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Re: shutting my T out

Posted by Solstice on October 3, 2011, at 18:14:41

In reply to Re: shutting my T out Solstice, posted by pegasus on October 3, 2011, at 9:45:25

> Thanks Solstice,
> Thanks for your perspective. Maybe part of what's happening is that I'm testing whether I can be the brat that I want to be, and he'll still be there. I have confidence that he will be. But I still don't want to go this week. I'm definitely not going. It's not a week in which I can handle it well if it goes bad.
> - P

I did some of that with my T... being overwhelmed with anxiety, fear, etc.. and cancelling. We'd talk about it the next time. And bit by bit, over time, I gradually reached a point that it didn't matter how upset I was or how bad I felt - I did not miss therapy. During that period, there were several times that I'd show up, and was harboring much upset about something in the therapeutic relationship. T asked, "So why did you come this time, considering how you feel?" T was noting that my pattern was to cancel when I was distressed in that way. I really had to think about it - over time - before I realized that I showed up because I believed in the relationship. I had learned to believe what T told me from the beginning "If there's anything going on in this relationship that's a problem, talk to me about it - and we will work it out together." Maybe my cancellations in the early part of our relationship were because I had no way of understanding, much less believing, that T would take the lead and ensure we 'worked it out together.' T ended up working things out in the session after the one I cancelled :-) I guess over time, my experiences with being safe time after time after time enabled me to just go - even when I was very fragile and in acute anxiety, fear, or pain. At this point in my therapy, I feel wholly safe in that room - regardless of what ails me. I wish for you to have experiences with your therapist that strengthen your confidence in the durability of the relationship - and in his ability to 'hold' that brat gently :-)





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