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Re: Inner child work Dinah

Posted by yellowbird01 on September 28, 2011, at 22:00:27

In reply to Re: Inner child work yellowbird01, posted by Dinah on September 28, 2011, at 14:54:49

No, I guess I really cant afford to be worse right now. It's a particularly stressful time in my life, and my current job is requiring me to be really "on" all the time... near impossible when I'm falling apart inside!

I've spend years learning techniques to combat these emotions and self-destructive urges... the problem is, I think my current issues are coming from a slightly different place... a place of self-hatred and inward anger perhaps. I'm having trouble feeling like I deserve to engage in any of the self-soothing techniques, self-compassion, etc that my T talks about. Not allowing myself to comfort myself because I feel like I'm finally seeing myself for who I truly am, and dont deserve to pretend otherwise. I know what my T would say... "how old do you think the girl is who is saying that? is it a younger part?"....... eh. It's really nothing she is saying, or not saying, to lead me to this conclusion. I know she doesnt believe what I'm telling myself.

I think the other half of the problem is transference-based. I've seen her for years, but had taken the past year or so off. I returned and we ended up doing more clinical supervision for 2 or 3 months (I'm in mental health).... then ended up switching back to real therapy. She apologized for letting the boundaries get blurred etc. The thing is, I've seen her for 11 years. It's gotten to the point I can read her pretty well I think. I know she cares about me, and has said so. At times I get flashed of "real person"... it's in the way she'll smile or look at me or respond. I was getting more of the "real person" out of her during supervision... and now I'm getting more of the "therapist person". I dont get as much of the visible caring and "real person" from her as "the therapist" (boundaries, etc). But dang if I'm not going to TRY to get that real connection again, no matter how much I recognize the change and the reason for it. The whole back and forth actually very well mimics my parents/childhood... Perhaps this is more of the issue....... I've considered sharing this with her, but then I strongly suspect she'll be more conscious of boundaries and any chance of getting "real her" and "caring her" week to week will be even lower.

That was completely not the question you asked me, nor even really on topic. No need to respond (anyone)... I just have to share with someone.




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poster:yellowbird01 thread:998057