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Re: Is there such a thing a being too compatible? Daisym

Posted by pegasus on October 10, 2011, at 17:00:10

In reply to Is there such a thing a being too compatible?, posted by Daisym on October 6, 2011, at 1:06:08

I'm struggling with similar issues, only I'm more in the beginning stages of my relationship with my T. But I've gotten deeper with past Ts, so I'm struggling with the sense of need, and the fear that comes from past experiences of the T relationship ending.

I am in a good, solid relationship with a significant other, and I find that it doesn't make my attchment to my T any less intense. Maybe my relationship with my T could actually help me improve my relationship with my SO. That's what he says I can expect, if we keep working.

I tend to think of the T attachment as analagous to a parental attachment. (And, yes, I have a very parental type of transference going on with my T.) What I mean is that as kids we can all be deeply, even desperately attached to our mothers, and no one says boo. And when that relationship goes well, we eventually grow up and become more independent. We can do that, because we had that deep attachment to use as a secure base for our developing independence. Right?

So, the problem in therapy becomes the fact that we're expected to eventually sever this deep, attached relationship. Whereas, we aren't wired for that. We continue our relationships to our moms (if they're good) as long as we're both alive. And we grieve deeply when our moms die. But somehow, therapy is supposed to have a different conclusion.

My T has been saying that he sees himself as a lifelong therapist, at least potentially, to every one of his clients. Because he recognizes how attached clients get, and how important that attachment is to the good work that gets done in therapy. Eventually most clients become independent, but a lot of them stay in touch forever. I'm not sure what I think of his stance on that yet. It sounds too good to be true. And also expensive. :) But maybe that's the best way?

- P

 

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