. I have no one to turn to and no one to talk to this about. She doesn't seem to be responding to my messages. I don't know where to turn. Our community isn't that large and the therapists here aren't nearly as good as she was. I want things to be back the way they were. But now she hates me. I don't know how to interpret her message or what to do. I don't need more to grieve, but feel that this is a big loss, and am unable to concentrate on my work.I feel that I must be the bottom of the barrel if my therapist fires me! Am I so horrible that I can't even find someone to pay to listen to me? I have one more appointment booked with her this coming Wednesday (Dec 19) that I haven't cancelled. I assume given her note that her expectation is that I not show up.

As I say, I have no support network here. I would be very grateful for any thoughts. How to interpret her message? Do I try to talk to her about this (if that's even possible)? Should I have to pay her to do that? How do I cope with this rejection? I feel that her telling me to take a hike is harsh and cruel, especially when she knows how much I have going on. I feel like I've just been left dangling with absolutely no regard for how this affects me emotionally. I feel very hurt deeply disappointed, and broken hearted.




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