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Re: Embracing the pernicious inner voice Dinah

Posted by Solstice on October 9, 2011, at 18:06:34

In reply to Re: Embracing the pernicious inner voice Solstice, posted by Dinah on October 9, 2011, at 15:13:34

> It may be true that your therapist cares as much about you as you care about him.

I think my T cares *differently* about me than the caring I feel. I think it is somewhat parent/child-like, but the point is that my T cares.. very much.. but it's hard to judge its equivalency. It's different. But my feelings of caring toward my T aren't (any longer) tangled up with my strong need. I see and feel my care and need separately. I remember a earlier in therapy, after I started to genuinely recover from the toxic therapeutic relationship that had preceded this one, we had an interesting exchange. I was musing over that painful previous relationship, and commented about the persistence of my pain while I was seeing him (toxic T) of needing so desperately to just feel understood. This may have been a year into therapy with my current T. T stopped me and asked "Do you still feel that need to be understood?" It startled me, because I suddenly realized that it hadn't even occurred to me to feel that need in this therapy. I had never *not* felt understood in this therapy, so the need was absent. This light-bulb moment was exhilarating.

> It's not true of my therapist and me. He'll admit that, though he argues that the difference isn't so great as I think.

Might be more about how 'care' is defined. And I'll bet that he's exactly right - that the difference is really not so great, because he's probably excising the 'need' factor that we clients have tangled up with our 'care.' :-)

> I think it's ok, and even healthy of me, to accept that.

I agree. Regardless of how it's defined. It's healthy to accept the power difference, and the vulnerability difference. We are vulnerable to them.. but they aren't to us. We *need* them specifically much more than they will ever need us. The more realistic we are about accepting those things, the better off we are. But when it comes to 'care' ...I really suspect that those of us with long-term relationships are cared about nearly as deeply, albeit differently.





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