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Re: shutting my T out pegasus

Posted by Solstice on October 4, 2011, at 9:38:06

In reply to Re: shutting my T out Solstice, posted by pegasus on October 4, 2011, at 9:08:37

> See, that's the thing. I *don't* feel safe there, sometimes. I feel really unsafe there, sometimes. I'm sure that's coming from me, not him. He seems to almost always say the right thing. It makes me a little suspicious, actually, how right he is, so often. Like, he has the right therapist book, and has memorized all of the lines. See? It's me. I know it.

I know what you're talking about, Peg. It took me forEver to feel safe - and my therapist didn't do anything different to get me there... except stay there. It took me a long, long time to trust the safe feelings I had in that relationship. It really was a matter of time.. of having enough time to have repetitive experiences of *being* safe, in that relationship - over and over again, until it finally silenced my inability to trust that it was real, and that it wasn't going to disappear.

> Except when he's late. Three times in the past 6 months, and then one time he had to reschedule me right before my session, for a (reasonable) personal reason. Ironically, while I find that annoying, and question whether he has something going on that makes him not want to show up for me, it doesn't feel particularly unsafe. I'm actually not at all surprised by it, somehow. It's just irritating.

Mine has done that - along with other minor technical infractions (like a stupid cell phone ringing) that I interpreted in light of *my* issues. They didn't have the meaning I attributed to them, and the messages I heard in the context of those things were messages from my own painful past - not from my T.





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