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Re: wow.. the ANGER!! ;)

Posted by Lamdage22 on October 13, 2011, at 10:36:50

In reply to Re: wow.., posted by Lamdage22 on October 13, 2011, at 10:10:30

Matter of things, it was exactly the anger that made me tell my family to go f*ck off.. and that made me tell off that woman(girl!). It was even the anger, fully felt and not hidden away from it through addictions, that made me feel and find my true self. At least a lot of it.

Well that one wasn't anger it was enragement about how my parents had kept me from feeling and being myself for 20 years and i had suppressed and ran away from this feeling also for 20 years. Through manipulation of my feelings and deadening them in addictions.

I can even remember having called sex hotlines and "masturbating" to them in primary!!! school. Believe something sexual might have happened to me in childhood when i look back in my life there is strange stuff (sexually) everywhere and i have had this "feeling" that something did for a long time. Lately with the evolving awareness of how sick my parents are... this suspicion got stronger.

There is a lot of reasons to be angry.. so you see you can't speak me out of it even though i appreciate the concern :)
Whats really a topic though is how to tolerate the anger that might still be suppressed at this point through the hooker thing and the cigarettes. Tolerate it WITHOUT indulging again. I really hope it comes up and can be lived through and with that can bring deeper understanding of myself.

Maybe thats where the root of my very inappropriate sexual actions throughout life is hidden.




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