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Re: Anyone ever get attached to their pdoc?

Posted by baseball55 on November 11, 2018, at 17:09:30

In reply to Re: Anyone ever get attached to their pdoc?, posted by Roslynn on November 11, 2018, at 14:17:28

He saw me through a nearly 5 year rollercoaster of severe depression, intrusive thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts, multiple hospitalizations, as well as helping me learn to understand and cope with my emotions and my past. Every time i wqs hospitalized (and I'm talking maybe 10 times). the doctors and social workers would talk to him and say to me later, you've forged a really strong bond with him and done some amazing work together, which is pretty rare.

So - appreciate what you have. It's not that common. Realize that he cares a lot about you - it's an odd relationship, but it is a relationship and it's a two-way street. My doc always told me that he cared a lot about me and that there was a way in which he loved me. He said you can't do long-term therapy with somebody unless there are things you love and respect about them. When I tried terminating (didn't last long - I couldn't handle it) he said he would miss seeing me and talking to me. He once told me, when I said I wanted to give him a meaningful gift since he had given me so much, he said that I had already given him the most meaningful thing he could want - a relationship of mutual trust.

So retiring and ending these long-term, loving relationships based on mutual trust and respect is painful for therapists also, not just for their patients. The hard thing, that took me a long time to come to terms with, is that I am not a part of his regular life and have no claim on him beyond our professional relationship. If he feels he needs to stop then there's nothing I can do about it. But I have come to terms with it.

When I first began seeing him, I told him I loved him and he said I didn't really love him. That love meant putting someone's well-being above your own and that is not how I felt about him at all. I just needed and wanted him, for my own sake, not for his. But now, as he's getting quite old and I realize that he may soon be gone, I really do feel love for him. I want him to be as healthy and happy as he can be. I want him to have a good life. I wish him well. If he told me he needed to retire, then I could accept this and really want the best for him.

This is a real advance for me. The therapist-patient relationship is by its very nature a selfish relationship. You talk about you, not him. He cares for you, not you for him. You want and need him more than he needs you. You do not necessarily wish him well if that involves a loss for you.

It's been a long and productive and loving relationship and I feel I am finally able to look at it with some selflessness.
> Oh, baseball55, that's so similar to how I feel. Like my pdoc is a family member. It's so hard because we can get so close to them. They are a lifeline at times. I've never had a therapist who told me I could call them in a crisis situation, nor would I have wanted to. It's only been my pdoc that gave me that sense of safety. I'm so glad you have a good doc.




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poster:baseball55 thread:1101821