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Re: father brainwashes son. help

Posted by Lam22 on September 14, 2011, at 12:02:31

In reply to Re: father brainwashes son. help, posted by pegasus on September 14, 2011, at 9:20:05

I agree with your post.. i wrote him a text message that went kind of like "if you need anything id be happy if you call me. your a good man.".

Im situated in germany. And i agree that if i called them now nothing would happen. It would probably backfire.

I talked to the mom today and she asked him what he and his dad did today or the last couple days and the son just began to cry. As the mom still wanted to know the son freaked and said "if you don't leave me alone I'm going to call dad and tell him." She left him alone then.

It's so important to try to leave kids with their parents whenever possible, that they could conceivably decide not to remove the son. And that might leave the son in a very vulnerable position with his abusive dad.

Agree 100%!

> Personally, what I would do in this situation is find a way to tell the son that if he ever wants to tell you something difficult or secret, you promise to believe him and listen to him about what he wants, and to not freak out. And you might throw in there that you and others can help him and protect him, if he ever needs that. And then maybe leave it for then. Walk away. Give him space. Just make it clear that you are there for him.

I think i did that.. just the "difficult or secret and i would believe you and me and others could protect you" part not. I may tell him in person if i have the chance. Its not smart to text message him. Controlling as the dad is, he'd kick my number out.

> And then if he ever tells you something, stay calm, believe him, listen to him, ask him what he wants to do. Even if you know that you're definitely going to report it. That way, there is a chance that you can get him to decide with you to report the abuse. The advantage there is that it leaves you as a resource for him, instead of as someone he thinks betrayed him.

Good point! Thank you

> Just my 2 cents.
> - P

The mom also asked me not to do anything before talking to her.. i will do that, but if he reported to me he had been abused id call the cops either way, just try to get both in the boat before.




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