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Re: When he's good he's very very good. Solstice

Posted by floatingbridge on September 17, 2011, at 17:06:50

In reply to Re: When he's good he's very very good. Dinah, posted by Solstice on September 17, 2011, at 16:04:56

You wrote this to Dinah, but it speaks so much to me, I wanted to thank you.

>My therapist and I talked about trust last session. Trust is a
huge problem for me. In session, I pondered whether I would
ever find a 'real' outside-of-therapy relationship where I could
thrust,, feel safe, and sustain that with someone. I was
wondering "Do I have to limit my relationships to trained
therapists?" T smiled and reminded me of earlier
admonishments where T has said "I don't ever want you to wholly trust me, or anybody else."

A very wise thing for a T to say on a number of levels. A T is first and always a person and can never be there for a client all the time in all ways. Your T was reminding you about the realities of real relationships while clearly limiting her power.
Sounds like a good boundary.

> T says that trust has to be earned on an ongoing basis. Trust isn't something that you should ever just 'give.' It has to be earned and deserved on an encounter by encounter basis. T reminded me of a number of past therapeutic failures to
prove the point. What I think I'm really beginning to understand, is that there are no long-term relationships that don't have failures. It's not so much about finding relationships where the other person can sustain trustworthiness, as much
as it's about whether both people in the relationship are willing to work it out together. Clearly, you and your T have that kind of commitment.

I find this very clarifying. Could it be said that in a good, working and/or loving relationship that 'trust' becomes more about 1) the self's resiliency and 2) trusting yourself and the other person enough that there is that commitment and intent to respect, value, and work together in adversity? I imagine this turns back to the value and sell-value you were pointing out previuosly in this same post. That Dinah not overlook her own self-earned gold stars.

>My T just says that I should never leave myself unprotected - in any relationship. So with your T, maybe not trusting him (at least in certain respects) is the right thing to do. My T would say that your reserve is healthy.

I like this. Returns capital Trust into ordinary working trust. The less than ideal and therefore attainable outside of a safe-feeling (because amply demonstarted) therapeutic

I dig a pony.




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